ISS 11 (2006) OCT 5 - OCT 17
LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO RENT? FOUR MINI-REVIEWS FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION
The nights are drawing cooler and the desire to stay indoors, make some popcorn, wrap yourself in the warm blankie you’ve had since you were a kid and watch a DVD becomes more attractive. This week, we have some suggestions for movies to rent for your careful consideration. These are films that were released during the summer and should now be available at your local DVD rental store.
A SCANNER DARKLY (2006)Richard Linklater directs this film based on science fiction novelist Philip K. Dick’s novel. You may know Philip K. Dick’s stories from such films as Blade Runner and Total Recall. In this film, Keanu Reeves stars as an undercover drug agent known as Fred.
There’s a new drug on the streets called ‘D’ and Fred is assigned to remotely watch the goings on in a household of known drug users. They are James Barris (Robert Downey Jr.), Ernie Luckman (Woody Harrelson) and Donna Hawthorne (Winona Ryder).
This poses an interesting problem for Fred as he resides in this house under the name Bob Arctor and is also a drug user himself. This is a film that slowly descends into the paranoia and hallucinations of the drug users and you begin to question whether what you are seeing is the reality of the film or the twisted perceptions of the drug induced minds of the characters. Adding to this sense of disorientation is the surreal animated look to the film.
The director shot the film in live action and then digitally painted every frame so that it has a flowing, beautifully eerie, shimmering look. The acting is very good, especially from Robert Downey Jr. who perhaps was drawing from his own drug induced experiences to fuel his performance. Philip K. Dick wrote this novel as a way of telling the story of how, in the early 1970’s, he and his friends damaged their lives through the abuse of drugs.
Running Time : 100 Minutes
Four Stars out of Five
AMERICAN DREAMZ (2006)
This is a satire with an edge and it targets everything from the over-hyped world of American Idol type television programs to a lame duck President. Throw in a few punches at Arab assassins and you’ve got a potent mix of current political and entertainment targets. Hugh Grant is Martin Tweed, the host of American Dreamz where ordinary folks compete against each other to become a star. He’s a control freak, wanting to maintain the show’s high ratings even though he hates the job.
In order to boost ratings, Tweed and the production staff decide that the season should end in a three-way contest between a Hasidic Jewish rapper (Adam Busch), a corn-fed perky Ohio blond (Mandy Moore) and a singing lover of musical theater from Iraq (Sam Golzari), who is secretly a terrorist. Meanwhile, in the White House, President Staton (Dennis Quaid) awakens after his re-election victory and has an impulse: "I'm gonna read the newspaper!" This impulse to read in bed lasts weeks.
The First Lady (Marcia Gay Harden) labors behind the scenes to counsel and ‘explain stuff to him.’ His chief of staff (Willem Dafoe) concocts a strategy to get him back into the public eye. One aspect of this plan is to be a guest judge on the final episode of American Dreamz. That’s the essential premise. This isn’t a huge laugh out loud comedy but there are genuinely funny moments and it’s off-the wall enough to be a satisfying movie rental treat. And it stresses the point that the American political system is very much like American Idol where popularity is more important than ideas or intelligence.
Running time: 107 minutes
Three Stars our of Five
KINKY BOOTS (2005)
Kinky Boots is the story of a shoe factory in Northampton England that is in danger of closing unless the product line changes from the staid Oxford men’s shoes they have created for decades to something that will actually sell in today’s market.The owner, Charlie Price (Joel Edgerton) has just inherited the factory from his dad. His fiancé Lauren (Sarah-Jane Potts) is privy to the fact that his father was thinking of selling the building and turning it into condos and wants to continue that course of action. Putting people out of work is not in Charlie’s blood. With the support of fellow worker Nicola (Jemima Rooper), he decides to go in an unexpected direction. The chance meeting of cross-dresser Lola (Chiwetel Ejiofor) sparks the idea of a thigh high boot with a stiletto heel strong enough to hold the weight of a man.
The true underlying story is about the acceptance of yourself and of others. There are predictable plot devices and not a lot of surprise. The performances are good, especially Chiwetel Ejiofor as Lola. The audience in the theatre had a quite a goodtime viewing this film. Overall it’s fun and entertaining.
Running time: 107 minutes
Three Stars out of Five
MY SUPER EX-GIRLFRIEND (2006)
It’s unfortunate that this film did not get the promotional push that ‘You, Me and Dupree’ received because, gauged by the audience reaction, this movie is a better, funnier film. Luke Wilson, (Owen’s brother) is Matt, a guy in search of love. Into his life comes Jenny (Uma Thurman).Unbeknownst to Matt, Jenny, the mild mannered woman who works at an art gallery, is actually the superhero, G-Girl. This is all well and good until Matt realizes that Jenny has some rather serious issues around possessiveness and jealousy. And being a super hero allows her to seek revenge in unusual ways.
The real love of Matt’s life may be his co-worker Hannah (Anna Faris). Matt confides his frustrations with this relationship with his friend Vaughn, (the very excellent Rainn Wilson). Plot complications arise when Professor Bedlam (Eddie Izzard) learns of Matt’s relationship with the woman he secretly loves.The film’s clever dialogue, slapstick antics and well-rounded characters make for a satisfying comedy.
Running Time: 95 minutes
Four Stars out of Five
Echoes of the Past : Looking back is looking forward in Fashion
A mood to go back to bygone times and cherish historical costume couture art and translate it into contemporary fashion. Designers frequently look back to the romance and the glamour of previous eras for inspiration. For 2007 romance and drama rein as couturiers like Viktor and Rolf, Alexander McQueen and John Galliano connect history to the future placing particular emphasis on the Napoleonic era, the French Revolution and the Directiore period. Farewell to the overdone, over-embellished Victorian style dresses with their bows and lace. The fashionista has grown up.
The girly princess becomes a queen, an empress, with majestic style, mystery and allure.
Victorian Era
Following suit the colours for the season are a mix of frosty whites and milky pastels. Fabrics have a ‘compact’ heavy look and feel; they are manipulated and sculptured to form voluminous shapes. The look is designed as if it was discovered from their original context. They look ancient, sometimes a bit grayish and dusty as if affected by time, in creamy velvets, damasks, furnishing and tapestry jacquards, and are frequently livened up with sporadic shine and sparkles. Surfaces often have capacious effects created by wrinkles, plisse’s; laces are given grandeur with large motives.
The silhouette of these periods focus on contrast; emphasizing the waist (wasp waists, petticoats and crinolines, empire lines, corsetry,) by playing up the volume in the shoulders and hips with round balloon, bulb and tulip shapes in skirts, dresses, panties and sleeves.
The Napoleonic look is playful, brave, and bold and mixes street- and sportswear inspirations with echoes of the past, specifically the historical Napoleonic uniform as well as marine uniforms and other symbols of authority. The British classics are another retro inspiration source. They play with the cliché’s and put them upside down in the most unexpected styling combinations with elements of other trend directions. This influence will be particularly apparent in outerwear with coats, jackets and blazers embellished with playful decoration like tresses, cords, tassels and small pompon strips; epaulets and other ornaments.
The look in denim draws inspiration from the last four centuries. Denim sportswear also will have many romantic dresses and skirt designs with many layers for volume, tough stretch belts; romantic ruches and frills. Jeanswear comes in strict Amish/Quaker inspired old fashioned overalls, fisherman’s and garden pants too. Tops and dresses are playing with retro cliché’s like eye-catching corsetry details and layered effects, and is often worn over other clothes.
Garments made of denim and lingerie laces, or other romantic fabrics are combined dress up typically more casual pieces.
Corsetry details
For Spring/Summer 2007 fashion look no further than your dusty history textbooks from high school. The silhouettes, colours and details of the future repeat those of the past while adding a modern twist in the styling and construction allowing the modern woman to step away from restrictive dressing of the past and dress stylishly without the need of 2 maids to help her. *
Jaime Shulman
The Ruins by Scott Smith
Four American tourists, on vacation in Mexico, make friends with a German tourist who convinces them to help him find his wayward brother. The young man took off with a hot archeology student to spend a week having some fun in the sun among the ruins of an ancient civilization. But now the week is up, and the brothers are suppose to leave for home, but the love struck (or lust struck) man still hasn’t come back to the hotel. The group travels deep into the jungle, searching out their friend’s brother, and find themselves trapped in the midst of the inexplicable.
The Ruins reminded me very much of Stephen King’s story The Raft, which was published in his short story collection Skeleton Crew and later turned into a screenplay for Creepshow. It has the same tone and the same strange sexual/jealousy overtones. Now the Stephen King short story left you wishing it were longer- does Scott Smith’s novel satisfy that wish?
Well, no. Not quite. The book is at its core, a little too basic to really carry you along that many pages. This would have been a killer short story but it just didn’t work as a novel. Too much is left unexplained, and the characters motivations are spotty at best. You might be able to forgive this lack of explanation if it were shorter- but with an entire book to work with most readers will wish there was a little more meat on this bone.
That being said, it is an entertaining enough read, and as long as you want a quick little thrill, and nothing complex, you might be more than happy with The Ruins.*
Renee Mallett
Money, Wealth and the Quest for Success or My Life as an Artist
I’m an artist, which basically means at this point in my career development, I’m broke.
I’m broke yes, very broke, but quite happy, internally.
It’s quite the life to wake up each and every day wondering: is one of my pieces being sold at this very moment, is today the day I become independently wealthy?
Don’t get me wrong - I can’t wait for the day when I awake in my overstuffed bed, the sunlight beaming in my French doors ; the sound of waves breaking outside my beachfront property; the dense garden of wild flowers blossoming in the rich Napali coast soil.
My deeply tanned, naked surfing man greets me with soft kisses on my lips and other erotic and exotic places. He carries me out the doors and onto the soft sand outside my beach house, laying me down gently beside my surf board. I grab it and strip naked, diving under the first set of swells, clinging to my board and feeling the coolness of the soft salty water between my legs. I surf a couple sets of perfect waves and paddle in delicately, gliding across the calm blue water. I put the board down and enter the house to the smell of fresh waffles cooking, with strawberries and whip cream. I take a seat and my tanned God serves me each bite, one by one while massaging my neck….
Ok so that day will come and I don’t doubt it will be soon.
I have over 5,000 photos at this point and if I sell each one at $600 a piece, that’s about $3,000,000.
Not too shabby, right?
The key is marketing, so I hear from every great man of the past (and yes there were great women of the past as well, I just don’t know any personally).Henry Ford, Napoleon Hill, Tony Robbins, they all say marketing. Marketing is the key. Because you may have a great product but if no one knows about it, and no one knows why the need it or want it, why would they buy it?
So get out there and get a website up, knock on some doors and call people until they hang up on you because what have you got too lose? You can either look cool and stay broke or go out on a limb and be very, very rich.*
Charity West
Photo : Charity West (c) 2006
PHOTOGRAPH
You were a child once. Your features and limbs
were smaller. When you used to come into
contact with people the same size you are now
they looked big. They even scared you with their
hugeness. You didn’t really suspect back then
that you’d be as large as they were. We are all
the right size now. We’re big enough to walk the
streets unsupervised. We’re big enough to hold
emotions we don’t understand.
There’s evidence of another time, a perfect
square of remembrance. Start in a palace of old
toys and bad furnishing and turn the pages. You
will get bigger. You will get older in every picture.
Family holidays, birthday parties and weddings,
this is your life as it’s told in the book, from
childhood to adolescence you were the one
standing at the back with funny hair, scowling
amongst parental smiles.
And what happened to the photo-booth lovers?
Ghosts framed in front of a ragged curtain, they
smirked and gave themselves away. They
would never look at you that way again; they
would never look that way again for anyone.
The images will stop one day, but before they
end you will get smaller just like the people that
were bigger before you. You will shrivel and
shrink. The eyes will dim and the smiles will no
longer be there if you look hard enough. You will
stand at the back with funny hair and a scowl
that is there for a different reason. You will look
at those photographs and notice you’ve already
gone. *
Christian Martius
www.christianmartius.com
THE PERFECT MATE
We all say the same things : sense of humor, down to earth, common interests. But when you get really specific about it, what do woman want in a man? What do men want in a woman? Are they the same things? I was curious so I found out ! Here are the Top 10 “wants” that came up most :
Results are based on 100 men and woman ages 18-80 single and married
What Men want in a Woman :10. Someone who puts as much into the relationship as she takes out of itIt's awesome if your man supports you emotionally. If he wants to give you little gifts here and there, if he wants to take an interest in yoga class you've been going to, if he really isn't into the type of music that local band you like plays but is willing to check it out anyway, you should probably do the same for him.
9. Someone who supports the ideas and ambitions of her partnerSo he wants to be in the NBA and he's 5'6. So he wants to write a novel in the next year yet he can't get even around to cleaning out his car. Yes, he may have some ambitions that are a bit out there (and hey, I'm sure he has some that are completely in reach) but it is your job to support those ideas and encourage him that he can do what he sends his mind to - or at least help him figure out what he would be really great at instead.
8. Someone who has a positive outlook on lifeSure, we are all entitled to feel a bit down now and then and sulk in the fact that the less talented girl at work got that promotion or that you put on a lil weight in the last few months but doesn't it feel better to be a " glass is half-full " type of gal? The guys who took this poll think so!
7. Someone who is family orientatedThis not only refers to those who are planning on starting a family of their own one day, but also to women who are close to their current family. There is something comfy about those holidays where 20 people are crammed into one house with good food and lots of laughs. I
6. Someone who cares about or shows and interest in the people around her partnerYes, that friend of his is a total slob and no, you could really care less about his aunt's dog's birthday party (yes, I'm sure people actually do that). The fact of the matter is, these people are close to him and being someone else who is close to him, you should have a respect for them. After all, he loves them and he loves you so they can't be THAT bad.
5. Someone who expresses herselfThis is one thing I have always stressed to my girls! The man is not a mind reader. Are you mad at him? WHY? Tell him! Tell with your words, not by slamming the door in his face. When he says he doesn't know, he DOESN'T know! He can guess! Sometimes it will go well and sometimes he will fail miserably and what do you do? You get mad. Figure out what you want, tell him about it and hey depending on what it is, show him ;)
4. Someone who is kindIt sounds simple enough but men do want to be nurtured. You don't have to tend to his every need 24/7 but there is that something that everyone has, man or woman, that makes us feel awesome when someone takes care of us. If you're the domestic type, make his favorite meal. If the thought of an oven scares you (like me!) rent his favorite movies and cuddle up in some blankies armed with a killer massage for him! You get the idea.
3. Someone who likes sexYou know it had to be on the list somewhere! Sex doesn't always have to be in a bed at night (judging from our sex poll, most of you know that - kinky bastards). I can't believe I know woman who have actually used the old " I have headache" line. When you are with someone you love...or like lots, do what you have to to get that sex drive going! Even if you aren't into doing the actual act 24/7, there are other tings you can d to enhance his experience. Get creative! Ask him what he wants. And if you wanna be selfish, fine. But let him know he's doing a good job! Men do love praise. (If he doesn't deserve praise, show him how to deserve it! Faking is not recommended and not fair to anyone!)
2. Someone who has a sense of humorWe all love to laugh! I've always said a man who can't make me laugh is no good to me. No one is expecting you to be Chris Rock but if you're not somewhat funny, it sucks. Come on. If you don't have a funny bone in your body, at least know what's funny. Take a joke, don't be a wuss. However, I think toilet humor is pretty lame. I understand if you roll your eyes at him for anything potty related.
1. Someone who is her OWN person!Girls, girls, girls! It is true! This is the number ONE thing men want in you! Stand on your OWN. You don't HAVE to call his ass every night, you don't have to assume every weekend will be spent together, you don't have to hang up and cry when he has plans with his friends, you don't have to check in on him when you don't know where he is, you don't have to drag his poor ass out shopping to hold your purse. Not all of this independent is related to him though - men do love a woman who knows what she wants and you can't know what you want unless you know who you are. Go see a movie by yourself, join a class you've been reading about, pick up a new hobby. Being with someone is awesome! Being with someone because you dig them and not just because they are there, is awesome. Make sure though that you are your own woman and comfy with yourself inside and out whether he is around or not. There is nothing worse than a woman who gets out of a relationship and doesn't know who the fuck she is.
Honorable mentions : someone who is... mellow, faithful, smart, creative, confident.
What Men DON’T want in a Woman :
10. Someone who acts jealous/untrusting/suspicious
9. Someone who is a drama queen
8. Someone who, as one responder worded it “ Swam out to visit troops in her younger days” (…is or was a slut)
7. Someone who plays the victim and doesn’t own up to their mistakes
6. Someone who is judgmental of others
5. Someone who has no interest in starting a family
4. Someone who is bitter over a past relationship
3. Someone who is with someone for their money
2. Someone who is a nag
1. Someone who is needy
What Women want in a Man :10. Someone who is dependableDid you say you were going to be at her little sister's dance recital at 7:00? Did you tell her you would drive her to work that week her car broke down? When you said you would take her cat to the vet while she writes her exam did you mean it? No one likes a flake! Do what you say you will and more so, offer to do the things that aren't half as fun as most other things you could be doing but you know she'll appreciate the hell out of.
9. Someone who has similar morals to their partnerSo you are against premarital sex, are pro-life and are right-wing all the way home. Great!... If she is too. Otherwise, finding harmony in this relationship could be tricky.
8. Someone who supports the ideas and goals of their partnerView # 9 in the " What Men want in a Woman" list! Looks like it's a tad more important to women than to men.
7.Someone who is protectiveIt's true. Nothing feels better than knowing your man will kick someone's ass if he has to. Now this doesn't mean that she should expect a blood bath if someone cuts in line at the bus loop but if some guy grabs her bum at the club or that concert, bet your ass you're stepping in! Aside from physical violence... Just feeling safe walking down an alley with you at night, is worth a trillion bucks.
6. Someone who is chivalrousSuch a cliché, isn't it. What is it with women? One minute we;re saying we can do anything you can do then the next we can't believe you expected us to go dutch on that dinner bill. Well the truth is, most women mentioned the opening of doors, ladies first, typical manners that no matter how the world progresses, should never be thrown out the window. I myself, snicker when a man doesn't hold the door open for me. Didn't yo mama raise you right?!
5. Someone who is healthyThis includes two types of ladies ; the ones who don't want you to keel over and die from a heart attack when you're 45 and the ones who want you to be able to see your genitalia
with ease.
4. Someone who is attractiveThis didn't even appear on the men's top 10 list! Bunch of shallow cows we are hey? I read once that there was study done and women said they tend to want to procreate with handsome men so their children would be cute. And here this whole time I thought nobody likes humping an ugly person.
3. Someone with ambition and goals TIED WITH Someone who isn't married to his workWhat the hell is this, hey? We want you to get up and get a job but...you know, not be there always. The same woman actually said " Be able to support a family on his own" and " Not always be at work". So she wants to marry a gigolo, basically. Well really, have some ambition! Even if you are working that minimum wage job...WANT to be doing more. Not
to support us and hand us over the money, but to do what you are best at which probably isn't making fries. I would love to say that a woman will support her man no matter what but...the majority speaks against me.
...Ok , you went and got that great job and now you have a career - great! And we know that presentation is on Monday but little Timmy's big game is at 4:00 so don't miss it...you
get the idea.
2. Someone who is well-educatedThis doesn't mean you have to be a calculus whiz. This just means women like someone who most people wouldn't mistake for a regular on Jerry Springer. Ok we expect more than that. Talk! Read, Learn, show an interest in other cultures and things around you. Very sexy.
1. Someone who they can TRUST with anything and who trusts them.Yes, she sent nude photos of herself to you online. Yes, she confided in you about her best friend's affair with her boss and yes, you will keep these things secret! People get vindicitve sometimes and it can be nasty. It should tell us something that above all, she wants to know she can tell you ANYTHING ....and make sure you know the same about her!
Honorable Mentions : someone who is... considerate, polite, a good friend, has common interests, sexually gifted, respectful.
What Women DON’T want in a Man :
10. Someone who is clingy
9. Someone who cheats
8. Someone who is jealous/untrusting/suspicious
7. Someone who is selfish in bed
6. Someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol
5. Someone who is critical of his partner
4. Someone who is married to his work
3. Someone who lies (about ANYTHING!)
2. Someone who has no goals or ambition
1. Someone who is arrogant
Hope this answered any of your " what the hell does he/she wants from me?!" questions! *
Laura V
Anatomy of Grey’s AnatomyI Hate The Phone…But I Wish You’d CallJoshua Radin “The Fear You Won’t Fall”… from Grey’s Anatomy Soundtrack
Just what is it about Grey’s Anatomy? There’s McDreamy of course - but then hey, recent fortune offers up a stellar group of good looking male actors gracing the tube. No, it’s not all about him. It’s more about the whole ensemble cast and what each of them brings to the table – not only operating table - in this Seattle hospital based drama.
This is a dramatic serial that focuses cleverly on the ups and downs of everyday traumas in the workplace, strongly affected by the everyday relationships of those on board – or on-call, as this venue demands. Who is involved with whom, and how does it affect as well as infect the work at hand?
International Movie Data Base describes Grey’s Anatomy as “A drama centered on the personal and professional lives of five surgical interns and their supervisors.”
More simply, with the tagline: Operations. Relations. Complications.
Complicated certainly describes many of Grey’s Anatomy’s operations. Take a recent episode involving a kid, a steep driveway and a luge, cleverly titled ‘I Am a Tree’; you may not want to know. Complicated too, are the relationships of the patients; the staff involved with the patients; the relationships of the staff involved with the staff involved; as well as the relationships of the patients involving themselves with the staff involved.
Enhancing all this drama is a soundtrack that sneaks up on you and manages to subliminally hook you on tunes that repeat themselves in your head, long after the episode has ended. Humming a new tune all week keeps the show fresh in your mind and unobtrusively creates a need for the next episode. The soundtrack has also done more than its share to establish this particular series as the one by which all the new fall series have fashioned themselves after. Watch out for cool tunes embracing cool people in cool, or not, situations.
Whatever the emotional plotline, these new series offer a tune to enhance the theme.
Devorah MacDonald
Java Hut
797 16th Avenue West, Vancouver
604-873-6388
I don't drink coffee but went for a walk last week and stopped in to get a drink - it was still warm out and seeing as how this was a hut after all, I knew there would be something yummy.
If you're looking for food, they are reasonably priced. Everything in the display case falls within the $1.50 - under $5.00 range depending on what you want.
The decor is cute and gives you a choice of tables, stools or plush and roomy couches in the back.
I ordered a pineapple smoothie which actually just tasted like a less flavorful slurpee. My fault I suppose, as you are given a choice between milk or juice and I chose juice.The service is good ; It is coffee shop service so it was laid-back but all the counter girls had smiles on their faces and talked about the Elliot Smith CD playing.
I would stop in again if passing by but opt for a snack and avoid any drinks that can potentially be screwed up.
Flying Wedge Pizza
3499 Cambie St., Vancouver
604.874.8284
I was in the Cambie area and so, so hungry and rather than getting a $5.00 sandwich from Starbucks, which would have been y only other option in the area, I figured pizza sounded pretty good. The slices, although larger than what most people are generally used to, start at $4.00. This is crazy to me. There are 99 cent slice pizza places around with better quality food. Food under a dollar is better, people!
There was a special, the " wedgie of the day" and being Friday, it was pepperoni. The most boring of all days. The special price? $3.50.
The pizza could have been hotter. It tasted like that pizza you ordered last night and stuck in the microwave the next day. Not very fresh but judging from the heat lamps, I wasn't surprised.
The service could have been better. The girls looked like they would have killed someone to be anywhere else and for the non-existent to slow traffic on a Friday afternoon, they were overstaffed, especially since everyone was just sitting around talking about personal matters.
Next time, I think I may actually go for the $5.00 sandwich. How horrible is that? *
Livin La Vida Vegas
If you are like me, and need a break from reality every now and then, you probably have considered going to Las Vegas ; the party capitol of America, where booze is cheaper than food, prostitution is practically common place, and pot is a criminal offense! What a crazy world to visit! This article will help you understand what Vegas is really about, and how to
do it cheaply!
From the minute you arrive at the airport to the minute you leave, gambling is all around. Slots in the baggage claim area, black jack in the restaurants and craps in the bathroom (ha-ha sorry, that was too easy). Every hotel has a casino and restaurants too. You can’t really go anywhere on the strip without being bombarded with ads for various games and
venues.
But it’s not all about gambling in Vegas. A huge part of it is the sale of sex. I’m told there are whorehouses off the main drag, which I did not see first hand. I did however see a slue of sleazy salesman on the sidewalk whacking stacks of flyers on the hands to get your attention. Those flyers aren’t for your regular grocery store sale, but are calling cards for various women. You know those newspaper boxes on the side of the street that have free papers? Well they have those lining the streets with catalogues full of women who want to please you. They have this industry so down to a pat, that they will even offer you an “at your door in 15 minutes” guarantee! Prices start at 39 dollars, and two classier girls go for 99! That sure beats our staggering ‘illegal’ prices.
But wait, there’s more! If you aren’t into gambling, and you aren’t into sex (which means you are lame) there are hundreds of different attractions to see and visit. There are nightly light shows, water shows, bikini clad pirate battles and laser displays that are sure to give you a seizure if you watch for too long. Many of these are free, but it’s the ones that charge that are worth going to. There are huge headliners like Jerry Seinfeld or Celine Dion (2 very different tastes), or my favorite, the topless magic shows! What could be better than titties and tricks? Whatever you are craving for entertainment it’s not too hard find in Vegas.
Now here is my personal favorite: If you are gambling, the booze is free! Like the frugal tourist in all of us, I discovered a way to do Vegas cheap. Almost every casino has penny slots, for the cheapskates like me. You hardly win, but the thrill is still there without having to, as they say, “bet the farm”. What they won’t tell you is that the alcohol is free for anyone gambling, not just the high rollers. Sooo what I did was met all of my buddies at the penny slots, and put in a couple bucks. We sloooowly pulled the handles until the waitress noticed us. Once she did, we ordered our drinks (yep, vody red bulls are free too) and refused to spend a penny until my drink is in front of me. Then I’d happily spend my pennies with the odd win, while getting wasted. Sounds cheap, but hey I was on a mission. So the trick here is to tip big (2$ US) on the first drink, then you can drop down to a buck a drink. Watch out though, because with the oxygen they pump into those casinos, not to mention the sub zero temperatures, you will be amazed by how much booze you can actually consume, and how long you’ve been screwing the system (note to you, don’t miss your flight because you lost track of time. It won’t just be what happened in Vegas will stay in Vegas, but you’ll have to stay there too!)
The next cheap trick is the buffets dine and dash; this is more than the typical eat and leave before you pay. If you’ve ever been to a buffet and not felt like you have gotten your money’s worth (as if I can eat 25$ US worth!), check out this little nugget of info: I tend to bring a nice big purse. I then fill that nice big purse with snacks for later. I like to get a plate nice and full of chicken breast, maybe some lettuce, perhaps some cheese and of course some rolls. Then, secretly I begin to make little sandwiches for later. I roll them up in paper napkins, and tuck them into my over sized purse. I’m telling you, this is the way to do it. To further my good sense, I ensure to collect any packages of sauce I may come across to accompany my snack (say mustard or soy sauce). I also get jams and peanut butter for the few extra rolls I put in my purse. You never know if you are going to sleep through breakfast, so I like to be prepared.
This magical land with loop holes for getting the most bang for your buck is defiantly worth checking out. If not for the bright lights, cheap sex and free booze, visit to get your money’s worth at the fabulous buffets. Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. *
Lisa Powell
The Airport Guide
I love the smell of airport in the mornings. Travelers are filled with that nervous energy one gets when bursting out of your comfort zone with wild abandon. Airports are portals to a million different possibilities. Stand at the
Departures gate, gaze out upon the masses and know this: Someone is leaving on a business trip that will change their careers. Someone is going to get married. Someone is going home after a long time (their mother is going to be very happy and then do a lot of laundry.) Someone is immigrating, someone is going on a vacation and the dodgy guy with the sunglasses is skipping bail. The arrivals gate is no slouch either – it’s a great ‘pick me up’ on days when you feel down (and much cheaper than therapy.)
If you are heading to airport soon, this is the article for you! Our task today is to give you some tips to make flying a little less like water torture and a little more enjoyable.
1. Board early – there is no difference between sitting in the airport and sitting on the plane and you need time to plan your strategy. Reserve a window or emergency exit seat. The window seat gives you a place to lean your head and prevents those nasty drive-by elbow shots from the drinks cart. The emergency seat has lots of leg space and you are nearest the door (need I say more?)
2. Check for defects in the workings of your seat. If that sucker doesn’t recline it’s free champagne for you my friend! Also it’s a really great excuse to move should evasive action be required.
3. Get a pillow and a blankie – the plane will get chilly after a while.
4. Get up and move! Going to the bathroom is always a good excuse for taking a walk about; let other people ahead of you if you fancy standing a little longer. Running, although good exercise, is not advised. Running and screaming is especially fun, but again – not advised.
5. Drink lots of fluids. The staff will give you free drinks, but they make you work for them. Trying to get them to fill your drink for the fourth time may prove tricky; this is a good time for a walk about. Most airlines have water dispensers near the toilet for The Thirst.
6. Reruns of Mr. Bean are inevitable. Prepare yourself.
7. Always take your own entertainment and never rely on the in-flight movie to satisfy your viewing pleasure (unless you like Steven Segal.) Games, books, crosswords and knitting (especially if you haven’t done it before) and small bats with a ball attached by a bit of string aught to do just nicely. The paper bag in your magazine pouch makes a great
hand puppet.
8. Despite ground breaking technology which allows us to cook without heat and packaging which heats your dinner, airplane food still tastes like it was made last Wednesday. Just in case the old adage ‘you are what you eat’ proves true, take your own nosh.
9. Never befriend a child in a confined space. Deter their advances by making hideous faces and loud noises (popping the vomit bag in their ear will do). This also works well to ward off unwanted sexual suggestions from the passenger seated next to you.
10. Yes, the stewardess has been hit on today. No, she will not make an exception for you.
11. Always keep your ticket and passport handy as you will be required to show them often and no one likes to see you undress to get to that hidden purse under your clothing.
This concludes our lesson for today. Thank you for traveling with us and we hope you have a pleasant stay. *
Nikki Lotz
OVEN BAKED COOKIE
MARIA GRAZIA CUCINOTTA
So I saw her in the 1994 film Il Postino and thought she was gorgeous. However, seeing as how she rarely does English speaking films and I am not nearly getting my fill of forgeign ones, I had forgotten about her until recently.
And yes! That was her in the 007 gig " The World is Not Enough".
What is not to love? She's Sicilian, she's super curvy, she's cultured, she's amazing! And look at her, she's almost 40 ; 40 man!