ISS 14 (2006) NOV 18 - DEC 1
Who : Marianas Trench
Where : The Buffalo Club
When : Mon Nov 20
In the midst of the Great Flood of 2006, I embarked upon a life-threatening journey to the Buffalo Club to witness the rock stylings of Vancouver’s most yonically and sonically pleasing band, Marianas Trench.
You might be unfamiliar with the word yonic. Google it and you might discover that it is the counterpart of phallic. Where the phallus is penetrative, bellicose and destructive, the yoni is receptive, maternal and creative. The phallus is the yang, the yoni is the ying. Still don’t get it? It pretty much means vagina.
The hometown heroes took the stage and the gaggle of girls in the crowd erupted into vocal-cord-crippling screams. Headed by the charismatic Josh Ramsay, the impossible love child of Anthony Kiedis and the Goo Goo Dolls’ Johnny Rzeznik, Mariana’s Trench launched immediately into a late 90’s flavoured brand of pop-punk with the first single and title track from their new album, “Fix Me”.
Sporting a burgundy tie over his black graphic t-shirt, Mr. Ramsay seemed to be giving an obvious nod to the genre’s popular Canadian prototype, Avril Lavigne. Mariana’s Trench picks up where Montreal’s one-hit wonders The Doughboys left off. Crunchy, rolling guitars, angelic harmonies and ruthlessly catchy tunes makes them instant crowd favourites.
Their indebtedness to the Canadian pop-punk scene doesn’t stop there. They also successfully incorporate the tongue-in-cheek immaturity and impropriety of forerunners Sum 41 and Gob in songs like “Handshake Tramp”, where they sing lyrics like “slap you like a bitch, / and you take it like a whore.”
Where Marianas Trench differs from their Canadian predecessors is in their consummate talent. The band members are all able musicians, and accomplished vocalists to boot. Mr. Ramsay easily alternates between a pained, anguished howl and a soaring, soul-lifting croon. Drummer Ian Casselman manifested his vocal skill by singing the introduction to one song in a deep bass. A grin spread across my face like the pine beetle epidemic across our province’s north as I realized that it was a cover of the Beach Boys’ “Good Vibrations”, with full a cappella interludes and individualized vocal duties. I’ve heard my share of pop-punk covers, but none have paid homage so successfully by completely re imagining the original without simply turning up the guitars and speeding up the tempo.
The crowd, an equal mix of teenage girls who’d borrowed their older and probably more attractive sisters’ IDs, blue-jeaned and big-handbagged college chicks (whatever happened to Lululemon pants?), wanna-be groupie hoochies flashing their best rehearsed smiles, and guys who were there to pick up any of the above, bobbed along to some songs and sang along to most. Near the bar, Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger posed for pictures with fans.
Up and coming 604 Records talent Jeff Johnson, standing nearby, called me over. “You guys travel in a pack?” I asked.
“Yeah it’s all industry types— Hancock, Dave Genn,” he said. (Check Jeff out at www.myspace.com/enjoyjeffjohnson, and at the Media Club on December 13th.)
Then, it hit me, like the resplendent shine from Mr. Kroeger’s impressive head of hair. What I liked about Marianas Trench is that they’re nothing like Nickelback. In a modern rock era dominated by the spawn of Nickelback’s aggressive, balls to the wall cock-rock, Marianas Trench provides a welcomed change. Mariana’s Trench is the yoni— creative, benevolent, happy— to Nickelback’s destructive, malevolent, angry phallus. Chad Kroeger and business partner Jonathan Simkin, being no fools, snatched up Mariana’s Trench to their 604 Record label. Now they’ve got all the bases covered.
The Trench played a song called “Vertigo,” which sounded nothing like U2’s song of the same name, bless the little baby Jesus. “Turn It Up” ended with a perfectly timed punk-rock tuck-jump by the three frontmen. We all sung along to the last song, “Say Anything”, which immediately infected the sound centers of my brain, fooling me into thinking that I’d heard it before.
Marianas Trench finished strong, and held their guitars up by the necks, offering them to the crowd as conquering Roman warriors offered bloody sacrifices to their war gods as tribute. Then they left the stage triumphantly, leaving us sweaty, happy and satisfied, as any participant should be when yoni meets phallus.*
Liam Ford
In our cinematic universe, two films are now playing that have, as their central core, a story involving magicians and illusion. Both films take place at the end of the 19th century and are suffused with atmosphere, intrigue and style. In this issue of Kira’s Eye, we look at these films of magic and misdirection.
THE ILLUSIONIST (2006)
Eisenheim (the mystical Edward Norton) and Sophie von Teschen (the radiant Jessica Biel) were soul mates in their teenaged years. Alas, Eisenheim was born into a class below the standards expected of the von Teschen family and the teenaged lovers were banned from seeing each other. Heart broken, Eisenheim leaves his home in Vienna to travel the world and learn magic from the greatest practioners on the planet.
Many years later, Eisenheim The Illusionist has returned with a magic show that is the talk of the town. Crown Prince Leopold (Rufus Sewell) attends one of these performances accompanied by his fiancé, Sophie von Teschen. When the Crown Prince volunteers to participate in one of the magical acts, Eisenheim uses illusion to confuse the Crown Prince and Leopold suffers a very public humiliation.
He reacts by asking Chief Inspector Uhl (Paul Giamatti) to investigate this magician for Leopold sees himself as a man of reason and wants Uhl to prove that Eisenheim is a fraud. And, as you would expect, Sophie and Eisenheim re-ignite their passion for each other.
The story becomes a battle of wills between Eisenheim and Crown Prince Leopold with Chief Inspector Uhl caught in the middle. The excellent acting in this film pulls the various elements together to form a smooth and seamless whole. Paul Giamatti, as Chief Inspector Uhl, is caught between his loyalty to the Prince and his search for the truth. As narrator, he draws the storyline together as he tries to balance his intuitive detective instincts with the personal demands of the Prince.
Rufus Sewell as the Prince provides a fine performance as the Machiavellian ruler with plans to accelerate his ascent to the throne of Austria utilizing unsavory methods. Jessica Biel plays her character with both warmth and strength. She’s not one to sit back and play the empty headed princess. She has inner strength and heart. Edward Norton is masterful as the Illusionist. Wearing a van Dyke beard that hides much of his lower face, he lets his eyes speak and their intensity is mesmerizing. He’s a magician that lets his illusions play out without explanation so that the audience can form their own conclusions. Filmed using a muted sepia tone, the look of the film breathes 19th century.
Ultimately, the story becomes one that combines magic and a clever con that succeeds in fulfilling the inevitable and satisfying romance. You get to watch as this complex plot unfolds. This is a very enjoyable film.
Running time: 110 minutes
Four Stars out of Five
THE PRESTIGE (2006)
This film opens and closes with an explanation of the three-act structure that comprises a magic trick or illusion. This explanation is delivered by the designer of elaborate stage illusions and one of the important characters in the story, a man named Cutter (Michael Caine).
The first act is the pledge, wherein a magician shows you something ordinary such as a dove. The second act is the turn, where you make the ordinary object do something extraordinary, such as a caged dove disappearing before your eyes. Finally comes the prestige, the most difficult part, where "you see something shocking, something you've never seen before." In a simple example, the magician would pull the dove from beneath a silk handkerchief where the cage first sat.
‘The Prestige’ is a film that moves you from one plot turn to the next and we are continually surprised with the prestige moments in the plot. Each becomes more shocking, more tantalizing.
The film focuses on the blood feud between two magicians: an American working in London named Robert Angier (Hugh Jackman) and a Cockney, Alfred Borden (Christian Bale). Though Angier is a great showman, it is Borden who is the better technical magician. As the film opens, they are introduced as "volunteers" picked from an English music hall audience. Their task is to tie the hands and feet of the magician's assistant Julia (Piper Perabo) who is plunged into a water tank where she miraculously escapes. They are, of course, secretly part of the act. Julia is Angier’s wife. Early in the story, an accident turns these two friends into mortal enemies. No longer working together, they go on to develop their own staged magic shows. Their hostility towards each other begins as an exchange of petty humiliations and evolves into vicious, increasingly violent one-upmanship.
As the story progresses, Borden takes on a wife, Sarah (Rebecca Hall) and Angier an assistant (Scarlett Johannsson). The narrative bounces over time and place and you are advised to exercise some patience in order to thread the elements together. The story moves between the early history as described, a trial where Borden is accused of murdering Angier, and Angier’s travels to Colorado to meet the reclusive inventor, Nicolas Tesla. Angier seeks the secret to an extraordinary trick that Borden has presented which utilizes a box that Tesla built. The true competition between these men is for their secrets as it is the secrets to their art that must be protected. Borden and Angier go to great lengths trying to uncover the secrets of their rival. Ultimately, they care more about their secrets than the people they are closest to.
As Borden, Christian Bale presents a more complex character than his portrayal of Batman in the recent ‘Batman Begins.’ Hugh Jackman stretches from his work as Wolverine in the ‘X-Men’ films. His Angier is a brooding, deceptive and ultimately vengeful character.
The women in the film provide a fine balance that counters the males, adding an element of truth and reality to the increasingly violent rivalry. Rebecca Hall is solid as Borden’s wife Sarah, a woman who can read her husband like a book and is not impressed by what she’s reading. The oft seen Scarlett Johannsson is convincing as the woman caught between the two illusionists. She is asked to be a loyal assistant to one while falling in love with the other.
And special mention goes to David Bowie for his turn as Nicolas Tesla, the genius inventor. Bowie’s acting talents have gone unrecognized but that should end with his work in this film. The storyline is complicated but stay with it. The ending rushes towards you and you’re caught twisting your brain around the shocking and the unexpected: the prestige. Directed by Christopher Nolan (‘Batman Begins’, ‘Insomnia’, ‘Momento’), this film is a well produced dance between character, story and style.
This film is more physically intense than ‘The Illusionist’ and, to me, not quite as satisfying a ride. There are so many twists and turns that you have to pay particular attention to the details. Still, it’s an interesting, entertaining and magical film that stays with you long after you’ve left the theatre.
Three and a half stars out of five.
Running time: 128 minutesAllan StanleighRead more of Allan's reviews at www.reelwrite.com
Life is Simple – Living it is Complex
Babel
From the first frames of an endless Moroccan desert landscape mystically unfolding with a haunting musical background, the last installment of Alejandro Gonzalez Iñárritu’s trilogy takes hold. Events are taking place that, while seemingly disconnected, cleverly connect as if pieces of a puzzle. The connections are subtle and a small part of a larger story. The beauty of the film is the beauty of Iñárritu’s vision enhanced by cinematographer Rodrigo Prieto and the colourful cast of characters he chose to inhabit the screen from four disparate parts of the world.
The story weaves around the simple idea that small mistakes can take on tragic consequences, and while doing so, a “butterfly effect”- defined in Webster’s New Millennium Dictionary of English as; a chaotic effect created by something seemingly insignificant, the phenomenon whereby a small change in one part of a complex system can have a large effect somewhere else – occurs in the lives of all of the main characters.
There are four stories going on here. The story of Americans Richard (Brad Pitt) and Susan (Cate Blanchette), who, while touring Morocco after the tragic death of one of there children from SIDS, find their relationship strengthened by events that occur as a result of an additional storyline to the film. Two children in a mountain village in Morocco practice with a rifle bought by their sheep-farming father for the purpose of killing predators to his flocks. One son aims for the tour bus and Susan is shot, sparking an international incident with terrorist undertones. While this story evolves, another story is spinning back home in the United States where Richard and Susan’s children are in the care of their Mexican nanny Amelia (Adriana Barrasa) who must attend her son’s wedding in Mexico and cannot find a replacement to mind the children when Richard and Susan are delayed due to the shooting. Amelia’s decision to take the children with her turns into chaos at the hands of her nephew Santiago (Gael Garcìa Bernal). The fourth story woven into this tapestry involves the disturbed life of deaf-mute teenager Chieko (Rinko Kikuchi), who is testing her teenage boundaries in Japan with an abandon created as a result of the death of her mother and life with her distant father.
One powerful scene has ecstasy enhanced Chieko and friends entering a rave to the sounds of a phenomenal remix of Earth Wind and Fires disco hit “September” by Shinichi Osawa. The sound is cleverly muted on and off allowing the audience to experience Chieko’s life first hand in a most disturbing-yet engrossing way. This heart-pumping scene alone is worth the price of admission.
That’s the wonder of the film. It involves the viewer with the struggles in the lives of everyone. Iñárritu’s masterful talent brings an intimacy between the audience and the characters on the screen that is so immediate it hurts to watch their individual pain. Each performance is achingly honest and emotions are revealed so close to the bone that the viewer cannot possibly disconnect from the personal tragedies unfolding.
The film gives you a close-up on the human condition and you are left considering people and places with a familiarity gleaned from the experience of watching. *
Devorah Macdonald
Valium Delivered to your Door! - First see “Running With Scissors”
The plethora of medications offered online should come with a snap shot of Annette Bening as Deirdre Burroughs, Augusten Burroughs’s hopelessly addicted narcissistic mother in his searing and tragic memoir of a life interrupted.
This tale matches Mommy Dearest one for one and possibly surpasses it as a venomous portrayal of a mother once held in we. Certainly Annette Bening tops Faye Dunaway in her disintegration onscreen. There is nothing over the top here. Bening owns Deirdre throughout. And Deirdre as a mother is a nightmare of epic proportions. As a feminist, she leaves nothing to be desired and gives the word a bad name.
The film’s introduction to a young Augusten’s Family life leaves no doubt that there is trouble in paradise. The story quickly introduces the audience to a fractured family fueled by alcohol and emotional abuse. Could it get worse? Oh yes, and then some.
Father Norman (Alec Baldwin) has enough and walks when Deirdre elicits the help of Dr. Finch (Brian Cox) and embraces his bizarre therapy with complete abandon. In the process, Deirdre loses her husband, loses her son and loses her soul.
The story is equal parts Augusten’s journey to survive the pain of watching his mother’s disintegration and his journey to survive being thrust into life in the mad house of Dr. Finch. It is a home inhabited by two strangely psychotic daughters and an achingly repressed housewife. Jill Clayburgh embodies the role of Agnes Finch with such brilliant neurosis that she ultimately appears the only sane one in the bunch. Hers is a finely tuned performance of the dichotomy of brilliance bordering on insanity. There is Hope (Gwyneth Paltrow) - the light, and there is Natalie (Evan Rachel Wood) - the dark, as sisters far from normal in a household that is equally so. Adopted brother Neil Bookman (Joseph Fiennes), appears in full-blown schizophrenia to relieve Augusten of his virginity and add a little more chaos to the mix. All characters border on insanity not surprisingly due to the apparent madness of the man of the house, sketchy Dr. Finch, whose ideas about self-discovery are largely encouraged through the use of pharmaceuticals.
All of them have a story and Augusten ultimately finds hope where there appears none, strength, where none appears to exist. In the end, he comes to terms with the fact that life, as he would like it to be, is best left in his own hands. *
Devorah Macdonald
Flushed Away (2006)I had a friend once whose fantasy it was to have his own backing singers to vocalise his life in a fly on the wall type style. (Funny how ideas seem so much more credible after a few Coronas.) Just think about it for a moment though. I can see how it might be amusing (now sober) in the supermarket queue perhaps,harmonising the top stories from the Globe or The Enquirer. Done sensitively it might inspire some sympathy for Britney in her divorce plight or conjure a sense of triumph for Kirstie Alley and her pound shedding with a rendition of Pomp and Circumstance! Thing is though, you’d have moments of intense rapture shattered by an inappropriate ‘shoo-wa-de-wah’! So maybe it’s best left to the movies…like Flushed Away; a little gem from Dreamworks and Aardman productions about a privileged pet rat forced from his comfortable home into the sewer and his struggle to return above ground.
This is where the musical accompaniment comes in provided, of course, by singing slugs! It is the usual tale of self discovery with a bit of romance thrown in and a dastardly amphibious plot for world domination. (Nothing new there, eh?)
What is so wonderful about this movie is it’s marvellous humour, it’s politically incorrect stereotyping and it’s Laurel and Hardy-esque slap stick…something I’m not usually a great fan of but there‘s something wonderfully sinful about hearing ‘Wolverine’ (Hugh Jackman) squeal like a girl! With all the rain this week I felt like I’d misplaced my laughing gear along with my wellies but I actually laughed out loud to this movie, really! Not only did I laugh but I also snorted, chortled and phnarred, splurfing cola out my nose...I don’t think anyone noticed that, don’t care!
I’m not sure what it is about the British and their world class talent for self deprecation, poking fun at themselves and the establishment (’England lose on penalties, again’) but it is always charming and often hilarious. Prince Charles plays an important part in the development of one of the main characters too, although does not actually make an appearance! Without giving too much away Ian Mckellen’s voice over as a fiendish amphibious ‘don’ was pure pantomime and the hired ‘hench-frogs’ slayed me. Look out for the silent but comical ‘Marcel Marceau’ character...brilliant!
I’ve tried to intellectualise it…Le Frenais and Clements’ reflection of true human dilemma…‘do we risk getting emotionally wounded by falling in love, making friends, developing relationships or do we opt for the safety of social isolation’...blah, blah, blah...forget it! It’s a great movie. My only criticism is directed at Gromit’s agent. Whoever thought his cameo role as an inanimate children’s toy does not appear to have his best interests at heart. It fails to illustrate his range as an actor... ‘What do you mean he’s just a clay model brought to life by the genius that is Nick Park?’ You’ll be telling me next there’s no such thing as Santa!*
Running Time 1hr 25 minutes
Linda Rumney
Style Mishaps and Missteps
Leggings
The wrong way: Leggings worn with a short top. This look is only considered fashionable in a 1980’s aerobics class.
The right way: This style is always about layering. Cropped leggings can add an edgy feel to a party frock or transform summer styles into winter weather appropriate looks. Make sure whatever you pair leggings with that your bottom is covered.
Skinny Jeans
Every two decades or so the silhouette shifts to body hugging styles that force women to squeeze and shimmy their way into a slim pair of jeans. There is a fine line however between skinny jeans and too skinny. Make sure that your pants fit you. I am reminded of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry was so vein and self-conscious that he changed the size label on his jeans to convince people he was still the same slim size 31 waist he was in college. What Jerry and we all should realize is that no one sees the size tag but what others can see is the dreaded “muffin top” look. For those unfamiliar with the term this is when ones stomach and hips spill over ones pants. This problem can afflict even the skinniest of women if they insist on being size label conscious. The trick to be truly stylish is to dress for your body type and for your particular lifestyle. If a trend isn’t flattering, skip it.
The knee length denim skirt
This item seems to be a staple in most women’s wardrobes and yet is one of the most universally unflattering cuts in history and makes everyone who wears it look completely shapeless.
The better way : Opt for a pencil skirt in a different fabric. This classic is feminine, and professional and flatters a woman’s natural curves.
Uggs
These thick hefty boots cut the leg at the worst possible place and make the wearer look short and squat, hardly the look any woman wants to portray. In addition they are impractical in Vancouver’s rainy climate
The right way: These boots have their place. Originally designed to go from the Australian beaches to the streets in BC they are probably best left at home to be worn as slippers.
Lululemon (the yoga pants in particular)I know I am going to receive hate mail for this one and that I should support this Vancouver based retail giant but enough is enough. I don’t care if they are comfortable. I don’t care if they make your bottom look fantastic there is a time and a place to be Lycra clad from head to toe.
The wrong way: The office, an interview, a bar/club...just because they are black does not automatically make them dress pants.
The right way: It's called active wear for a reason. If I see you in them I expect you to be sweating. *
Jaime Shulman
Lisey’s Story by Stephen KingLisey (that’s pronounced Lee-Cee, if you were wondering) is the not very famous widow of the oh so very famous author Scott Landon. It’s been several years since the authors untimely death, and his wife is just know deciding it’s time to sort through his papers and pack away his things. But as she goes through the papers and souvenirs of a twenty five year long marriage she stirs up a few things she’d rather forget about. Her husband made his living off of his imagination, but there was a dark side to his great gift. Almost as though this darkness is stirred up by her remembrences a new and dangerous threat confronts Lisey and her mentally unstable sister. Now after years of denial Lisey must confront the things she’d have rather left buried in order to save the ones she loves.
This is not the usual King book ; at least it’s not if you are comparing it to his earlier works like The Stand or It. Following the trend he created with Bag of Bones, Lisey’s Story is a little more mature work, more subtle. It is a creative blend of
suspense even while being something of a melancholy love story. Unfortunately, many King fans don’t want subtle, and they will find fault with the slow pace of Lisey’s Story.
Overall, this book fell flat with me. It was a great idea, and very carefully created, but in general I found it to be a little to reminiscent of Rose Madder, a book which is generally considered the poorest of Kings books by his fans. Also, the silly made up words like ‘smucking’ grew so tedious and tiresome I wanted to throw the book across the room. They were meant to evidence the little in jokes that come about during the course of a long marriage, almost like code words that people who have loved each other for a very long time use to acknowledge their secret club, but they were used waaaay too much.*
Renee Mallett
How to overcome public speaking
Ok so the title is a little deceiving since I hate speaking in public.
Last night I had to give a speech to 60 plus people and not only did I have to speak, I had to try and sell them to invest 2.5 million dollars into my next film project. If there’s two things I really dislike it’s selling and public speaking.
I felt like I had to vomit for two days before I was supposed to speak.vI’ve heard that the #1 fear of people is public speaking, the second is death.
I wrote an entire script of exactly what I wanted to say and after writing about 7 pages I realized there was no fucking way I could read from that lengthy monologue. I would have finished and people would a) be asleep or b) no longer the there. I cut the script down to a page of bullet point notes so I could easily recognize the key points and elaborate.
I practiced talking to myself in the mirror about twice, once in the cab on the way to the gala, then twice in the mirror as I hyper ventilated an hour or so before the speech. I was about to have a drink and my partner says, “No, don’t. Trust me, it will cloud your mind”. He was probably right, so I didn’t - but oh my dear did I need one. I was sweating, I was pacing, I was smoking even though I normally don’t. I was clutching that little piece of paper like it was a million dollar bill.
Finally it came time. Four people were to speak before me and I was given the excruciating position of last speaker. It’s really the worst because you can’t enjoy anything before it, you’re just too worried thinking about your turn.
It came my time, the mic was passed and instead of looking down and starting up with my script, I took a moment and breathed. I looked out into the crowd and actually connected with individual people and faces, smiling faces and helped me to remember, I’m just speaking to people. Not a sea of people, but individuals and let me tell you, it was a lot less intimidating. I let that little paper slide back into my pocket and thought of the old saying , “always follow your heart” and that’s exactly what I did.
I was a knockout success and gave one of the better speeches that night. I had congratulations and comments on what a great and confident public speaker I was. I did drink about 3 glasses or wine after, within 5 minutes but hey, I deserved it. *
Charity West
Bad Roommate… Get the Classifieds
Have you ever lived with the roommate from hell? Have you ever been so disgusted or irritated with someone that you live with that it makes you crazy? I have had many roommates, some good, some so-so and some bad. I have heard horror stories though of some pretty crazy stuff and if you have ever been in a situation where your roommate is driving you nuts, there are a few things that will one day make you crack, and cause you to move out. Here are the top 10 reasons why people I know have moved out, after either having their privacy violated, or just getting plain fed up - these are the proverbial straws that broke my friends’ camels’ backs!
10. FILTHINESS You know how coffee dries if you spill a bit? The dark rim on the outside? A friend of mine told me that her roommate would always leave a film of fur around the sink after he shaved and in the shower after he trimmed his privates. One day, after a particularly forested growth, my friend came home with a nice book to read in the tub, and when she saw what her roommate had left behind for her. I believe she described it as “Jumangi in the tub”. She was done, and moved out.
9. SNOOPING One day my friend came home to find her roommate’s girlfriend digging through her closet to find something to wear. As she walked in the room, she saw the girl and her roommate sifting through her underwear checking out her lingerie!!!! Talk about violating!
8. SMOKING My friend had a roommate who insisted on smoking everywhere throughout the apartment. When he first moved in, the smoky roommate said he only smoked occasionally. After some time, it got worse and worse; he would walk into my friends’ room with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Time and time again, my friend asked him not to smoke in his room. One day, before my buddy was headed out on a date, he had to hop in the shower. His roomy said he needed to use the bathroom really quick. That piece of crap actually had a smoke while he was taking a poop! My poor buddy had to choose between having a shower in a bathroom that reeked of crap and cigarettes, or showing up to date # 3 un-showered (and you know there is always a little action on date #3!!). Just in case his date was with you, I won’t tell you what he chose!
7. GUESTS I lived with crass older guy for a while, who loved to drink and party. It wasn’t too much of a problem until he would bring the party home. It always amazed me that he would “forget” that I had to work early the nextmorning. HELLO, Monday-Friday, every week, it didn’t change. Finally one night after a gentle reminder that I had to work, then a more stern reminder, one of his buddies came into my room and tried to hit on me WHILE I WAS TRYING TO SLEEP! I can honestly say I doubt that guy will ever try a stunt like that. I yelled, cussed, threw stuff at him (Ok ok, I got a little psycho, but can you blame me?).
6. STEALING One of my friends had a roommate who would always eat his food and lie about it. My buddy was throwing a party one weekend, and bought all the food and planned on getting it all set up the next day. When he woke up the ext morning to cook his feast, he found bite marks in most of the stuff. I’m not kidding, the roommate didn’t eat the whole thing, he just took a nibble here and there like a little rabbit. Needless to say, it came to blows, and if I remember correctly, my buddy now has a restraining order, and his roommate needed extensive dental work. SNAP!
5. SLOPPINESS My girlfriend had this moron for a roommate who always ate on the couch. She insisted on having all her meals there. You couldn’t even imagine the crumbs, it was nasty. Anyway, one night my girlfriend brought a guy home from the bar and started making out with him on the couch. A couple minutes in, he shot upright and screamed (real manly, I know!). Apparently, her roommate had been eating lasagna a while back, because when the guy looked down, he was kneeling in a rotting plate of lasagna goo! Ewww. My friend was so incredibly embarrassed she told him to leave, and moved out soon after.
4. DISORDERS The tub puker. My friend had this roommate who was clearly bulimic, who was always barfing up something or other. The poor thing would wake up to the sound of her roommate puking up breakfast, and go to bed to the sound of her puking up a late night snack. The idiot roommate thought she would be discrete by barfing in the tub; that way it just sounded like she was showering. Her tub puking was discovered the hard way (weaker stomached people may want to proceed to #3). One day while showering, the drain backed up, and she found herself standing in a foot of barf water. As the nasty old food particles floated around her legs, she knew she was outsky!
3. FETISHES My ex once told me a story of an old roommate of his who had this fetish for having sex on things, the fridge, the stove, the washer etc. One night as he slipped into bed, he felt (and smelt) a warm gooey spot in his bed, under his sheets (true story, I swear). As it turns out, his sex fiend of a roommate had left a little something something in my ex’s bed, hoping he wouldn’t notice. My ex promptly moved out, but not before doing a little freelance dental work with some face reconstruction thrown in for kicks for the wet spot leaver!
2. VICES One of my friends had a roommate who always drank his booze. One night he came home to find his roommate wasted, with HIS bottle of gin in his hand. The roommate got up startled when he realised he was no longer alone, stumbled over, and promptly barfed on their shoes. Honestly, what would you do if that happened?
1. PSYCHOS My girlfriend HAD to move out of her place because of her creepy roommate. She lived with this geeky guy who developed a slightly unhealthy crush on her. Everyday he would hit on her, make suggestions and just be gross. Even after she repeatedly turned him down, he persisted. The day she came home to him emptying her nail clippers to get at her clippings was the day she moved out. Yuck, I can’t think of anything more violating.
I have been tempted to move out for things far simpler then listed above. I have found when there is a problem at home I always feel unsettled; that awful feeling of not wanting to go home because of what’s there. A home should be a place of rest, and a safe place to keep your stuff. So, if your roommate is making you nuts, and it’s any worse than the stories above, move the hell out! You don’t need that shit!*
Lisa Powell
Art by Jason Willmann (c) 2006
What : Brothers and Sisters - “Mistakes Were Made, Pt. 1"
Where: ABC
When : Sun 10/9C
From executive producer Ken Olin of Alias and Thirtysomething fame, ABC’s Brothers and Sisters is yet another one hour drama that tries to do something new and interesting with the same tired concepts. To some degree it succeeds, but in some areas it still struggles to be anything beyond a soap opera wrapped in a prettier sheen.
The story is about the Walker family, a family with three brothers and two sisters and how they interact and weave in and out of each other’s lives while their mother still works to cope with the death of the family patriarch early in the series. It transitions between time periods fairly regularly, employing flashbacks that are all the rage these days (not the most wonderful thing Lost has inflicted upon us as too many are using this as a crutch now) to tell it’s tale and develop the character archetypes.
At it’s core, it is a story about family relations and as such doesn’t strive to tell an overarching plot but takes the operatic approach of having each week simply being a new facet of these lives explored and expanded upon, delving into the ramifications of each of their decisions. This week’s episode dealt with the youngest son, Justin, getting orders from the military to ship back to the war in the Middle East, despite how much his first tour scarred him. He wants to do anything possible to get out of going back and turns to his siblings for help. Surrounding this are various subplots about the mother starting to date again, the middle brother dealing with his homosexual relationship, and one of the sisters dealing with her step son and trying to meld their relationship together.
In the end, the show is neither terribly exciting or particularly riveting. Not really bad or good, just adequate. It does have some snappy writing, particularly in some of the familial exchanges (love good sarcasm), and a fantastic cast (Sally Field, Tom Skerrit, Calista Flockhart, Rachel Griffiths, Ron Rifkin, Patricia Wettig, Balthazar Getty, etc.) to keep it afloat for the time being, but in truth I don’t see enough strength and originality to really keep it apart from the pack for too long. Time will tell, but eight episodes in I am sad to say I am underwhelmed.*
Andrew Wilmot
What : Lost - “I do”
Where : ABC
When : Wed 9/8 C
ABC appears to be the one network out there that, not matter how well they do and how many hits they have, they just can’t let things work on any kind of familiar schedule. The worst example of this was in Alias’ third season, when there was a period of time of three months where they aired only two or three new episodes. It gets downright offensive at times and you can’t help but wonder if all this juggling is to just mess with the heads of the viewing public. This year’s case in point: Lost.
The show that brought back the public’s interest in scripted television, and dug ABC out of an early grave in the last spot of the major networks, is the latest victim of this practice. After a wicked cliffhanger at the end of the second season, Lost came roaring out this year and immediately started diving into the myopic and mysterious past of the island’s villains, the Others. With six episodes from October to mid November, the writers finally started giving us some info on these villains, although most of it is more confusing at this point than anything and we still don’t believe anything we’ve seen so far.
And not only in regards to the Others, but we’ve gotten a fair number of answers and loose threads tied up in just the last two episodes: Last week we came to the end of Mr. Eko’s journey on the island and learned a few things in the process - why he was building that church on the island, what Locke saw when he looked into the smoke monster back in season one, and most of all, we learned that the smoke monster is the source of all the hallucinations that the castaways have been going through, and that it is definitely more than capable of tossing a human around like a rag doll.
This week we got a few more things tied up while learning much more about Kate in the process. We had heard in past episodes that she was not only married while she was on the lamb, but also had a pregnancy scare. In this episode we got the details of all of that (including Kate’s unfortunate husband, Firefly’s Nathan Fillion) and also finally came to the end of the love triangles’ first step where Kate finally made her choice of Sawyer over Jack.
It was in the last few minutes of the episode where things truly got interesting. Jack finally made his play against the others and, with the leader of the Others on a surgical table in front of him, back open and in the middle of an operation. He sliced into the kidney and is letting Ben bleed out slowly while Sawyer and Kate are able to make a break for it. The episode ends here, with Jack yelling for them to run for their lives while the rain thunders down around them.
And now, thanks to ABC’s undying wisdom, there is a frickin’ twelve week hiatus on Lost while they premiere a show called Daybreak (looks like a cross between Groundhog Day and a poor man’s 24). Lost will be back with seventeen new episodes, no repeats or missed weeks in February. That part I like, but I can’t help but wish ABC had just gone the 24 route and waited until January to premiere so they could just show it as one big season. Oh well, at least we had a hell of an interesting mini-season. . . just sucks to have to wait for the real deal.
Bring it on.*
Andrew Wilmot
Tomato Fresh Food Cafe
3305 Cambie Street, Vancouver
Tel: 604.874.6020
www.tomatofreshfoodcafe.com
I have passed by this place a few times and last week while I was on Cambie looking for a place to get a muffin, I went inside. It's very spacious, moreso than it looks from the outside. The decor is of course red, with a selection of booths, barstools and tables. Watch out before you sink yourself into those booths - they're not as soft as you think, or at all for that matter.
It was lunchtime in the middle of the week and there were about 10 tables occupied which looked like much less due to the size of the place. The servers were all dressed in black, yay! Finally a restaurant with some dress code consistency. The servers bring you tumblers with water and 3 menus ; a drink list, a specials list and a general menu. Listed as " today's specials" were some tasty looking desserts (including lime cheesecake), sandwiches and a very interesting quiche with prosciutto. The one thing I could have done without? The pen scribbles through the things that were no longer offered. It just looked like it had been in the hands of a 3 year old.
As my companion was enjoying his $2.00 Blueberry Oat Bran muffin, I went for the Italian Countryside sandwich on the regular menu which consisted of prosciutto, bocconcini, watercress and roasted pepper mayo on a baguette for $7.95. You can add Caesar Salad, Potato dill salad or organic greens for an extra $2.95. I went for the potato and it was yummy and very filling.
The sandwich itself was in a word, sexy. Yes, it was that good.
This cafe prides itself on using fresh ingredients and the walls and menu are adorned with numerous awards from local publications. They serve breakfast, lunch and dinner and offer a variety of items from Tofu Scramble to Vegetarian Chili to Potato Crusted Wild Salmon. They are fully licensed and a few blocks up from Broadway & Cambie, in a perfect location.
Do most people go into a restaurant expecting an $8 sandwich without a side? No. Is it well worth it and then some? Yeah, it sure is. *
Laura V
WiiAh, the holidays are finally upon us and, just like the movie industry, the gaming world has begun to release it’s Oscar contenders for the year, all fighting tooth and nail over your shopping dollars, however little you may have (and will have left after the dust settles).
November has been one of the most exciting months that the gaming industry has seen in some time. At the very beginning of the month, Playstation 2 owners were finally greeted by the oft-delayed Final Fantasy XII, a game four years in development, delayed countless times, but still managed to live up to the hype in every sense of the word (which is no small miracle). Square Enix, never willing to just rest on their laurels (unless mishandling a FFVII spinoff) has followed this up with the GBA release of Final Fantasy V Advance and the DS Final Fantasy III, the latter of which is a monumental release for reasons I’ll get into next time in my reviews of all three of these titles.
In the other corner of the month of November there’s the Xbox 360 killer app, Gears of War. Again, a title that has been in development for ages and has been touted as the 360's answer to Halo (until Halo 3 comes out that it), Gears has kicked and punched it’s way out of the gate and into most reviewer’s hearts. I don’t have the cash to get my hands on a 360 just yet, but trust me - from what little I’ve played and seen, it’s definitely worth the cash. Just fucking gorgeous.
And then there’s the other little thing happening this month - the launches of the Playstation 3 and Nintendo Wii, a mere two days apart from one another (November 17th and 19th respectively). So with all of this gaming hoopla, what do you blow your twenties on? Well if your satisfied with your current consoles, odds are that you’ve already snagged one of those games I mentioned before hand. But if not, if you’re busy donating blood, sperm, and anything else you can squeeze from your body that will end up with a bit of cash and a cookie in your pocket in order to save up that last
little bit of cash to buy into the next generation, then this part is for you - my complete and only moderately-biased synopsis of what you’ll be getting yourself into on day one of owning a new system.
First thing’s first - we can’t discount the good ol’ Xbox 360. The system came out late last year and struggled to impress at first with graphics that didn’t really show us too much beyond the current gen, games that did far less than that (looking at you, Perfect Dark Zero), and a frickin’ power brick that doubled as a blunt instrument. This system is in no way down and out with the advent of the newer children. It’s just now starting to come into it’s own with some great games, games that are taking advantage of the systems capabilities and it’s online strength, and the promise of a hell of a lot more good stuff coming up fast and furious in the coming months. It still won’t have the gleam of some of the PS3's games, but damn if it doesn’t do the job well enough.
Next up to bat is the A-Rod of the list, Sony’s Playstation 3, the system that plays games, blu-ray dvd’s, outputs higher than any other system on the market, balances your checking account, cooks your toast and takes advantage of your wife when your back is turned. I’ve been a staunch supporter of Sony since day one, but I’ve learned from putting my hand on the stove one too many times. The system is incredible and the sheer amount it can do is unreal. Games look amazing and sound just as good. But there are definitely kinks in the armour. First things first - the price. At a whopping 659.99 Canadian at launch it’s an embolism in a box. If you want any extra controllers or games, you’re going to be shelling out more than a grand on day one, and as with all launch windows you have to ask yourself if there are any games that are really worth it. Well there are a couple of great ones in the PS3's arena, namely Resistance: Fall of Man and Ridge Racer 7 (wouldn’t be a Sony system without a Ridge Racer to get it’s feet wet) These all look pretty sweet, but there’s nothing here that reinvents the wheel in any way - just the same things with a bit of an ass lift and Botox in the cheeks. But with that said, in the coming future Sony will have two of the biggest exclusives of the early next gen war under it’s belt with both Metal Gear Solid 4 and Final Fantasy XIII rumoured to be coming in 2007, not to mention that backwards compatibility with both PS1 and PS2 will give gamers a hell of a back catalogue to choose from while they wait for the killer aps to come out. As with the 360 and the Wii, the controllers are wireless, but where Sony may fail in this area is that their’s do not have removable batteries, so like the iPods of the world, if your controller stops taking a charge you’ve got to spend for a new one.
And then there is the Wii, which is easily the strangest name for a console I’ve ever heard. This system has been slammed from the beginning as being a Gamecube 1.5 in the graphics department, not reaching remotely the same distance as either the 360 or PS3. That would be disappointing, you know, if Nintendo seemed to give two shits about that. Instead they’ve decided to go the route less traveled and do what they’ve done with the DS - change the way we play games. Lately, their mantra is all about interactivity and the Wii promotes that incredibly with a complete motion control system. Want to swing that sword? You’ve actually got to make the movement. With this concept they’ve single handedly made me want to pick up some sports titles for the first time in over a decade. There will be far fewer games at launch for the Wii than the PS3, but what they will lack in quantity they will more than make up for with the one game that everyone will buy - Zelda: Twilight Princess. This is easily the most highly- anticipated launch game of any system - ever. One of the only series to never have a bad game, Zelda will be responsible for selling systems over the PS3. But aside from Zelda, there are two main features of the Wii that will separate it from the pack - price and backwards compatibility. At 279.99 Canadian, the Wii is dropping at nearly a third of the price of the PS3 and that will entice so many, not to mention that due to very different numbers in terms of production hitting the shelves before the end of the year, the Wii will be much easier to find and a hell of a lot easier to justify at that price. And as for backwards compatibility, sure both of the other systems have it, but not like this; the Wii will be able to play every Gamecube game, as well as download every Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Nintendo 64, Sega and Turbografix 16 game ever made (not right away but eventually).
Essentially, Nintendo is hoping to be to gamers what iTunes is to music whores, and their catalogue of classic gaming still stands as the greatest of any company, and that’s just considering their three big series - Zelda, Mario and Metroid. That feature alone is the system seller for me, the rest is just the icing on the cake.
In the end, all three have very different things to offer gamers. Microsoft is still firmly situating themselves to dominate over the online arena while Sony plays catch-up and tries to take away their thunder by offering Blu-ray out of the box (and not with an add-on like the 360 will need for HD DVD) and appealing to the high-end video and audiophiles. Meanwhile, Nintendo sits in the background and waits for the unsuspecting public to just have an utter ball with what they have to offer, not really giving a damn if they’re the prettiest kid in school just so long as they’re the most popular.
Andrew Wilmot
Photo : Wii remote , www.wii.nintendo.com
OVEN BAKED COOKIE
LAURA PREPON
Straight outta Jersey, That 70's Show tomboy Donna is hot! She's hot because she's different.
She has said that offset she is just like Donna and while most of the attention goes to 'Jackie' type chicks Laura's voice, sarcasm and super sexy height make us go, yeah that's right. Plus, her name is Laura!
Redhead or blonde, she rocks it.