ISS 15 (2006) DEC 1 - DEC 20
WHO : David Taylor
WHEN : Dec 1
WHERE: The Nelson Cafe
The Nelson Café is a cozy hole in the wall, tables and stools tucked tightly to the walls leading to a small stage at the back beside an overhang that protects it from the washrooms and way at the back, behind the stage, there’s another table under a small, fogged-up window. Exposed redbrick gives the place a coldwater flat, beat hang-out pad kind of feel, welcoming and unpretentious, and as I would soon discover, it was just the place to see Dave Taylor.
Mr. Taylor, hair pulled back in long wheat-field-blond ponytail, wearing a Pacific Northwest plaid- patterned lumberjack shirt and plain blue jeans, face earnest and familiar like ex-MuchMusic VJ Steve Anthony’s, ambled up on stage to a keyboard piano and a guitar resting against the redbrick wall.
“Hey everybody,” he said lowly into the microphone, “I’m Dave—I’d like to play some music for you—“ A hush fell over the place as unassuming, lackadaisical keyboard-piano tones wafted into the smoke and ambient din, mingling harmoniously. Mr. Taylor’s song segued into “Little Red Rooster” and ended to a round of appreciative applause. Sensing the living-room in front of a roaring fire vibe, he picked up the guitar and strummed a Christmas song, and it didn’t feel out of place at all.
The tinkling of glasses, clattering of dropped kitchen utensils, the guys beside me talking—“I wish I could play video games for a living,” “It probably isn’t much of a living,” “Well depends on the game—” and Mr. Taylor’s soothing, rum & eggnog-softened James Taylor croon transformed the evening’s mood into what felt like an old Christmas time get together. “Just wrote that one…” he admitted.
“I ain’t a stereotype…” Mr. Taylor sang, his voice like Paul Simon on downers, but rich and melodic. He bobbed gently, glowing under the red stage-light, and his hearth-fire singing warmed our cold souls. The smoke cleared and Mr. Taylor played what could have been the intro to CCR’s “Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog”. After a couple more tunes, including “Movin’ Up”, a Sunday evening, bouncy, blues number, he took a little break and joined his girl at the bar.
“Thanks for comin out in this terrible weather,” he said when he got back on stage. “This one’s called ‘Let it Rain’, but I think I’ll change it to ‘Let it Snow’.” It had an intro like Lightfoot’s “Rainy Day People” and the same gloom too, but Mr. Taylor’s voice, mellow as a shot of Jack Daniels, warmed us all the way down. “I’m gonna play one on the electric piana—this one’s ‘Ruby Rose’,” he said, and played a soulful simplistic ditty, reminiscent of Ben Harper’s “Steal My
Kisses”.
He gets a lot of jump out of that keyboard, and flourishes his excellent playing with delicate ivory- ticklings. His foot taps resounded like drumbeats on the small stage, and I could easily envision him in front of an old stand-up piano or baby grand, kicking his feet or letting his hair down and really cutting loose, or with a small band behind him filling out the blues/rock sound that gives each of his songs an irrepressible, joyous rhythm.
Mr. Taylor won’t fill GM Place, but he plays like he loves music, and doesn’t appear to be concerned about performing, but instead connecting, immediately and intimately and humanly, through the medium of music. Catch him at a cozy joint like the Nelson Café where it’s easy to think you’re at a small gathering of close friends, where smiles and words and music is all it takes to melt the snow that weighs so heavily on our souls.*
Liam Ford
Rain, cold, snow. It’s that time of year when going to the theatre and watching a flock of dancing penguins may be just the elixir to elevate your mood. This week, we check out a couple of animated feature films that will appeal to both adults and children alike.
HAPPY FEET (2006)
The things you learn from animated films. In ads now showing in theatres, penguins partying to the music of the Beach Boys awaken polar bears. Not only was this occurrence a surprise to me, I was intrigued to learn that there were penguins in the north (or perhaps polar bears in the south). Who knew?
Penguins have always been up there on the list of cute animals and last year’s astonishing documentary, ‘March of the Penguins’ has made these birds a fan favourite. In ‘Happy Feet’ the emperor penguins have an incredible knowledge of both modern music and dance. At first I thought that perhaps the Internet had changed their lives. But as the movie progressed, we learn that these penguins had never even heard of humans, only rumours of ‘aliens.’ In fact, in a very clever scene, a bird describes being abducted by aliens and released with a band on its leg. It is true, however, that emperor penguins do choose mates based on their individual songs and this is the basis of the problem faced by our young penguin hero Mumble (voiced by the former hobbit, Elijah Wood). When his mother Norma Jean (voiced by Nicole Kidman) was away feeding on fish for the family, his father was responsible for incubating the egg. In a moment of inattention, Memphis (voiced by Hugh Jackman) allows the egg to slip from under his protective body. This may have been the cause of Mumble’s condition: namely the inability to sing in tune. There is one thing that Mumble can do and do well: dance. He’s a fabulous tap dancer. But his singing is so screechy and off key that he is ostracized by the group. The only one who accepts him is the lovely Gloria (voiced by Brittany Murphy). Mumble does find solace in a group of five penguins from a different flock. They all have Spanish accents and are
lead by Ramon (voiced by Robin Williams).
There are two distinct story lines in this animated feature. One involves the emperor penguin society and their religious myths about reality. It seems they believe that the present lack of fish in the seas is a result of their god’s unhappiness and a misfit like Mumble could be the cause. Their leader Noah (voiced by Hugo Weaving) banishes Mumble because he refuses to change his ways and conform to the beliefs of the group. If this sounds like a knock against religious intolerance, it is. Mumble believes the cause of their problems has something to do with the aliens (humans). He decides to journey farther than any penguin has ventured to prove his theory. He is joined on this trek by Ramon and friends, and the prophetic Lovelace (also voiced by Robin Williams).
The animation in this film is exquisite. The rendering of the animals, especially the whales and seals, makes them seem very real. The vistas of the Antarctic world are breath taking with blowing snow and collapsing icebergs filling the screen. Director George Miller (Mad Max) combines live action humans against the backdrop of the animated world. It’s very effective. The music and singing is energetic and exuberant though Brittany Spear’s singing lacked the power demonstrated by the other singing voices. The songs are rock and rhythm and blues based and the soundtrack makes you want to get up and dance with the penguins. The teenagers in the audience laughed quite often during this film and it seems that the target audience is 8 to 10 year olds and up. See it in the theatre if you have the chance. It’s
good fun.
Running Time: 108 minutes
Five stars out of Five
THE POLAR EXPRESS (2004)
Originally released in 2004, this film has been re-released the past two years. It is the beginning of a Christmas tradition, just as watching ‘Miracle on 34th Street,’ ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ or ‘A Christmas Carol’ (the version with Alister Sims) is a yearly yuletide ritual. The film now showing in specialized theatres is different. You have the opportunity to have an astounding cinematic experience if you live in a city that offers ‘Polar Express’ in the 3-D IMAX format. In the city of Vancouver, where I am based, you can see this at the CN IMAX Theatre at Canada Place. What’s the big deal? The screen is eight stories high and the surround sound system sports over 120 different speakers. When you enter the theatre, you are handed new oversized 3-D glasses that are big enough to fit over your own glasses and light enough to forget you are wearing them. To see this exquisitely rendered computer- animated film in 3-D is breath taking! Everything has a depth and a real life quality with colours and sounds that are astonishing.
The director, Robert Zemeckis, in collaboration with Tom Hanks, used a process called "performance capture," in which human actors performed the movements, which are then translated into lifelike animation. The process makes the characters move with the grace and ease of a real actor. ‘Polar Express’ is a Christmas story about a young boy who does not believe in Christmas. On Christmas Eve, he is awakened by the turbulent appearance of a steam train chugging to a halt in front of his house. The lad boards this train and is whisked, with other children, on the Polar Express to the North Pole. Tom Hanks voices five different characters in this film and each is distinctive. The story takes place entirely at night however it’s not a dark story. This is a tale that dispenses with some of the usual Christmas clichés and creates a world of its own. The North Pole with its enormous Christmas tree and playful elves is a visual delight. This is an uplifting tale that will make you wish you had the opportunity to ride the Polar Express to the North Pole when you were young. I’m sorry that I believed in Santa as a child. If only I was a young cynic, I could have accepted the conductor’s invitation and got on board. You have the opportunity to do just that. Give your self, your friends and family an early Christmas gift and take the to see this film. You will not be disappointed.
Running Time: 99 minutes
Five Stars out of Five (for the 3D IMAX Experience)
Coming Soon
H&M, the Swedish born mass retailer and the Mecca of democratic fashion has consistently prided itself on bringing high fashion off the runways and onto the streets.
Finally, after much pleading and several petitions H&M is coming to Vancouver! H&M has only recently made its debut in Canada, having opened its doors in the Promenade shopping centre in Toronto in March 2004. The reception has been hugely favorable and the retailer giant quickly expanded to eight locations in the city. Once the Canadian consumer was deemed ready based on this test market H&M begun to look into other major Canadian cities. Supposedly deterred by limited retail space and high rent prices this move has not been easy. Furthermore will Vancouver react to a more fashion forward look over the uber-casual, Lululemon clad Vancouver uniform that we have grown so accustomed? We will soon find out. H&M will take up residence at Robson and Granville as soon as late 2007.
Lets take a closer look at Vancouver’s newest fashion invader!
H&M has been a fixture on the Swedish retailing scene for almost 60 years, and has branched out into other counties since the 1960s. Their most recent fashion coup is bringing couture to the masses. Upscale designers such as Karl Lagerfeld, Stella McCartney and Viktor & Rolf have always catered to only the economic elite until they begun collaborations with H&M, creating a budget, limited release collection to be sold exclusively at H&M. Viktor and Rolf has gone on record saying, "If haute couture is the most sublime form of fashion, H&M is fashion at its most democratic,” they say. “Our roots are based in couture. It's the heart and soul of our work. But we also love to play with opposites: transformation is a key element of our signature style. For us, fashion is an antidote to reality."
Tips for the Opening:
1. Wear protection: No, not the “no glove no love” sort of protection. (H&M’s fitting rooms are often chaotic and the long lines of people tend to frown on that sort of behavior in the store) Seriously though, this store is always busy even in the off hours but especially when a new collection (particularly the limited release designer collections) is released. So be prepared to fight!
2. Take the time to figure out your size before taking 30 items to the fitting room. The sizing is a bit tricky and tends to run a bit small. If you are usually a 4 or 6 you may be an 8 or even a 10. (Those Swedes must be tiny!)
3. Want the ultimate bargain? Be prepared to dig. The sale racks are often overloaded and while H&M has staff everywhere this area is particularly difficult to keep clean. That being said if you take the time to sift through these piles you can find items for practically nothing.
4. Be wary of trends. H&M is the best place to try out new and edgy trends since the items are basically priced to be disposable but don’t buy it just because it's new. Make sure it fits and suits your lifestyle.
5. Don’t be a billboard. H&M head to toe? Definite NO NO! You do not need to be a walking advertisement. Do not copy the looks of the mannequins. Mix and match and create your own look. H&M pieces work best to update a more upscale classic look or mixed with a casual individualized look.
6. Be creative! Keep in mind that you will not be the only one to have a particular item so make it unique in how you wear it.
Just one example of a Vancouver/H&M petition
To: H&M Corporate offices
I am on a mission to open an H&M clothing store
in Vancouver BC Canada,
because of its great clothing quality, its hard to beat prices,
and its stand out fashion.
As a shopper in the Vancouver area, it would be great to see
a store with great prices, but high end fashion styles.
If you agree that an H&M clothing store should be opened in the Vancouver area please sign this petition.
To learn more about H&M visit there site at the following link:
http: //www.hm.com/
To learn more about this petition please visit the following link:
http://www.freewebs.com/bringhandm
Sincerely,
The Undersigned *
Jaime Shulman
Bed of Nails by Michael Slade
A psychopath convicted of killing dozens of people sits in an affluent insane asylum. This man, ‘the Ripper” is not just some Jack the Ripper copycat, he claims to be the original man who butchered Whitechapel prostitutes so he could time travel to the future. Convinced that occult forces are working against him, he plots the demise of Zinc Chandler, the Canadian Mountie who caught him, and masterminds crimes from behind bars. His ever powerful reach follows Zinc all the way to the mysterious Cook Islands, where they have a fine tradition of murder, human sacrifice, and cannibalism.
This novel from Michael Slade is bloody, violent, and full of gore. It’s also better than you’d expect. Alongside the paranormal thriller aspect is a well researched history of cannibalism through the ages, some “who dunnit” type mystery, and even a hint of romance. It certainly doesn’t hurt that it centers around fan favorite Zinc Chandler. As interesting as the story was I really felt like the historical aspect of it stole the show, encompassing everything from the exploration of Captain Cook all the way up to modern day killers like Jeffrey Dahmer and Edmund Kemper.
Unfortunately a lot of time is spent catching the reader up on what’s gone on in previous Slade novels, it was nice not to have to read the whole series but a lot of the stuff mentioned really had nothing to do with the current tale, and really didn’t add much to fleshing out Chandler as a character. I imagine that long time readers of Slade got bored rehashing the same ground. Their were a few loose threads, and you could see the twist ending by the time you were a third of the way through the book, but it was still an entertaining read.*
Renee Mallett
Ode to yoga
Pour quoi pas Tadasana?
Pranayama don’t cha wanna?
There is no yama without niyama.
Yoga is chita, chita vriti, chita vriti neurode.
Do you dig my ode?
My third eye expands to become infinity
Time and space are endless false realities
Seemingly solid form is transparent
Every man is the alchemist
Check out my chakras
Red, orange, yellow, heart, star
Kundalini blast
Getting high on pure energy
Avrita tastes so sweet, why do we need to eat?
Drink the sun’s rays, digest the living earth
Instead of masturbation try meditation
Internalize don’t deteriorize the flow
Just let go then you will see
The show around you
Play your part…unattached
Moderation is the key
Find the balance
The road is straight and narrow
Don’t be blind see your spine
Is the way so treat it kind
Realization that the vibration of
Om, Om, Om will take you home
To God
Chant a mantra or practice tantra
Materialize dreams with mind power
Don’t you see we are free
When we choose to be
See a woman as your mother
See man as your brother
Only then can we break the den
Of limitations. *
Charity West
photo : Charity West (c) 2006
POEM # 32
Decided to lay back close my eyes and materialize my world to come.
Ideas flowing constantly like a wave of conscious energy desires unleashed from the dam of my super conscious mind.
Make rhymes about chimes every time they ring a man and a woman do their thing.
Want to shape shift to become the woman I want to be, the spirit I know who is free.
All pervading, all powerful is my mother above, she shows me with her love, but so am I, in my dreams I can fly, live eternally, never die.
I dreamt a dream last night, so did I, that dreamers often lie. Remember, recognize realize that you and God are one you can become anything you will, don’t wish create not hate
Let go of doubt or your dreams will be shut out, screwed shut, bottled up
Be kind, rewind your mind for time of reflection, confection something sweet
Like treating your self to some freedom bask in the garden of Eden
Take a trip trip to Sweden
Beat em, thoughts of desire
Conspire to overcome become one
Again. *
Charity West
The Main Way to Go
One of Vancouver’s best-kept secrets, Main Street emerges into the trendy urban scene of the growing economic city of Vancouver as a must-go for fashionistas in search for unique original Vancouver style. Just screaming the very essence of what every Vancouverite wants to be, the one-of-a-kind Main Street designers set their prized achievements out in their store-fronts attracting those who had formally bombarded Vancouver’s famous Robson Street for a true taste of what Vancouver has to offer. A contagious mix of old-Vancouver and new-Vancouver makes Main Street a hodgepodge of fashion, food and culture.
From about 16th Avenue to 33rd and Main, are where the cream-of-the-crop of Vancouver’s independent designers are located. Here fashion-hunters can find a wide variety of fresh new designs or vintage consignments, as well as antique shops, novelty and book stores, and home accessory shops. For the prowling stylish woman, Barefoot Contessa and Ark Clothing can be found on Main Street as well as Beansprout and Chick Pea children’s boutiques for the little ones in-training. My Orange Bag and Retro Rock Vintage are a must-see for the hidden treasures of the epitome of fashion from decades past. There are accessories galore on Main at Buenostyle and Shop Cocoon for the trendily bohemian organic lifestyle.
Famished by the exhausting lifestyle of a trendy urban shopper, Main has a wide assortment of ethic and fusion restaurants and even more coffee shops. Unique, cozy eateries – such as Locus – provide an artistic presentation in atmosphere and cuisine. For years has The Grind Coffee Shop been the best coffee spot on Main Street, open 24-hours and welcome to shoppers, families, students and friends.
The secret’s out! If you’ve lived in Vancouver and have never meandered up and down Main Street, you are missing out on an essential electivity that Vancouver has always had. *
Melissa Joaquin
Many people on the Internet have the habit of typing in a fad called "Internet shorthand". They type with "lol", "lmao", "WTF", etc. You've probably seen them if you've gone to any major, popular forum board, there should be at least 10 people who speak that way.
I just feel this is wrong. How is this wrong? Well, for several reasons. It shows great laziness on the writer's part. It's extremely childish. It doesn't look serious. Half the time, I can't even read what users are typing when using shorthand. There are hundreds of shortcuts being used right now. The entire list can be seen here: http://www.netlingo.com/emailsh.cfm. While there is nothing I or anybody else who has the same views as I do can do to stop it, we just ignore those posts. Why? It's extremely childish. We're using our efforts to type properly, to give out information properly, to use sentence structure and spelling and everything else in the English language, we do. Yet, they take it for granted.
Now, whenever I have this conversation with anybody I know, they will say that it's the Internet, not grammar school. I just don't get the point of that. So for example, lawyers can type legal documents with Internet shorthand, just because it is not grammar school? That would be really confusing, wouldn't it?
Internet shorthand is a phenomenon that is rushing into the minds of Internet users, particularly younger children. That's bad for me too. I'm an eleven year old, and I usually keep this to myself. But once they know, they start to shun me, just because I'm "young and childish lol u 2 dum." The reason they gave me was that I type in stupid "lingo", which I don't, but somehow the mention of "eleven year old" sparked that thought in their minds.
I just hope this will stop eventually. This makes browsing the Internet so un-enjoyable, so difficult, so hard to comprehend. And that's why I hate the fad "Internet shorthand".
Justin Chau
How to give a good blow job!
Even wondered if you are doing IT right? Ever watched a porno and thought, “Crap, I can’t fit it that deep down my throat!” No need to worry, there are classes to help us curious folk find out how to give a good blow. I recently took a class at The Art of Loving on 5th and Burrard in Vancouver. Much to my delight, this little store had lots of fun sex toys, boxes and other sexy paraphernalia. Before the class even started, I was on cloud 9 fondling all the goodies!
When I registered for the class, I wondered if you could teach a seasoned vet anything new. I also wondered what kind of person would teach such a course. I had 2 thoughts, either a very old woman who was a hooker in Vietnam, or an UBER gay man (a la Andy Dick in the movie Old School). I was more than pleasantly surprised when I met Vera, part owner of the store, and our guide to oral sex enlightenment for the night. A pretty thing she was, who spent a few minutes at the beginning of the class explaining its format. On my way to the class, I worried about feeling like an idiot at the thought of actually giving head to a dildo or some vegetable for practice, but thankfully, there was no actual oral participation.
We covered a surprising amount of theory, including the health risks involved, and talked about why men like to receive BJ’s and even got to watch a few clips from an “Educational Porn”. I’ve learned a few things here and there from porn, but this was actually a porn star sitting on the sidelines watching people get it on, giving us the play by play. It sounds funny, and it was but I won’t lie, I liked it!
I have to say, my favourite part was when we got to play with the dildos. There where so many sizes colours and shapes. While Vera educated us, I couldn’t help but stroke the big silicone cock in my hand. Feeling a bit silly, I looked around and saw a few others doing it to!
Probably one of the most important things I learned was about the hand play involved. We talked about how because of porn, everyone assumes that you should try to cram it as deep down your throat was possible, while there are so many other fantastic ways to please your partner. Did you know that the balls are a good place to suck? Hmm, I have refused in the past, and will refuse right now to suck a hairy nut, but that Edu Porn Star was going to town on the “Velvety Smooth Sack”, I ain’t gonna lie, it intrigued me!
I would say of those attending, I was one of the youngest. It made me feel good to see how many married woman were interested in learning how to please their partners. Something tells me this class may be the answer to decreasing divorce in Vancouver!
The Art of Loving offers a wide variety of classes and seminars. Some are for woman only, others for men, and some are for partners. I encourage everyone reading this to check out their website(http://www.theartofloving.ca) and see what sexy truths you could unleash about yourself (mine was definitely the desire to suck a nut) and learn a little more about the human body. Until then, have fun, play safe, and go suck a nut of your own! *
Lisa Powell
Art : Jason Willmann (c) 2006
What : Lost - “I do”
Where : ABC
When : Wed 9/8 C
ABC appears to be the one network out there that, not matter how well they do and how many hits they have, they just can’t let things work on any kind of familiar schedule. The worst example of this was in Alias’ third season, when there was a period of time of three months where they aired only two or three new episodes. It gets downright offensive at times and you can’t help but wonder if all this juggling is to just mess with the heads of the viewing public. This year’s case in point: Lost.
The show that brought back the public’s interest in scripted television, and dug ABC out of an early grave in the last spot of the major networks, is the latest victim of this practice. After a wicked cliffhanger at the end of the second season, Lost came roaring out this year and immediately started diving into the myopic and mysterious past of the island’s villains, the Others. With six episodes from October to mid November, the writers finally started giving us some info on these villains, although most of it is more confusing at this point than anything and we still don’t believe anything we’ve seen so far.
And not only in regards to the Others, but we’ve gotten a fair number of answers and loose threads tied up in just the last two episodes: Last week we came to the end of Mr. Eko’s journey on the island and learned a few things in the process - why he was building that church on the island, what Locke saw when he looked into the smoke monster back in season one, and most of all, we learned that the smoke monster is the source of all the hallucinations that the castaways have been going through, and that it is definitely more than capable of tossing a human around like a rag doll.
This week we got a few more things tied up while learning much more about Kate in the process. We had heard in past episodes that she was not only married while she was on the lamb, but also had a pregnancy scare. In this episode we got the details of all of that (including Kate’s unfortunate husband, Firefly’s Nathan Fillion) and also finally came to the end of the love triangles’ first step where Kate finally made her choice of Sawyer over Jack.
It was in the last few minutes of the episode where things truly got interesting. Jack finally made his play against the others and, with the leader of the Others on a surgical table in front of him, back open and in the middle of an operation. He sliced into the kidney and is letting Ben bleed out slowly while Sawyer and Kate are able to make a break for it. The episode ends here, with Jack yelling for them to run for their lives while the rain thunders down around them.
And now, thanks to ABC’s undying wisdom, there is a frickin’ twelve week hiatus on Lost while they premiere a show called Daybreak (looks like a cross between Groundhog Day and a poor man’s 24). Lost will be back with seventeen new episodes, no repeats or missed weeks in February. That part I like, but I can’t help but wish ABC had just gone the 24 route and waited until January to premiere so they could just show it as one big season. Oh well, at least we had a hell of an interesting mini-season. . . just sucks to have to wait for the real deal.
Bring it on.*
Andrew Wilmot
What : Brothers and Sisters - “Mistakes Were Made, Pt. 1"
Where: ABC
When : Sun 10/9C
From executive producer Ken Olin of Alias and Thirtysomething fame, ABC’s Brothers and Sisters is yet another one hour drama that tries to do something new and interesting with the same tired concepts. To some degree it succeeds, but in some areas it still struggles to be anything beyond a soap opera wrapped in a prettier sheen.
The story is about the Walker family, a family with three brothers and two sisters and how they interact and weave in
and out of each other’s lives while their mother still works to cope with the death of the family patriarch early in the series. It transitions between time periods fairly regularly, employing flashbacks that are all the rage these days (not the most wonderful thing Lost has inflicted upon us as too many are using this as a crutch now) to tell it’s tale and develop the character archetypes.
At it’s core, it is a story about family relations and as such doesn’t strive to tell an overarching plot but takes the operatic approach of having each week simply being a new facet of these lives explored and expanded upon, delving into the ramifications of each of their decisions. This week’s episode dealt with the youngest son, Justin, getting orders from the military to ship back to the war in the Middle East, despite how much his first tour scarred him. He wants to do anything possible to get out of going back and turns to his siblings for help. Surrounding this are various subplots about the mother starting to date again, the middle brother dealing with his homosexual relationship, and one of the sisters dealing with her step son and trying to meld their relationship together.
In the end, the show is neither terribly exciting or particularly riveting. Not really bad or good, just adequate. It does have some snappy writing, particularly in some of the familial exchanges (love good sarcasm), and a fantastic cast (Sally
Field, Tom Skerrit, Calista Flockhart, Rachel Griffiths, Ron Rifkin, Patricia Wettig, Balthazar Getty, etc.) to keep it afloat for the time being, but in truth I don’t see enough strength and originality to really keep it apart from the pack for too long. Time will tell, but eight episodes in I am sad to say I am underwhelmed.*
Andrew Wilmot
Title: Final Fantasy XII
Playstation 2
Price: $59.95
# of Players: 1
Graphics: 5/5
Sound and Music: 5/5
Control: 4/5
Overall: 5/5
Sure November was chock full of new consoles taking over the stores, but it was also a big month for Square-Enix - three Final Fantasy games in three weeks time. Kicking off the fantasy deluge was the long-awaited, oft-delayed Final Fantasy XII. In development for more than four years and suffering a very public display of delays and internal strife (the director leaving the project halfway through citing health problems), Final Fantasy XII has not only finally seen the light of day, but has surprised everyone by not only living up to the hype, but exceeding it in nearly every way possible.
FFXII tells the story of the Kingdom of Dalmasca in the world of Ivalice. In the epic opening scene we are witness to the marriage of Dalmasca’s Lady Ashe, her husband going off to war to defend their country against the invading Archadian Empire, getting killed in battle, and then watching the empire completely steam roll over Dalmasca, subjugating it under a new Consul, Lord Vayne, who looks like a pretty boy but talks like a politician. And all of this happens in the first ten
minutes or so. All in all, one hell of an opening.
This brings me to my first talking point with this game - the story. Not everyone does, but a great many play RPG’s because they want to get lost in a story, a world that they can sympathize with and get excited about. That is easily the area FFXII most obviously shines. All the Final Fantasy titles have had fun, engaging stories, but they have all been relatively age neutral - keeping the tales simple enough for kids to understand while epic enough for fantasy loving adults to get in on. FFXII takes no such hits to it’s credibility and presents an epic, very political tale right from the start. It never minces words, never wastes time with histories or tangents to awkwardly describe a facet of the world, rather it assumes you will be able to figure things out for yourself and just drops you right in on the action. This can be a little jarring at first, but in the end it is far more engaging and fast-paced. There has also been a lot of clatter about these characters not being as developed as in prior games, but I’d hazzard to say that they are even more developed, they just never beat you over the head with their growth as characters by forcing you down an awkward side quest that
conveniently dives into their past while doing nothing to progress the story. In FFXII, the characters service the story completely and vice versa, and as a result they feel more real than in any other game in the series. Without a doubt, this is one of the only games I can think of where I’d say if this was a novel, I’d read it.
As is expected from Square-Enix, the graphics do not disappoint in any way. They may seem a little worse for wear compared to a lot of games out there now, but they’ve taken no shortcuts and have fully rendered an entire world to scale - not a lot of games on the market doing that at the moment (although Dragon Quest VIII and Oblivion do it quite admirably). It’s very easy to get fully engrossed in a game when it drops you into a massive underground tomb and you really do feel like an ant in the scope of it all.
Musically I would say this is the best of the series - it may not have such memorable hooks as VI or VII, but it feels, for the first time, like the music belongs in the world and isn’t servicing it externally. There’s a definite musical quality in it that not many games have achieved (Vagrant Story, FF Tactics, Chrono Trigger/Cross, Xenogears. . . all better examples of musical scores in games). It feels appropriately epic in scope and never feels out of place for a second.
The only nick in the fine coat of polish is the game’s control scheme. Ditching the turn based combat of the rest of the series, FFXII has adopted an MMO style of play, keeping things real time and placing a large portion of the strategy and how well you can design your team mate’s Gambits (AI mannerisms that dictate how a character will react in battle). It does significantly speed up battle (especially since there are no more random encounters), but it takes a good long while to get used to. The other small point of contention is with the camera. Because this game is in a full 3-d world for the first time in the series, the camera is also fully rotatable and left completely to your own control. This is both good and bad - it helps to further the feeling that you’re in this world and that the world isn’t designed to your needs
specifically, but it also makes seeing what you’re doing in the heat of battle a bit of a pain (especially in some boss fights when they tower over you in every sense).
Overall, the positive far outweighs the negative, and despite doubts, fears and apprehensions, Final Fantasy XII has not only succeeded in rejuvenating a series in danger of becoming stagnant, but gone on to become one of the greatest RPG’s in years (I’d place it second or third in the FF series after VI and maybe IV). Definitely a good buy if you’ve got fifty hours to kill.
Title: Final Fantasy III
Nintendo DS
Price: $39.95
# of Players: 1
Graphics: 5/5
Sound and Music: 3/5
Control: 4/5
Overall: 4/5
The missing link in a multi-generational series, Final Fantasy III was the only title in the long-running series that had never made it to North America before (the FFIII that came out on the SNES back in ‘94 was actually FFVI, but the name was changed in the overseas trip to correspond with the fact that we only received half of what they produced in the series). Not content to just release it as a budget title (as was done with the Playstation FF Anthology and Chronicles),
Square-Enix has rebuilt FFIII from the ground up and brought it over finally as one of the DS’ flagship titles.
This is a game that is meant for the die-hard strategist at heart. The plot is incredibly simple and straight forward and is little more than a means to propel the gameplay. The series didn’t start getting deep in it’ s storytelling until FFIV so the earlier titles relied heavily on strategy, stat-building play. FFIII is where things really started to get interesting as it
introduced the job system that has been a large facet of so many titles since then - assigning a certain skill set to a particular character and building them up so that they acquire more abilities. It is a type of gameplay that unravels incredibly into something that you can literally spend hundreds of hours delving into without ever repeating a character combination or finding yourself without something new to do or acquire. This is where the game shines, not in the story but in the detailed gameplay.
Graphically it is a marvel on the DS. I knew the system could handle 3- dimensional graphics, but it is still a gorgeous sight. The unbalanced, big-headed polygon characters look fantastic and the world is very much fleshed out compared to it’s meagre NES beginnings. Still not as beautiful as a lot of PSP games out there, but a damn pretty sight for handheld gaming regardless.
Aurally, the game does what it can with the DS’ limited capabilities. It is certainly a step or two above the original NES, but still far removed from the quality of music we are seeing in so many games nowadays. Nintendo and Nintendo products seem to be some of the most reluctant to move into the 21st century when it comes to sound technology (anyone care to tell me why Twilight Princess isn’t orchestrated?!), but it is very much adequate for what it tries to do. I’m just wishing for more in the end.
In terms of control, there is very little that can be done to make handheld gaming exceptional in this area, but FFIII doesn’t disappoint for what it presents. General travelling works flawlessly and the battles are responsive. The only problem is that they can sometimes be a little on the slow side, but that’s more a nitpick against the overall design of the game rather than just the controls.
If you consider yourself anything remotely close to a FF diehard, you need this game, even if just to complete the time line from I - XII (we’ll disregard the embarrassment that was X-2). It won’t make you forget about the more advanced, epic titles in the series, but it is a piece of gaming history long desired and a quality experience in it’s own right.
Title: Final Fantasy V Advance
Game Boy Advance
Price: $39.95
# of Players: 1
Graphics: 3/5
Sound and Music: 3/5
Control: 5/5
Overall: 4/5
Once considered a forgotten title like FFIII, Final Fantasy V made it’s way to North America as part of the Final Fantasy Anthology for the Playstation a number of years back. Taking the job system introduced in FFIII to new heights, FFV was long considered to be one of the best games in the series and was highly sought after. Now in 2006, it has been released once more as Final Fantasy V Advance.
Similar to FFIII, FFV has very little in terms of an engaging story to tell. They took a step back from the melodrama of Cecil and Kane in FFIV and went back to focussing on the gameplay while stringing together a tale about a villain named X-Death and something about N-Zones. Oh, and there’s a pirate who passes for a guy who everyone thinks is a girl who claims to be a guy but is really a girl. So yeah, not the greatest tale. Damn good play though - it takes the job system previously introduced and makes it much deeper with a lot more classes and tasks to achieve or acquire. Again, your love or hatred of this game, much like FFIII, will depend on just how much time you want to devote to level grinding and
building the best damn warriors imaginable. For me, I prefer an engaging tale first and foremost so I was left a bit cold after this game. Not bad, just not that deep narratively.
Graphically the game has not changed much since it’s original incarnation. It’s early SNES graphics so nothing bad, but nothing grand either. In some ways the world itself is a bit less attractive than FFIV so it feels a bit drab from time to time.
Similar to the graphics, the games’ sound and music have not changed significantly at all. Still not bad, just nothing special.
The control is pitch-perfect for this type of game and it does play surprisingly well on a handheld system. One thing I would suggest though, is playing it on a DS as opposed to a GBA as it’s a wider system so your hands won’t cramp as much.
Like FFIV Advance before it, there is an extra dungeon and a whole wack of bonus stuff, but it’s all just for fun and has little impact on the game itself. If you’re collecting the series, it is nice to have a fun title like this for bus rides and the like, but I’d say you’re better off waiting for Final Fantasy VI Advance next year - best of the 2-D games in the series.*
Andrew Wilmot
What is with the notion that to be “one of the guys” you must drink beer, never wear make-up and love sports?
I have been considered one of the guys my whole life and it’s solely because 95% of my friends are men and that’s who I prefer to hang out with.
If all men loved sports and beer then I could see how it makes sense but that’s not the case – at least not in my experience.
This new show on TBS has come out “ My Boys” and it does nothing but play up this stereotype that is simply, tired.
She drinks, plays on the baseball team, is the typical tomboy.
Since Betty & Veronica we’ve been expected to believe that a woman is either stuck-up and dressed to impress or would rather die than go shopping and love nothing more than to watch the game with the guys – but be careful, she has to be hot or she’s a dyke.
As women, we all have male friends but for lots of chickies out there, their guy friends are just men who want to sleep with them and therefore people they make a point of avoiding the chance of being alone with.
The only show that took a woman and gave her a fair balance of girly and tomboy was Seinfeld. That’s right, Elaine Benes was the ultimate one of the guys.
She wore makeup, went shopping, dated lots of men and yet still found time to sit around the coffee shop with 2 men daily, sometimes 3 and talk about work, sex and how stupid everything around them is.
That is being one of the guys.
Next time you see a typical Donna vs Jackie storyline, think of this article and say to yourself “ Yes Laura, how right you were - how right you were.” Letting a tear fall is optional.*
Laura V
OVEN BAKED COOKIE
CHARLIZE THERON
She started out as a dancer and model when she was 14.
Being from South Africa, she learned to Speak English from watching soap operas but now we don't get to hear her sexy accent!
She won an academy award in 2003 for her role in Monster , a role she gained 30 lbs and rid her gorgeous looks for, and there is plenty of quality work still to come from her.
And of course, she's smoldering.