ISS 18(2006) FEB 2 - FEB 21
The Other Side of World War II
In order to have a war, and please correct me if I’m wrong, two nations have to engage in fighting. Most World War II films we’ve seen have been produced by Hollywood and they have examined combat from the point of view of the Americans as they triumphed over the enemy, either Germany or Japan. Few films have emerged that portray the different challenges and circumstances facing the enemy nations. Director Oliver Hirschbiegel’s film ‘Downfall’ and Clint Eastwood’s recently released ‘Letters From Iwo Jima’ are portraits of events as experienced by the other side. In this issue of Kira’s Eye, we step back into a world at war.
DOWNFALL (2005) This is the story of the last days of the Nazi regime. With few exceptions, the film takes place inside of Hitler's bunker beneath Berlin. As you watch, you wonder how this tragically detailed story could be accurate? Did the final days of the leaders of the Third Reich unfold in this way? At the end of the film there is a short film clip of Trudl Junge, shot shortly before her death at age 81. She was Adolph Hitler’s personal secretary from 1942 until the very end of his life in the bunker. It is her recollections, as outlined in her memoir, that form the basis of this narrative. Much like the claustrophobic ‘Das Boot,’ which took place inside a German U-Boat (submarine), this film takes place inside the enclosed concrete grey hallways and bunkers that housed Hitler and his inner circle.
His close advisors at that time included Magda Goebbels (Corrinna Harfouch) and Joseph Goebbels (Ulrich Matthes) and their six children, Dr. Albert Speer (Heino Ferch) and Hitler’s mistress Eva Braun (Juliane Kohler). Trudl Junge (Alexandra Maria Lara) is also living in this bunker with two other secretaries. Bruno Ganz provides a stirring and riveting performance as Hitler. Hitler’s madness explodes in his blame of everything and everyone for the failure of the war effort. He clings to a fantasy, not based on any information presented to him, that the troops will rally and save Berlin.
Bruno Ganz’s Hitler is intense, emotional and believable. As you observe the day-to-day lives of these leaders of German National Socialism, you feel no sorrow for them as they face their inevitable demise. They are people who have placed their country and its political agenda ahead of any real human value. Magda Goebbel’s horrifying last night with her children is a prime example of this inhumanity. Suffice to say that the Goebbels were intent on not living in a world without National Socialism. Shots of the streets of Berlin during those final hours expose to us both the German child soldiers who were conscripted to fight the advancing Russian troops and the civilians caught in the crossfire. These children and the civilians capture our sympathy, not the Nazis. This is an ntense, emotionally engaging film.
Running Time: 156 Minutes
In German with English subtitles – Available on DVD
Four Stars out of Five
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA (2006)
Director Clint Eastwood has created a sterling companion film to ‘Flags of Our Fathers,’ his movie about the invasion of Iwo Jima released in 2006. This is the first time that a director has created two films about one event, from two points of views. ‘Flags of Our Fathers’ chronicled the invasion of Iwo Jima by the Americans in February and March 1945. An overwhelming invasion force of 100,000 soldiers fought 22,000 Japanese infantrymen. Only 1,083 Japanese survived the battle, while 6,821 Americans were killed and 20,000 wounded.
This film focuses on the Japanese side of the battle. This was an important battle for the Japanese because the island was within flying, and therefore, bomber distance to mainland Japan. When Army General Tadamichi Kuribayashi (Ken Watanabe) arrives on the island, he is faced with Naval officers who want to defend the island using the traditional method of digging trenches on the beaches to repel the soldiers. General Kuribayashi redeploys the guns and troops to higher ground, much to the consternation of the Naval officers. Baron Nishi (Tsuyoshi Ihara) is an Olympic equestrian star who is seen exercising his horse on the beaches of the island. In addition to his duties as an officer, Nishi was sent to bolster troop morale. Nishi informs his commander that the Naval Fleet was recently destroyed and therefore he should not expect reinforcements to be deployed to help defend the island. The general realizes, at this moment, that this is probably a hopeless mission. One of the members of the Japanese infantry is Saigo (Kazunari Ninomiya), a baker with a wife and new daughter at home. In a letter to his wife, this gentle man writes, "This is the hole that we will fight and die in." Many Japanese cultural beliefs are examined in this film including the unquestioning devotion to their Emperor and the willingness to sacrifice your life in the cause of the country.
In a flashback, Saigo receives news that he has been conscripted into the Japanese army. He and his then pregnant wife are stunned at the response of his neighbors and friends who continually repeat how fortunate he is to have been chosen to die for his country. The honor is in death. To want to live is seen as cowardice and the soldiers would rather commit suicide than surrender.One of Saigo's companions is Shimizu (Ryo Kase), who has been reassigned to this island as punishment for disobeying a superior’s order to needlessly take a life. As in ‘Flags of Our Fathers,’ Clint Eastwood empathizes with the soldier on the ground, the pawns in a war conceived by generals and politicians. Eastwood humanizes the soldiers on both sides of the battle. We learn, from the narration of the Japanese soldier’s letters, of their lives and families and the desire to be anywhere but on this island, in battle. This is a beautiful and horrifying film. As this is a war film, expect scenes of battle and violence.
In Japanese with English Subtitles - In Theatres Now
Running Time: 140 minutes
Four stars out of five.
Allan Stanleigh
10 BEST ROMANTIC MOVIES WITH UNHAPPY ENDINGS
Valentine’s Day is coming up and we thought we'd mix it up a bit by offering you films with anything but happy, mushy endings.
10. Casablanca (1942)
Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman
Yes this is the one with all the quotes!
“Here’s looking at you, kid.”
“Play it again, Sam.”
“We’ll always have Paris.”
"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she
walks into mine."
"Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful
friendship."
I love a story that says “ Even though I ended up with someone else, I love you more”. It follows bar owner Rick (Bogart) and Ilsa (Bergman) in reminiscence of their hot, steamy love affair and the fact that she left him only to run into him again awhile later with her husband and needs Rick’s help to get out of the country. Hmmm, having to assist the love of your life and their new partner get out of the country fancyfree so you can be alone and miserable, who would do that? Rick would, that’s who. And Ilsa, having to leave while she sets off with her husband knowing she’ll never see Rick again.
9. The Way We Were (1973)
Barbra Streisand, Robert Redford
Political Katie (Streisand) and skeptical, athletic Hubbell (Redford) attend the same college but live two very different lives. Robert Redford is such a doll in this too – that adds some extra greatness. Time brings them together a few years after school is finished and the both have grown up – Hubbell having been in the army and is now an author. Katie comes on to Hubbell one night which pretty much starts a relationship between the two. Their political differences keep them together for a shorter time than anticipated as Hubbell cheats on a pregnant Katie with an ex- girlfriend and they split up. Down the road, they run into each other and Hubbell asks about their daughter but says he can never see her. It ends with them having nothing left of each other but a memory
8. La Vita e Bella (1997)
Roberto Benigni, Nicoletta Braschi
Guido (Benigni) is a Jewish man living in Italy where he wins the heart of his newfound principessa (princess!)Dora (Braschi) who leaves her fiancé for
him. Five years later during WWII, Guido and his son are sent to a concentration camp and to be with her family, principessa follows. She is separated from her son and family and to avoid having his son bare witness to the horrors of war, Guido pretends that it is all a game and gives the child rules to follow so that they can win a tank. At the end of the film, the boy is reunited with his mother telling her he won the game, though his father had just been killed be Nazis.
7. Ghost (1990) Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, Whoppi Goldberg
I’m totally into psychics and life after death and all that good stuff so aside from the classic pottery sex scene, it’s no surprise I love this movie. I love it especially because it shows the transformation of skeptics to believers and the fact that we love even in death. God, I’m a sap lately. It takes recently
deceased Sam (Swayze) who tries to connect to his fiancé Molly (Moore) through a fraudulent psychic
(Goldberg) in hopes of warning her that she is in danger. His plan is successful and he keeps Molly safe but after saying his goodbyes (as a ghost!), he walks into the bright light leaving earth and Molly behind.
6. Sweet November (2001)
Keanu Reeves, Charlize Theron
Career oriented Nelson (Reeves) ends up at the DMV one day where he meets Sara (Theron), a woman whose free spirit in his pion leaves much to be desired. They make a deal to stay together for a month – no more, no less. In this month Nelson learns to let go of his love for money and material and Sara learns to be more vulnerable. However, the month comes to and end and Nelson learns that Sara is fatally ill – hence her love of living life to the fullest. She refuses a marriage proposal from Nelson and we are left with her tying a blindfold to him eyes as she runs down the street away from him never to be seen again! It’s assumed she dies shortly after.
5.Corpse bride (2005)
Johnny Depp, Emily Watson, Helena Bonham Carter
Yes it is animated and yes, it counts! What I like about this movie is not only the obvious stunning visual appeal but the fact that it is dark, spooky and somewhat unpredictable. Ok and it stars longtime Tim Burton-ite Johnny Depp (Edward Scissorhands, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Ed Wood, Sleepy Hollow) Victor (Depp) and Victoria (Watson) a somewhat feeble pair who were each propelled into a marriage arranged by their parents. When the blundering male in the “relationship” messes up his wedding vows and is sent away into the forest to re-rehearse them, he simulates placing a ring on a finger (a twig) and is magically married to the Corpse Bride (Bonham Carter)! Will he stay married to the undead who has entertained him song, humor and dance or go back to where he came from, with a fiance he just met? Well I’ll tell you – he goes to where he came from and the corpse bride goes back to being dead and alone.
4. William Shakespear’s Romeo & Juliet (1996)
Claire Danes, Leonardo Dicaprio
We all know this story but it’s the adaptation for a youth targeted audience that makes me love this film. It first came out when I was in the ninth grade studying the original play in school and being fifteen, we all found it much easier to relate to a modern day film. It was not only the fact that this movie has two great actors as the leads (Danes and DiCaprio) but the soundtrack, contemporary clothing and camera techniques Baz Lurhmann uses make the whole package a modern cult classic. For those of you who don’t know the story – you’re idiots, but here goes : Juliet and Romeo are two teenagers whose families are enemies. However, they fall in love and agree to marry anyway. Ultimately, her cousin dies, his best friend dies and the tow of them are left dead in each other arms each by suicide knowing that was the only way they could ever be together anyway.
3. Prime (2005)
Uma Thurman, Bryan Greenberg
Love it! Rafi (Thurman) is a sexy, sophisticated divorcee who meets a much
younger artist (Greenberg) that also ends up being her psychiatrist Lisa’s (Meryl Streep) son. At first, Rafi is encouraged by Lisa to get over the 14 year age gap and pursue her new love interest - until she finds out that the love interest is her son. The couple face a handful of hardship and after a short time together, break up. After seeing each other in a market soon thereafter, they go for a romp and decide to be together after all – until Rafi finds out that during their short breakup, David slept with an acquaintance of hers and she leaves his ass for good. They see each other in passing one more time, which is the last.
2.Legends of the Fall (1994)
Brad Pitt, Julia Ormond
Tragedy, heartbreak, death, vengeance, it’s the best! Impressionable Samuel (Henry Thomas), responsible Alfred (Aidan Quinn) and free-spirited Tristan (Pitt) are the three sons of Colonel Ludlow (Anthony Hopkins) in the start of the 20th century whose lives change when they meet Susannah (Ormond).
Youngest brother Samuel brings his fiancé home to his family but then decides to join his two brothers in going to war. Susannah is asked to stay at the family home until Samuel’s return but gets news that he has died. Tristan and Alfred come home and in a moment of grieving, Tristan and Susannah sleep together and later decide to get married. However, Tristan feels like he needs to be away from home and goes traveling, writing Susannah letters and eventually telling her to move on without him. Some time later, Susannah accepts a marriage proposal from Alfred who is now a congressman. Years have passed and Tristan comes home only to find that Isabel, whose parents work for his father and who has grown up on his family’s land, has gone from little girl to woman and decides to marry her. Hearing about this,
Susannah is devastated and even more so when years pass and the couple have two children – Susannah and Alfred having none of their own. Being involved in bootlegged liquor, Tristan accidentally gets his wife killed and visiting him, Susannah tells him she is relieved that his wife and even her first fiancé Samuel are dead. Still, not being able to deal with the rejection from Tristan, Susannah kills herself by gunshot to the head . The movie ends with a flash forward to a few decades later when Tristan is killed by a bear.
1.The Notebook (2004)
Rachel McAdams, Ryan Gosling, Jason Marsden
Nothing made me realize I was a wuss, like watching this movie. A couple who meet in an old folks home bond over a story the man reads to the woman who has severe memory loss. The story follows the early 1900’s lives of well-off Allie (McAdams) and Noah (Gosling), her working class love interest. Because her parents don’t like the idea of their daughter being with someone lower class, they forbid her to see him and she moves away to school. He writes her letters everyday which her mother keeps from her. We flash forward to a few years down the road and Allie is now engaged to someone else – yet Noah, whose best friend has since died in the war, is sleeping with someone here and there but refuses to love anyone else. Allie comes back to town, sees Noah and they have a long awaited romp which eventually convinces Allie to stay with him.
However, we learn that the couple in the nursing home is in fact an old Allie and Noah and Allie comes in and out of remembering this all, due to her illness. One night, while Allie is well aware of her past and who she is, Noah sneaks into bed with her and they decide that they want their love to take them away! And they die right then and there.
There you go, folks! My top 10 romantic movies with sad endings list! When I was a kid I used to hate unhappy endings! I guess when you grow up you realize not all endings are happy so you tend to like those you can relate to – or maybe I’m so anti-Adam Sandler endings that I prefer anything but. *
-Laura V
What’s in a purse?
A trusty mate, a ‘carry-all’ of what you need, and if lost, a devastating state of affairs; yes you and your purse are great companions! Women world wide search high and low for the perfect purse; one big enough to fit your PDA and wallet, but small enough to look sleek with your outfit. A purse can make or break an outfit, and ruin a night if it’s not the right type. Some women chose to carry one for all occasions, and others diligently change up their purse daily. Whatever your pleasure, finding the right purse for you is a necessity.
Typically in the winter, we carry bigger, bulkier bags to hold all of the extras that come with cold weather. The “to-go” mugs for your lattes, the mitts and scarf for the walk home and sometimes even your cute pumps that you wouldn’t dare to walk to work in and risk getting wet! When the snow melts and the birds are a chirping, it’s time to go shopping for a smaller, cuter purse! Purse fashions change seasonally, but I yield from the old school train of thought, regardless of what’s in fashion it has to fit my lifestyle. As much as I love the cute little clutch purse, they drive me nuts. I am forever paranoid of losing it or leaving it behind. I love mid sized bags, because I always seem to carry a ton of “just in case” stuff like band aids, eyes drops, gum etc. I need a heavy duty purse that looks cute and is functional, but maybe you don’t. Here are a couple different types of purses that you might consider when you decide it’s time to make the switch this Spring.
The Change Purse
These tiny little bags are cute as hell. They are only big enough to hold a few credit cards, some cash, and if you are lucky a lipstick! They look like old fashion change purses with the dual bobbles that snap shut. I have seen them all over the place lately, usually made of leather, or patent, in a rainbow of colours.
Try: Miss Selfridge or Chanel
The Motorcycle Satchel
Mostly leather this spring, these bags are a mix between country and uptown. Some are very chic while others are chunky. They often have a smaller arm hole so they fit snugly under your arm, or dangle at thigh length if held. A lot of accents, either with buckles, snaps or charms. Some even have cute little tassels hanging off!
Try: Chole Handbags or Balenciaga
The Fancy Clutch
Sexy, elegant and compact, they make a fantastic accessory to most spring outfits. They don’t hold a lot but they sure look great! Some snap shut, while others are magnetic; look for neutral tones with embellishments or shimmery tones to grab attention.
Try: Target or Rodo Clutch
The Over sized Tote
Ok, you’ve tried the little bags but they just won’t do. Big bags are still in style for the spring. Look for beach tote type bags with summery prints and light colours like tans whites, and pinks.
Try: Target or Coach Handbags
The Boyfriend
Who wants to have to carry anything when you are heading out to the clubs? These are one of the hardest purses to find, but the most valuable. They often range in height from 5’8-6”3, are very masculine and will bitch about holding your lipstick or tampons. Beware ladies, if you find one, don’t let it go, you may never find another boyfriend purse again!
Try: Justin Timberlake or Brad Pitt
Whatever you chose just make sure it coordinates with your outfit. Your purse should compliment your outfit, not complicate it. Good luck, and happy shopping!*
Lisa Powell
Queen of Fashion: What Marie Antoinette Wore to the Revolution
By Caroline Weber
Caroline Weber explores the question "did the clothes make, or in this case, unmake the woman?" Queen of Fashion follows the life of the doomed, but so darn interesting, French Queen Marie Antoinette, putting a spin on the
usual biography by charting her rise and fall in popularity by looking at the clothes she wore. Did Marie Antoinette cause the fall of the French monarchy simply by eschewing corsets? Did the stories of her promiscuities and lesbianism stem from her love of menswear inspired riding outfits? In this book Caroline makes a compelling argument that the answer to those questions is a resounding yes.
I thought this was an interesting look at the life of the infamous Queen, and a much more entertaining read then many of the other historical books I've been reading lately. Rather then simply reciting facts, lists of places and dates, Weber really makes you understand how life was at the most opulent, and most maddeningly formal, court in history. Amazingly enough she manages to do so without being overly sympathetic to Marie Antoinette, which is a fault I've found with several books about the Queen. Queen of Fashion gives a much more well rounded look at Marie Antoinette's life, and a far more titillating one, than the more famous book by Antonia Fraser Marie Antoinette: The Journey, which I also read
recently.
I never quite ended up believing 100% in Weber's theory that Marie used fashion not just as self expression, but also as her bid for political power in a country that didn't put much stock in women rulers, but I loved the book just the same. If you've seen the recent Sofia Coppola film about the Queen, and want to know a little more about her life and times I'd recommend this book as you're first place to go.*
Renee Mallett
11 Reasons You Should Leave your Boyfriend/ Girlfriend NOW:
1) You have to call to "check in" .... Every hour. It's okay to want to know if your honey is safe, but constant "where are you?" phone calls = stalker.
2) He/ She can have boys/ girls night, but you can't. I am a firm believer that if you "aren't allowed" to go out, but your bf can, it's because THEY are the ones doing the very bad things that they don't want you to do, to.
3) Anytime you go out as a couple, you fight. No one likes these couples, and I don't even know if they like each other. If you fight about what kind of DESSERT to order, it's not working out.
4) Hittingis not okay. It wasn't in kindergarten, and it certainly isn't now that we are even bigger. If they hit you once, they will hit you again, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY. And report their sorry ass, cuz maybe you can stop them from hitting their next partner, too.
5) You have to pay. For everything. All the time. This isn't a life or death matter, but let's be honest: they are cheap, they have always been cheap, and they will always be cheap. And if they say they "just don't have the money right now," how long are you willing to wait to get treated to a movie?
6) You are told on a daily basis you are fat/ ugly/ stupid/ a liar/ are worthless, you have no friends/ etc. etc. etc. See number 4 - verbal abuse is not EVER okay, either (ever).
7) Drinking/ drugs/ partying in general comes before you. Who wants to be second best all the time, especially to addicting behaviours? Please. Who wants to deal with a drunk/ stoned/ loud-mouth all the time?
8) You are constantly being compared to their mom/ dad or last boyfriend/ girlfriend. Don't be bullied into being someone you aren't. If they don't like the real you, maybe they should just go back to their ex or crawl back home to mommy.
9) They don't live here, or you have only communicated through the internet. I don't care what anyone says - you can't have an extended, satisfying relationship without spending actual physical time together. The temptations are too much (for both people), and if you are always on the phone/ computer, your flesh and blood friends will start to wonder where you are!
10) They have cheated in the past two years. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I've never understood those that go out with the person whose relationship they helped end. "Ya, he cheated on his girlfriend with me, but they weren't meant to be. We are soul mates!" Riiiiiight. Karma is a bitch, baby.
11) Your best buddies hate 'em. Sure, they may not LOOOOOVE your new bf, and that is okay. But if they flat-out tell you to your face that your significant other is a L-O-S-E-R, trust them. It probably took a lot of courage for them to confront you, and they likely see things you don't. Love is blind, so you have to trust your life-long friends over some hottie you met in a bar.*
Carolyn Sapach
Roses are Red. So is the blood of our people
Why Valentines Day? Was it not just Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, Easter, Halloween?
Imagine if all the resources, time and money that went into making, for example, White Oreo Cookies, if that same energy was transferred into contemplation on how we could stop the world war currently plaguing mother earth. Or how we could stop global warming and it’s disastrous and fateful effects, or simply plan for cutting down the use of cars and over consumption of oil and gas. Did you know there was actually a car that ran on steam, not blood oil but water? Imagine what Earth could be today if that were the case.
Oil is costing hundreds of thousands of women, children, and families their innocent lives. All so a few elite, or illuminate as they like to call themselves, may buy more, possess more, acquire more useless bits and bites. A government that’s run on shams, and lies, a joke or a soap opera that has brainwashed sheep, too easily led by the shepherd.
The American people, like the elephant chained to a peg in the ground, if only he realized he could be free whenever he chose to be.
Gold the color of life, of all things new and innocent, made un-pure by the greed of man, raping and pillaging the earth for all that they can reap, never thinking that they must also sow.
My heart washes out to the world with wanting of healing.
If I could project any color to the world this very moment, I would send the color royal blue. Like a soft velvet blanket it would cover our mother whom we have used, abused and rejected for too long. I would cover her and give mother my love because although the mother loves unconditionally, she cannot live forever. *
Charity West
So, you think you can do better…?
It’s here. The February blues. And with it, your New Year’s Resolutions are our the window. Or are they? Maybe you haven’t lost 10 lbs, or bought new furniture, or even ditched that girl who drives you crazy but is good enough in bed to keep you calling – but I will bet last year’s platform sandals that you haven’t forgotten your quest to get a new job.
Bigger and Better is the goal. You want to do away with the monotony of the daily grind in favour of a job with more prestige, more money and more vacation time! You know you’re worth it!
Don’t you?
In case you’re still on the fence about it, I’m here to help. There are some indisputable signs that it is time to move up and out of a deadbeat job, and I’ve listed them below:
1. You hit snooze - every day, and for more than an hour. In fact, you keep hitting snooze while you’re sitting in rush hour, because you hope that being awake is just a dream. You walk into work, hang your coat at your desk and proceed to immediately fall asleep in the washroom. Worse yet, no one notices. This goes on for longer than a week.
2. You have stopped shopping for work clothes because no one notices you anyway. As a matter of fact, you shaved your head last summer and no one has mentioned that either. You realize that you haven’t made a significant, noticeable contribution to the company since the time you helped your boss learn PowerPoint, over 5 years ago.
3. You walk into the lunchroom and everyone stops talking. This happens most days, and when it doesn’t happen, you still feel that everyone is against you.
4. You have slept with your boss and still weren’t promoted5. You slept with your boss. Period.
6. You slept with one of the guys in the warehouse, or more than one of the guys in the warehouse, and now there are very, very bad (yet accurate) things written about you in the men’s washroom
7. You work on commission, but still need food stamps to survive because you’ve never sold anything.
8. You haven’t had a raise, ever, and work more than 10 hours each day.
9. You can’t tell any of your family or friends where you work for fear of forever losing all credibility, respect and love.
And Finally… the last big sign that it’s time to get a better job?
10. Your “job” is watching People’s Court, Oprah and the Showcase channel. And your paycheck is from the welfare office.*
Jody Winder
A Few New Ways to Spend Valentines Day!
Whether you are single or attached, Valentines Day can sometimes get a bit repetitive. If the same old dinner and a movie, or a sappy chick flick and a box of tissue don’t seem as enticing as last year, here are a few new ideas that are sure to make St. Valentine himself jealous!
If you are single on Valentines day, there is typically one of two reactions you may have, the first being that you don’t give a damn because it’s just another day, and the second being that you are sad because you are alone, which means you will likely die an old maid. Whichever mindset you choose to have, you don’t have to be bored or avoid leaving you house because you don’t want to see all the lovey dovey stuff happening around you. Here are a few ideas :
1. Make ChocolateThey say that chocolate can induce the same feeling you get when you are in love, so why not fake it? Take it one extra step, and make chocolate boobies and penises (hell, if you can’t eat the real thing, may as well have second best). Go to your local sex shop and get some sexy moulds. Here’s the trick, buy your favourite chocolate (my personal fave is
Toblerone) then get a double boiler (a small pot with boiling water in it, then place another pot inside it with no water in it) and place your chocolate in the double boiler. Stir it constantly until it’s melted, then pour it into the moulds. Refrigerate for an hour then indulge in your sexy treats for the rest of the night.
2. Go OnlineIf you really want a date, go fishing…on Plenty of Fish that is! This dating site has been responsible for the hook ups, casual encounters, and long term relationships of at least 10 of my friends. Never dated online? Then you are lame so make a profile and make some friends. A word of warning though; know that most guys are looking to get laid, and may
pretend to want to date you to get in your pants (not everyone is like that but use your spidey senses and be cautious). If you are really into something new, why not change it up? Check out those looking to intermingle with the same sex, you never know, you might learn something about yourself and I think St. Valentine would be proud!
3. Have a Pity PartyNo matter how much you don’t care about V-day, other people think that you do. You know, when you tell your attached friends your plans for the night, that look of pity quickly flashes in their eyes? Well, then have a pity party; invite all the single people you know over (if you don’t know any, please revert back to the online paragraph above and make friends), and do it old school. Play spin the bottle, seven seconds in heaven and truth or dare. I bet all of your attached friends will be dying for details.
4. Give BloodOk, it doesn’t sound sexy, but have you ever done it? You get this weird high from it. Maybe it’ s the good deed feeling, or the light head you get from losing a pint of blood, but hey, it feels good. Then go home, make a big cocktail and watch the room spin baby, the colours will amaze you!
5. Make a Kinky MovieIt doesn’t matter if you don’t have anyone to show it to, it’s just a very sexy thing for you to experience. Never seen yourself on the verge of passion? Film it. You will be very intrigued as to what you look like during the big “O”. You never know when this little bad boy will come in handy, perhaps one day you will stumble across it with a new boyfriend, or a parent for that matter, but it will be hilarious no matter what (and you will feel like a dirty little sex goddess for doing it). I suggest playing with the mood lighting and putting something sexy on, that way you’ll really get into character!
So you are attached eh? Got a significant other, and have no idea what to do? Something my boyfriend and I always agree on is to “do” rather than “give” (okay, we do “give” each other a little something-something, but I meant do an activity). Nothing says loving like quality time together.
1. Have a Take-Out PicnicGo to your favourite restaurant and get the food to go. Take it home, strip down, and have your feast. I suggest sushi. Put the various pieces all over one of you, and slowly eat it off each other. Trust me, naked eating can be very sensual, this will bring you two closer together as a couple.
2. Take a stroll/rompThis is one of my personal faves. Plan ahead, bring a blanket, and go do “it” in the great outdoors. It’s very invigorating, and the thrill of getting caught makes the act even more naughty. I suggest the lady of the couple wears a skirt, and the guy wears something baggy. Slip it out, and put it in; hiding it easy if you get caught!
3. Paint a Canvas TogetherThis is actually a very romantic thing to do. It’s not really a spontaneous thing, planning ahead makes it way better. I suggest painting a canvas of your life together. Include the things you want to have together, like children, a house, a boat etc. If you aren’t that far into a relationship, then just paint a nice sunset. When it’s dry, hang it in your house as a constant reminder of your love.If you aren’t much into painting, try taking a pottery class, very Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in the movie ‘Ghost’. It’s equally as sensual, and you have something to show for your effort.
4. Make a Kinky VideoIf you haven’t done this, I highly recommend it. Not only will you get to see what all those dirty positions look like but if you set it up so the camera is looking down on you, this will highlight the most flattering angles. And always, and I mean always make sure to only make one copy. It might seem like a good idea to make a couple copies, but if you guys break up, there is no telling where that video could end up!!
5. Dinner and a MovieI know, I know, I bashed it earlier but it really is a good option. This time though, make the dinner and rent the movie. And don’t go getting a blockbuster. Get something different - try a foreign flick, they can be quite racy you know! Make something sexy like linguine (I just like saying it) and wear something slutty, and let the night evolve from there.
It doesn’t matter if you are single or you are attached, Valentines day can be enjoyed by all. What’s important is that you pick something fun to do, and not sit at home sulking because you wish you were with someone or doing something else. With a little planning, every Valentines day from here out could be your best!*
Lisa Powell
Art by Jason Willmann (c) 2007
Things I Have Learned While Watching 24 this season:
1. LA really has no traffic whatsoever. . . I don’t know what people are always complaining about. I mean, it seems that you can get from one end of the city to the other in mere minutes.
2. All a man needs is a shave, haircut, some new clothes and the backing of an elite anti- terrorist unit and he can overcome two years of crippling and disfiguring torture like flipping a switch.
3. There’s much less panic than I would have expected had a suitcase nuke really gone off in LA. It seemed that a few people were pretty scared for a few minutes and then it was business as usual.
4. Family is a pain in the ass.
5. If you need to get rid of a cast member quick and easy just pull a complicated history with brutal ramifications out of your ass and watch him completely unravel in the span of an episode.
6. Love triangles are always more amusing when played out in the middle of a busy government anti-terrorism office during weeks and weeks of building terrorist activities. Who doesn’t have time to fuck around then?
7. Either presidents are inherently evil and their underlings are good-natured patriots or vice versa. Never can both parts of the equation work together in harmony. After all, discordance makes for good drama.
8.Bill and Chloe are each a few seasons in now. . . things don’t look good for them. Just ask Tony and Michelle. . . or Edgar, David, Chappelle, Mason, Nina. And yet with all this constant changing of the guards they still haven’t managed to kill of Kim Bauer. I know she’s hardly in the show anymore (if at all) but just her presence in the world is an annoyance. Killing her ritually in season 6 would do a lot to make up for season 2.
9. If you take a plastic bag and wrap it incredibly tight around Paul McCrane’s head it looks as if he’s a giant penis trapped in an industrial strength condom.
10. Jack Bauer could totally beat Jesus.
Season six of Fox’s 24 started with a literal bang as an explosion ripped through a city bus. We quickly learn that the US has been under constant attack for weeks now and hundreds have been killed off in the events. Without going into too many details the season quickly brought Jack Bauer (Keifer Sutherland) back to America after two years of brutal Chinese torture (wanna know why? Watch season four) and sent him off on a multitude of events to find and deal with the perpetrators of these attacks. From siding with the enemy to facing down his own family as threats to the nation, Jack never lets up and that is definitely why 24 is such a damn fun guilty pleasure. Sure it’s completely and utterly implausible in every sense of the word, but it excels every time at taking the viewer on one hell of a roller coaster ride, and not once have I ever been left dissatisfied by where the show ended up. There are always some bumps along the way, but the sheer number of twists, turns, and revelations packed into every week of the show make it too much fun to miss. *
Andrew Wilmot
WHAT: Bam’s Unholy Union
WHERE: MTV
WHEN: Tues, 9:30
Why is any idiot with a shred of celebrity allowed or rather expected to have their own crappy reality show? Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, Flavor Flav, Ozzy Osbourne, Paris Hilton, Tommy Lee, Gene Simmons, Ice Cube, Carmen Electra! The Real World, my friends. Pretty much the first reality show targeted to the MTV audience in the early 90’s and should have been the last! I was flipping through the channels the other night and came across “Bam’s Unholy Union”. This professional skateboarder who upped his fame with the Jackass movies, has decided to marry his childhood sweetheart (and second fiancé) and document the months leading up to the wedding for all of us brainless morons to enjoy. And here I thought that deodorant commercial was as bad as it was going to get. Although he is 26 years old, Bam clearly proves he is far from ready to be bound to one groupie forever – asking why they can’t just invite their friends to the wedding when they pass on the street, asking his mom when the fuck she’ll shut up with all her questions and not being able tounderstand why Cradle of Filth can’t play at the precession. Which would all be fine - if she wanted these things too but they spent more time arguing than they did anything else.
It was being in the market and hearing a kid squeal for 15 mins without his mother doing anything. If you can’t make a commitment with your fiancé to go look at wedding venues how could you think you can make a commitment to marry her?Not only are these two pieces of white trash constantly fighting and calling each other asshole, shithead, you name it ; they act like they met yesterday and honestly show no reason to be getting married other than the fact that they could make some dough from having it filmed.The best was the last scene when Bam asked her if they could screw and she said not until marriage ... right.Not only are these two displaying their own grade of low class to the world, they are having their families, who seem genuinely concerned, involved. Case in point, fiancé Missy’s grandfather who cried when asked to walk her down the aisle.These two thrive on the fact that they’ve been together since they were kids – so what about the last 6 years when he was engaged to someone else? I give it a year – two at most.*
Laura V
OVEN BAKED COOKIE
STACEY DASH
Aside from co-starring in 1995 teen movie Clueless, her career has left much to be desired but something about dark skin and bright eyes is too much to ignore! There is nothing huge in the works for Stacey coming up but she’s a doll regardless. She just turned 41 last month too -
wowee!