ISS 21 (2007) APR 18 - MAY 13
WHO : Innertwyne w/ Black Betty
WHERE: The Buffalo Club
WHEN : April 6, 2007
The house music that played while Innertwyne set up their equipment should have included “Timebomb” by Rancid. The Southern Californian ska punk legends’ song contains the perfect chorus, minus the Cadillac, for the dapper and sharp dressed members of Innertwyne.
Decked out in, (c’mon, sing along now while doing your best skank), “Black coat, white shoes, black hat…”, Alejandro, Serge, and Steve revealed a live setup that included a monstrous drum kit (two kick drums, five cymbals and two china crashes) and a five string electric bass. It all looked impressive perched on the high Buffalo Club stage, and foreshadowed one of two things:
Sonic annihilation or a bunch of posers with no chops and egos to nurse.
Fortunately for Innertwyne, the small but enthusiastic crowd was convinced of the former, cheering loudly following the conclusion of each of the nine songs in the set. The presence of Spanish-speaking audience members was reflected in two songs as well, with lyrics written and sung in Spanish. Frontman Alejandro spoke briefly of his Columbian heritage and the influence it has had on his lyrics and the band’s music, and the resulting sound is quite something to hear.
Innertwyne sounds like a Latin salsa band, an American hair band, and a Canadian grindcore band being forced to play together. While there is no evident tension on stage between band members, these three influences do bloody battle in the music. On a continuum that includes David Lee Roth howls, power chords reminiscent of Dave Mustaine’s days in Metallica, guitar solos hinting at Santana, grinding vocals á la Deftones, mid to high tempo changes and breaks, instrumentals, and standard verse-chorus-verse structure, there was no shortage of direction changes, sudden deviations, or unexpected interruptions to straight ahead head banging. Songs typically included as much soft guitar and singing as big power chords and thrashing. During “Black and White” the audience was asked to “think punk” and witnessed a song full of all the grindcore growls and metal chording concluding with a mighty wail from Alejandro lasting a full eight seconds. This was followed by a quieter song, Alejandro again introducing, saying he “wanted to see the ladies dancing”. It wasn’t confusing, just unexpected. On stage, Alejandro did most of the performing, while Steve and Serge on bass and drums respectively, filled in the rhythms with less enthusiasm showing on their faces. It is certain that Innertwyne would only stand to benefit from an increased presence of the bass and drums in the band’s sound.
The last song of the set was the set’s strongest. The intensity of the playing increased and Alejandro’s vocals smoldered and burned on top of his guitar work culminating in the crowd asking for an encore. None came though; the man behind the boards with all the numbers wouldn’t have it.*
Matt O.
WHO: The Grange
WHERE :The Railway Club
WHEN: March 31, 2007
A jug band without the jugs; or the homemade instruments; or from anywhere near the Deep South. No, The Grange have nice shiny instruments and relatively straight teeth, look well fed, and own more than just one pair of pants a piece. They played at the Railway Club in downtown Vancouver, not in a barn located on some stretch of dusty road far from the trappings of modern civilization and they were playing their part in a three band stand on a Saturday night, not your cousin’s wedding or a harvest season hoedown.
It was amazing, though, how close all these things were. The Grange’s music and presence pumped volumes of appropriate sensations into the room. A collective thought bubble over the audience during their set was aglow with
whiskey dreams and soupy visions of rail yards and wheat fields. Bar patrons could be seen shuffling their feet at different times during the ten song set as if to clear the last of the hay off some wooden floor somewhere. The spell weaved by the four band members, Beard, Greg, Scott and Jonah, breathed the sound of steam trains and clinking glasses, and memories of times long gone, trips alone, and the majesty of a big river.
Two Fender six-strings, one Fender mandolin, (a ukulele-sized electric with 8 strings and a much higher sound), a standup bass, and a beautiful pearl-white drum kit was the instrument setup with Beard, Greg, and Scott all lending themselves to vocal duties at different times throughout. Beard sang most of the songs and swapped guitar for mandolin periodically. The mandolin always accompanied a faster than fast tempo, “arm killers” said Scott at one point. Bass and drums plodded along at a relatively even pace everywhere adding much to connect thoughts of moving trains to the music. The greatest variance in the sound was experienced when singers swapped off. Greg matched his bass with clean baritone vocals. Scot churned through his vocals giving the words a dangerous edge. Beard, on the other hand, could make gypsies wail with his high and tight musings that brought the southern yokel stereotype to life in the best possible way. Without being out of key or detached from the music, Beard carved a line out in each song that was all his landing, for comparison’s sake, somewhere near and around June Carter.
With a stage presence that sold the songs, people in the audience clearly enjoyed The Grange. By the third song, the band had settled in and a vibe between artist and audience was established. Any lingering doubt that The Grange were not in the right venue had been put to rest when Greg set up: Removal of his shirt revealed a tattoo of an anchor on the inside of his forearm and has a bass stand made out of cut up hockey sticks. It was all a go from there.
Let the band play until our livers hurt or a cousin calls with the wedding invitation.*
Matt O.
WHO :Whitey
WHERE: Pub 340
WHEN : March 31st, 2007
“We’re Whitey from Chilliwack and we’re here to fuck you in your ear pussies,” said singer/guitarist, Joe, adolescent look of self-satisfaction on his face, as if waiting for some kind of response from a half-full Pub 340 room. Had things not been tempered with this vulgarity, Whitey would have left nothing but solid music vibes with their short six song Saturday night set.
Ska is not a fair word to use to describe Whitey’s stylings live, although a reference to ‘ska’ is made by others on their website. Whitey is far too loose and improvisational with their song structure to fit stereotypical ska expectations. While the trombone of Perry and the trumpet of Cole factor heavily into the bands music, Whitey’s inclination live pushes towards jazz. There is little other way to explain the sound of their second song with Perry switching from guitar to trombone half way through and the whole thing taking on a distinctly Zappa-like feel. The third song also witnessed Whitey shaking any preconceptions of cookie-cutter rock with a song that ranged from accessible and gentle riffing on the guitar to full-on jam at the end; a song that was as uncharacteristically long as it was wide.
Other notable elements included Paul on drums, a precision player who held the wilder elements of the sound in time, and singer/guitarist Joe whose vocals made everyone sit up and take notice. Landing somewhere between a blues singer and cocaine aggression, the words emerging from his pipes where coated in desperation and urgency and stood out from the rest of the instruments on stage. Bassist, Colin, and Cole got into the act in the third and fifth songs respectively scoring bravery points with vocals closer to moody indie rock than anything.
Whitey are a musically encouraging act, due primarily to their apparent lack of concern for playing to preferences or playing to expectations. Instead, they are working on connecting to each others diverse departure points and becoming more competent musicians. Live, the band comes off confident in what they have created, and with the exception of obtuse introductions sweating of male bravado and suspect rock-as-cock metaphors, are moving in a very exciting direction.*
Matt O.
WHO: Treacherous Machete
WHERE: Railway Club
WHEN: April 4, 2007
I'm sitting at the Railway Club under the French horn and the neon martini light. “I'm so drunk,” a drunk guy, smiling like a kid with Down's syndrome either about to burst out laughing or into tears, confesses to a mop-haired wide-hipped girl. He's wearing a leather jacket over a hoodie over a shirt, and he hasn't shaved in a few days. They hug, then he goes to the bar and orders a jug of beer. He lifts a handful of change from his pocket, dropping a single loonie on the ground, and counts it out, half- empty mickey poking out of tattered back jeans pocket.
Inevitably, this guy ends up on stage. He's Chris Burnside, the Treacherous part of Treacherous Machete. His and drummer Nicholas Obretenov's warm-up jam, all twang and cymbal crashes, ends abruptly as Burnside accidentally unplugs his guitar with his slider. “I didn't like that song anyway,” he laughs.
“I feel like I'm in an early 90's sitcom staring down at Delta Burke here. That was a joke for me. Fuck all y'all.” One gets the feeling that a lot of what Burnside does is for himself, and that isn't a bad thing. Treacherous Machete doesn't look like a band so much as a guitarist and a drummer synchronistically destroying their instruments. Burnside launches into each song recklessly; Obretenov watches the chord progression and picks up the rhythm, then stampedes like a pack of blind horses through the desolate, dusty, lofi audioscape.
Still, like the part under Jesse Hughes' nose where each side of his mustache joins to create an amazing handlebar, like the strange relationship that connects Meg and Jack White, the coming together of Burnside and Obretenov is nothing less than pure, unalloyed beauty. Treacherous Machete is Led Zeppelin at its bluesiest, hanging out at Rancho De La Luna, drinking nothing but rye. Oh, and they only brought their drums and guitar. So most of the guys are blind drunk, just yelling stuff out.
By now the front room of the Railway Club is as packed as it can get. Visible manifestations of Burnside's drunkeness dissolve, along with Obretenov's shirt. (The latter looks like Eric Bana, but there's no Incredible Hulk greening or raging.) Burnside calls up Malcolm from Hung Jury to play harmonica on the song named after his band.
“Have a sip, give him a sip, let's go,” Burnside said, directing a fresh mickey around the stage. Malcolm blows with none of the sensitivity or airiness a lot of singer/songwriters use to demean what Service calls “the Steinway of strange mischief and mischance.” Together, they summon a slow, stomping blues, reminiscent of Muddy Waters' “Mannish Boy” with a couple of boyish men trying to harmonize over the muddle of guitar, drum and harmonica, singing “look in my eyes / and you'll see that it's true / I am only in love with you.” Miraculously, they achieve a rare blend of aural whisky where each of the three musical strains sour-mashes into an impeccable, unique brand that accentuates each individual aroma.
Ending the last song of their much too short set, Burnside yells out, “If you find this city boring its only your own goddamn fault.” The man speaks the truth. Get out and see a Treacherous Machete show. And don't mind the drunk guy.*
Liam Ford
WHO : The Smokes
WITH : The Hotel Lobbyists
WHERE : The Gallery Pub
WHEN :March 30th, 2007
The headlines said, “We laugh at the charges against us.” Dust clouds rolled and eddied down the main street and five men walked in lock step. The saloon doors swung open… to reveal weirdoes dressed in cardboard box costumes.
What a let down, but easily explained: Welcome to UBC, where at any hour of the day between September and April, groups of drunk young people can be found filling the ‘remember-when-I-was-crazy’ area of their brains with fodder for the long years to come. This was the environment that had welcomed The Smokes to The Gallery Pub in the SUB on Friday night. Looking very much at home in the watering hole aspects of the place, sound check was self diagnostic, stage lighting was worked out live from stage, and the headline was announced by Smokes vocalist, Ryan. An acoustic six-string riff rode in on what was to be the first song supported by the timed clap of the audience, while soulful pickings emerged from a six-string electric at the other end of the stage. The rhythm section of Graham on bass and Jimi on drums came in several bars later, dumping the gravity of the song on the room. People responded thumping their hands on the tables in time and nodding their swimming heads.
The best thing about the addition of Jimi and Graham to the The Smokes nearly two years ago showed up consistently throughout the seven songs of the bands set: The two of them beautifully combine the background role of a rhythm section as heard in old school country music (Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings) and foreground role of a rhythm section as heard in some rock bands music (Fugazi, RHCP). The result for The Smokes is a sound that drives the songs like a steam train but pops and explodes during the breakdowns.
Acoustic guitarist, Kalvin, and electric guitarist, Evret, formed the glue that cemented the drumming to the vocals of Ryan. Using a combination of acoustic chording and single string picking, the guitars pulled on their collective influences. In addition, harmonies and backing vocals packed the nest for Ryan’s words. An illustration of how comfortable the The Smokes are as musicians and as a band came during the last song, “Microphone,” when Ryan directed Evret to drop an octave between verses; it was subtle and maybe not all that important but it illustrated a care for the moment. “Microphone” culminated with a tambourine joining in courtesy of some guy named Fidel. Vocals dropped backwards into drumming going double time, the song building and destroying itself at the same time, and ending abruptly.
All this did not seem to be lost on the 30 or so bodies that came and went during their set. The music came across as a nice qualifier for where everyone was at that exact moment. Drink weren’t drunk, they were felt. The Smokes provided the soundtrack for such feelings and they could afford to laugh at the charges; no one was sentenced.*
Matt O.
WHO: The Milers
WHERE: The Media Club
WHEN: April 5, 2007
I walked in to the Media Club and said hi to the brunette at the door. The other girl, a blonde, looked at her and
said, “That's Liam.”
“Good memory,” I said.
“See, sometimes I'm on,” she said to the brunette.
“I'm impressed,” the brunette replied.
“It's funny because the band couldn't remember your name. He could only remember 'Scottish Car.'”
Girls and boys packed the room and leaned along the walls or sat with arms around up-pulled knees on the floor in front of the stage. Lead singer/songwriter/guitarist Dave MacLeod and bassist J.R. Olson high-fived and then joined voices as only burly men from B.C.'s interior can. Guitarist Mitchie B. (Mitch Bennett) slid-strummed out a Silver Bullet Band solo.
After the first song, drummer Bart Muhic, toothpick jutting menacingly from a young, unacned Charles Bukowski face, got on stage, sat down behind the kit, removed his shoes, and brought them together over his head as if to say, “the sock-hop can now begin.” Olson busted out an abbreviated Rompin' Ronnie camel walk as the boys and girls hopped up and clapped, stomped and hollered along. If they'd scattered a bale of hay over the hardwood floors, offered moonshine at the bar and enforced a western-wear-mandatory dress code, it would have looked exactly like an old time barn dance.
Looked like it, but not sounded like it. “Play Jeremy!” some girl yelled from the back of the bar. “Pearl Jam, comin' up next,” MacLeod laughed, flashing his winsome small town smile, like a Manning who got kicked out of the family because he'd rather play music than football.
But instead of pearl, The Milers whipped up a tastier variety of jam. Most of their songs fit in the “new country pop-rock” category. “Out of This Town” starts off like Green Day's “When I Come Around.” “Breathtaking View” a sincere, reaching song, sounds like Lonestar covering Treble Charger's “Red.” A fortuitous buzz from the sound system, possibly caused by Muhic's furious footwork, gave all the songs a grunge-era Neil Young flavour. Singing “we'll have a few / then I'll bust a bottle over my head / and bleed all over you,” the Milers also showed a hard-hitting, heavy-drinking, punk rock side. “Bobby Anyways,” the second-last song, could have been by a Flogging Molly inspired by B.C.'s Cariboo instead of Ireland.
They name Neil, Willie (Nelson), the Band and the Supersuckers as influences, and like all of the above, the Milers just do their own thing and end up with their own sound. Hell, if they can get people dancing at the Media Club, they must be doing something right.
After the last song, about a '57 Ford, this '81 Ford (more Irish than Scottish) left, the lyrics to “Bobby Anyways” ringing in his head: “one more drink / one more night / one more yesterday,” but this one a little more memorable than others.*
Liam Ford
WHO : The Painted Birds
WITH: Ben Sigston, Parlour Steps, and Laura Harley
WHERE: The Media Club
WHEN :April 13th 2007
The Media Club was thick with girls in front of the stage, all of them shouting at lead singer, Dominique, telling him how cute he was. Some of them had face paint on. Others may have been prompted to wonder if these were The Painted Birds. Perhaps the band and women travel together over running clubs as a ‘flock’ convincing onlookers of the band’s value through sheer force of group personality. After all, some dude was dolling up willing participants outside the washrooms at the back of the club. It took the three band members and stolen drummer, the onstage Painted Birds, to set things straight.
Citing Radiohead, Wintersleep, Mogawi, The Mars Volta, and The Beatles on their MySpace site as
influences, The Painted Birds played an eight song set containing many of the tracks currently in the mix for their forthcoming album. The band wasted little time, launching into their set with no intro.
It’s hard not to notice the tall singer centre stage. Dominique took on elements of Adam from the Counting Crows and had moments when he verged on Maynard from A Perfect Circle. Good amounts of midrange crooning went down in most of the songs. Lead guitarist Josh played enthusiastically, perhaps with a vision for more rocking out in the music than was actually being done. With the exception of the last song, things were kept decidedly mid-tempo. The other Dominique, the stolen Dominique, played drum beats that gave a steadiness to the wandering guitar work, at times feeling a little like Coldplay’s percussion section. The standout element in this band’s live show, however, was definitely the bass playing.
Shawn played bass on seven of the songs making use of a fretless electric four string the whole time. The presence of this instrument was front and centre and cut its own path consistently. Shawn’s chord patterns and use of ALL FOUR STRINGS (make note rockers, not just E and A, but E, A, D, & G) filled out the instruments place in the overall sound to fantastic effect. The quick finger work was great to watch without it being an exercise in ego, or rather, without playing in excess of what the song demanded. It was Shawn’s bass playing that provided the strong undertow for the pulling guitars, a combination that created a crashing storm-like sound. Quite intentionally, Dominique’s singing was then the tranquil centre of it all holding the listeners attention in suspension between the vocals and music.
All this was highlighted with splashes of creativity: Dominique’s guitar pedal effects during the fifth song; the introduction of an egg-sized shaker during the same number. The swath of girls ate it up with supportive cheering and dancing throughout, some of the front row singing along to a bunch of it. When the set ended, only questions about the role of the painted birds in The Painted Birds remained.*
Matt O.
What you NEED to make this Spring great!
Spoil yourself with the ten must have items of the season.
Pack away your heavy winter fragrance and lighten up with a soft smelling scent this season. Check out your local retailer or give Stella McCartney’s Sheer Stella a try. With top notes of iced lemon zest, Bulgarian rose, and tart green apple, and with base notes of rose absolute, peony, and amber, this amazing scent will leave you dancing amongst the
flowers.
Give yourself a fresh outlook on the season with a new haircut. Go for some bluntly chopped bangs, or for a more romantic look, try them side swept and gradually layered. Bangs have been showing up on models all over the spring runways, so it's time climb aboard the trend wagon and start the season off right.
Enjoy the spring sun with a great bag tossed over your shoulder. Try a large brightly colored tote to help light up your day, or a pale colored satchel for a more sophisticated look. Joe Fresh Style has large bright green and blue totes for as little as $19. Check out www.joe.ca for retail locations.
The sun may start to shine in April and May, but the heat will still take a while to arrive, so until then help block out the chilly breeze with a cute little cardigan. Available in almost every color under the sun, they look great paired with a simple t-shirt and jeans, or throw it on over a sun dress to help get you in the mood for summer. The Gap has a great cardigan in lemon chiffon (yellow), a perfect and must have color for spring.
Nothing symbolizes spring quite like biking through the city center with a bouquet of tulips in your front basket. So cut down on all your latte’s and put your money towards a European inspired city bike. Not to be used for serious mountain biking but instead for a relaxed ride around the city. Check out thrift stores for great deals or for a pricier option look at your local bike store.
Get out and enjoy the sun this spring, and do so wearing a new pair of Vans Gisele slip-on sneakers. These shoes hold all the comfort and style of the typical slip-on shoe but now with the added touch of a strapping across the front of the toe. It combines a ballet flat with a sneaker and the end result is nothing but style.
Another must have for the spring season are accessories. Jewelry, scarves, and hats, whatever your choice they are all perfect for this season. Use a scarf in place of a headband, or loosely tied around your neck over a t-shirt. For jewelry keep it simple yet colorful. You don’t want to look weighted down with pieces from the winter season. Look for jewelry that is delicate yet still expressive. Le Chateau carries a wide selection of jewelry and scarves or check out your local second hand stores
A definite need for the season is music to liven your step. Hopefully you’ve heard of Mika, with his music providing the perfect excuse to step outside, turn on your ipod and enjoy the weather. If you prefer some more thought provoking tunes, check out the new album by Bright Eyes. It’ s guaranteed to inspire you in one way or another.
Start enjoying the weather wearing a pair of spring shorts. Nothing will help get you ready for summer faster than a cute pair of shorts. Old Navy has a wide variety right now ranging in everything from denim to khaki to linen. They’ll look great for all occasions, for something for casual pair it with a sweater and sneakers, or for a night out pair them with a nice dress shirt and great accessories.
To sum up your must haves of the spring season make sure to look into a new lipstick. Try to avoid the deep reds and wine colors and instead opt for pale pink hues. Something so simple can completely change your spring time appearance. Keep it looking natural, and if lipstick is not your thing then get yourself a great gloss.*
Jennifer Patterson
Short Films on the Internet
YouTube has proven the concept that any dork with a video camera can make a film and find an audience to view their work of personal art. If you are interested in exploring short films, the internet is the medium of choice. You have the opportunity to view everything from high brow to grindhouse. In this issue of Kira’s Eye, we take a look at short films available only on the internet. We’ll introduce you to big budget promotional films made by four different corporations. We’ll also tell you about films in Bunnyvision and, since we know you’ve been losing sleep over this, just what Darth Vader’s younger brother Chad has been up to. CORPORATE SPONSORED SHORT FILMS What better way to showcase a product line than to create high quality short films that highlight their products in action. Here’s a sampling of what can be found in cyberspace.
WHO: BMW
In 2001, BMW commissioned a series of eight short films starring Clive Owen (Inside Man – Children of Men) appearing as ‘the driver.’ The films featured A-list directors and starred some of Hollywood’s better talent. BMW’s ultimate goal was to showcase their line-up of automobiles and, as you’d expect, there are plenty of car chases, robust driving and spectacular stunts. These are high budget, quality short films.
WHAT: It’s worth taking a peek at all of the films as each is different in story and style. The best films are John Frankenheimer’s Ambush, Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu’s Powder Keg which featured Stellan Skarsgard, Ang Lee’s Chosen, John Woo’s Hostage, and Joe Carnahan’s Ticker with Don Cheadle. Other luminaries lending their acting skills to these films are the late Godfather of Soul James Brown, Madonna, Mickey Rourke and Gary Oldman.
WHERE : BMW Films - http://www.chasingthefrog.com/BMW_Films/bmw_films.htm
WHO: Pirelli Tires
Pirelli has made two films to showcase their new series of high performance sport tires.
WHAT: Mission Zero is an exciting chase film starring ‘Kill Bill’ uber assassin Uma Thurman and directed by Kathryn Bigelow. In this frenetic romp through Los Angeles, Uma drives a Lamborghini Gallardo, a very sleek, very fast roadster. From beginning to end, she is engaged in a desperate attempt to elude people intent on ending her life. The Call stars John Malkovich and Naomi Campbell and unlike the exciting Mission Zero, this is a moody atmospheric film about a priest and a car that seems to be possessed by the devil. The story didn’t make a whole lot of sense but the visuals were dynamic.
WHERE : Pirelli Films - http://www.pirellifilm.com/thefilm/index.jsp
WHO: SeaDoo
This company is the maker of a variety of watercraft including those whiny machines that look like skidoos on water. They’ve commissioned three films available on the net.
WHAT: Harbour Town, is a combination of two stories. One concerns a rather boring, average American family who win a collection of SeaDoo boats and a week long vacation to Harbour Town. The second story features the SeaDoo boats engaged in various extreme water sports such as wake skating, free style boards and the tube rodeo. Hijacked is an implausible story about a real estate agent on his personal SeaDoo rescuing a fair maiden from pirates. The third film, Rusty Dogs, is the most exciting of the three films. It pits four ex-Navy Seals against a human smuggling operation and stars Eric Roberts and Chad Allen.
WHERE: SeaDoo Films – http://www.seadoofilms.com/ WHO: Mini-Cooper
WHAT: Mini has added a faster, sportier model to their line-up of urban autos and have created a series of 6 television-like episodes called Hammer and Coop. Hammer (Jim Turtledove) is a side-burned, karate chopping, bell bottomed 70’s hero named Hammer. Coop is a talking Mini, a take off on the old disco era television series Knight Rider. It’s campy, goofy fun. The story has holes the size of Texas but who cares. It’s entertainment.
WHERE: Hammer and Coop - http://www.hammerandcoop.com/ The Fun Stuff
If your busy life doesn’t afford you the opportunity to spend 90 minutes taking in a movie, or perhaps you’d like to be reminded of the plot of one of your favourite films, then why not watch the entire film in 30 seconds of Bunnyvision? Check out the animated films by the clever folks at Angryalien.com. The films, acted by bunnies, are a hoot. The Angry Alien collection includes such classics as Borat, Spiderman, Alien, Casablanca, Caddyshack, The Exorcist, Brokeback Mountain and King Kong. New ones are added regularly and you can sign up to have them delivered to your email box. Bunnyvision. Need I say more?
Go to: http://angryalien.com/
Ever wondered what happened to Chad Vader, Darth’s younger, less charismatic brother? He’s the day shift manager at a food store. Chad has Darth’s voice, wears full Darth Vader regalia and even wields a light saber. As the day manager of the food store, he has a rival in Clint the night manager and a love interest in the cashier Clarissa. The first few shows are great but it loses a little steam towards the end as the gag wears thin. The concept is clever and the episodes are original and fun. Each segment is only a few minutes long so it’s not a huge investment of your time. Be forewarned: they have yet to post the final episode. They do promise to deliver it in the very near future. To find Chad Vader on You Tube, simply type Chad Vader into their search engine. Go to: http://www. youtube.comAllan Stanleigh
SANDLER REIGNS IT IN
REIGN OVER ME STARRING ADAM SANDLER AND DON CHEADLE
Most who go to this movie will have an idea what it is about; a man loses his entire family and even his dog in a flight from Boston that fateful morning of September 11, 2001.
What you probably won’t know before seeing this film is this: How that would feel; what do you do with that; and how would that affect you and the way you relate to every waking day?
The story unfolds painfully slow from the gate and then warms up nicely as it gains a little speed while the recently renewed relationship between dentist Alan Johnson, (Don Cheadle) and ex-college roommate Charlie Fineman, (Adam Sandler) solidifies and begins to take shape.
Characters appear in this film whose presence initially seem obligatory and not well developed but in fact, stay with this story, and you find that the simplicity of each character is what makes this story believable - and accurate. Real people inhabit a real situation whereby they can do little but stand aside while one amongst them disintegrates.
The pain inside Charlie’s soul is subtly evident from first introduction and grows as we learn more about his character –brilliantly revealed by Sandler, as layers of an onion – one layer at a time with lightness and weight combined. It’s so subtle a performance that he sneaks up on you and gets inside your head while you are watching him on screen.
Cheadle’s Alan Johnson is equally subtle and very Don Cheadle. Always watchable, the ease that’s apparent when Cheadle’s on screen speaks to his consummate acting skills. Alan’s relationship with Charlie Fineman is delicate in texture, just as the situation would demand. Fineman doesn’t want friendship or anybody intruding into his cloistered life and yet, the likeable quality that Alan owns is simple and honest enough to intrigue even a recluse like Charlie. It is Alan who has the task of gingerly opening up Charlie’s carefully sealed life. There is inherent danger in the process. The more Alan nudges Charlie to open up, going so far as engaging the services of friend and psychologist Angela Oakhurst, (Liv Tyler) the nearer the danger of pushing Charlie over the edge. It’s an abyss that Charlie teeters on each and every waking moment and one he has learned to navigate through sheer dint of denial. He has denied everything that priorly existed for him in order to exist with his loss.
Unfortunately, his grief is one thing he cannot deny. Sandler withdraws so deeply into his character’s pain during the story’s unfolding that, by the time he meets his demons head-on, the viewer shares his pain almost equally. Alan stands beside Charlie throughout this exacting process at the risk of lousing up his own perfect home-life - run with admirable grace and efficiency by wife Janeane. (Jada Pinkett Smith)
While tending to Charlie’s recovery, Alan looks inward and recognizes his own silent screams at the death of the independence he once owned and the boy he has lost becoming a man. His reward for helping Charlie is helping himself reconnect with what he has lost.
The theme is much like The Fisher King; another story of a man who isolates himself to the point of madness from sorrow and loss. Like The Fisher King, this story concludes with the traditional – somewhere there is someone for everyone theme. Reign Over Me’s Lidia Sinclair, (played by the wonderful Amanda Plummer in The Fisher King) is Donna Remar, (Saffron Burrows) a woman on the verge of breakdown and sketchy patient of Johnson’s, who turns out to be
just unstable enough to complement Charlie’s borderline insanity.
It’s a good ending to the story, but the one element probably least likely to ring true. Then again, maybe there really is someone for everyone.*
Devorah Macdonald
The Midnight Work by Kassandra SimsSophie Aubrey’s date with her online chat room friend Olivier doesn’t quite end how she expects. After a one night stand she wakes up to find that she’s become a vampire. So she does what any girl would do, she races home to turn her roommates so they can all be creatures of the night together. But they soon find it’s not all fun and games. Their friend is kidnapped and taken to the fairy world, they find that they are the victims of a century old curse brought down on them in a past life, and their human thrall is possessed by an evil imp.
Now I’ll warn you, if you have ever run screaming from the mall covering your ears desperately with your palms after overhearing teenager’s conversations this is not the book for you. But if you like, totally don’t get why people like roll their eyes at you when you like talk and junk you’ll totally fall in love with Sophie and her mindless shallow friends. As irritating as the dialogue in this book may seem to some I have to hand it to Kassandra Sims, she’s really captured the dialect of early twenty something American girls. In fact she captures not just the way they speak but their whole world as well. Sophie, Suki, and Norah may not be the most loveable of characters ever but they certainly are real. Imagine the cast of Sex and the City, only younger, and worried about spilling blood on their designer handbags.
The plot was a pretty unique idea mixing the basics of vampire novels everywhere with some very clever conflicts, and a whole cast of sci-fi/fantasy type creatures. Truthfully the idea of the books was better then the execution of it. I also don’t know if it really classifies as a horror/romance. The foundation for that is certainly there, the blind date gone awry, lovers reincarnated finding each other again, some spicy sex scenes, but the focus of the book has so little to do with this reborn love that it shouldn’t even be included. I hate to mention it but I have to say, Tor did one of the poorest editing and typesetting jobs I’ve ever seen on this. There were so many typos that it actually detracted from
the reading experience.
Honestly I’m a little ashamed of how much I did like this book. The annoying characters and under developed plotline aside it had some witty banter and was a fun little read.*
Renee Mallett
Toad or Total Babe?
In this day and age the world is populated with billions and billions of people. With so many people scrambling to get ahead, there is one critical attribute which will decide whether you sink or swim and that is: Confidence.
Confidence can also be confused with bitchiness. But the truth of the matter is we all want to be accepted and even more so, we all want to be accepted by the people we label - the bitch also frequently, the leader or head honcho.
Have you ever heard the saying, “Fake it till you make it”? These so called bitchy people weren’t always this scary nor is their tough exterior who they really are. Is anyone really a bitch deep down? I don’t think so. Deep down we all want to be loved and accepted and even those mean, cold people who push to the front of the line or cut you off on the freeway when you wave and smile, all go home to someone or dream of the day they will.
People are just people, and aren’t we all in this together? We have one planet, one life (debatable), one chance and only 50-60 really good years to make our time here count. Why waste it with bitterness, jealousy, coldness, and anger?
Why not consciously decide every morning to wake up and make your self happy? Every day is new and a chance to start over, to start fresh. Why not wake up and live this day as if it was your last?
Take a cold shower, go for a run, eat healthy, smile at everyone you pass by, say hello to perfect strangers and find out who they really are.
Is a bitch really going to be a bitch when you say hello to them? If they tell you to piss off, ask them why. Listen and really learn about this person, this one simple act could change this toad into a total babe.*
Charity West
Photo : Jason Willmann (c) 2007
The BAD GIRLFRIEND - Could it be you?
Here’s a quick checklist. If you recognize any behaviours as your own, be quite sure that the world rolls their eyes behind your back and talks about you when you go to the ladies room.
So stop it.
9 Tell-Tale Signs You Are a Bad Girlfriend:
1. You put him down in front of others – especially his friends. Don’t nag him about biting his nails, don’t dis his clothes, and certainly don’t TELL him what to do. Every man needs his pride, no matter how pissed you are. Plus, it’s just rude!
2. You snoop. Have you looked through his wallet? Cell phone? Email? My lord, you are insecure. If you can’t trust him without checking up on him, take that as a sign it isn’t going to work out.
3. He has to run his plans by you first – OR ELSE. Do you demand a play-by-play of your man’s day? You aren’t his mother, nor are you his stalker. He shouldn’t have to worry about being “grounded” by his girlfriend.
4. You make him pay for everything from dinner to gas to your manicures. Okay, we all like to be treated like a lady. But if you assume he’s going to pay or you simply make him do it, he’ll eventually get tired of dealing with your high- maintenance ways. Besides, you should be a little self-reliant, girl! You can’t always count on Prince Charming to save your ass.
5. He better NOT forget your favourite ice-cream/ drink / Starbucks order / colour / perfume etc. Do you really think that “if he loved me, he’d remember”? Men think about the big picture, not in the details. If he brings you roses instead of lilies, deal with it! He was thinking about you! If you curse him out for getting the wrong “surprise” he won’t put up with it long.
6. You don’t leave his side when you are out together. Who wants a Siamese twin? Showing him that you can mingle with his friends is a good thing. Being suction cupped to his arm shows him you are clingy and insecure. Get your own life!
7. You cheat. And no, no one believes you “accidentally” kissed that other guy. Ain’t no self-respecting man going to stay with the get-around girl.
8. You daily blame PMS for your behaviour. Being a “Strong Woman” is worlds away from being a flat out bitch.
9. You try and make him “dump” his best friend since grade three. He needs his friends – especially to get him away from you! But seriously, he shouldn’t have to ditch his closest friends to get you to put out. Either get along, or don’t. But don’t make him choose. You know the saying: Bros before…. Well, you get the picture.
So ladies, don’t do any of this crap, because you’ll either end up lonely or just miserable. And men, if you are reading this and see your woman in here, maybe you need to leave this under her pillow…
Carolyn Sapach
To screw or not to screw, that is the question
I only learned recently that if you wait to have sex with a guy, there is a better chance that a relationship will develop! Seriously, it never really occurred to me that guys really wouldn’t buy the cow, because I was giving them my proverbial milk for free! I guess though I should mention when I was single, I was heavily influenced by Samantha from Sex in the City, and had that “go get him” attitude. To further that, I wasn’t really looking for a man at the time. Ironically, I slept with my boyfriend pretty quick, and I’m still with him.
But the question still remains, what is the protocol for sex? Is it ok to sleep with him on the first date? After all, we are living in the era of instant gratification where 12 year olds are getting caught having sex at school (Google this topic on CNN, you’ll be amazed the amount of coverage it got!). I think a distinction needs to be made as to what you want from the guy. If you want sex, and only sex (and I mean it, don’t just say it with a secret hope in your heart that he will like you), or if you want a relationship, there will be an obvious difference in the way you should (or should not) behave with a new guy.
Sometimes it seems so hard not to have sex. There is so much lust, so much chemistry, and let’s face it, you’re horny! The guy you are with is into you….or is he? Perhaps he is testing your limits to see how easy you are (clearly I failed this test many times). A guy always wants to have sex (ok, sometimes he doesn’t, but if he doesn’t and you are really hot, I’d question his sexual orientation) and will work really hard to sell you on the idea. He’ll tell you how hot and sexy you are, and make you feel like if you have sex with him, it will be a great idea. Some guys will even go to great lengths to get you to cave. THINK before you fuck. Guys in the past really had the upper hand on this issue. If you put out on the first date, they get laid, AND find out that you are probably not someone they would want to date. They get sex, and an answer. For women, if we do have sex (usually it’s bad, and we don’t orgasm………) we get shitty sex, and the haunting head game of will he call me or not? (even though he said he would). KNOW what you want before you fuck. Do you want a boyfriend, or a good lay?
If you want a boyfriend, then clamp your legs shut. The standard time to wait before you have sex in the past was 3-5 dates. We tend to communicate more and faster these days, due to text messaging and emails, so relationships have the ability to develop a bit more quickly. It’s easier to send a text message to someone, then actually coming right out and asking someone something to their face. This has taken the “nerve” out of asking people out, or propositioning someone for a booty call. Although the way we communicate has changed over the years I still believe this 3-5 date rule applies. When you wait to have sex, you have the upper hand. The guy knows that you know you are worth the wait, which means you respect yourself. This in turn, causes him to respect you more. If you do it on date 2 you are in a bit of a grey area. A guy may or may not have decided yet if he is into you. By date 3-5 he usually has pretty good idea if there is any potential future together. Now here is the craziest part. Women are programmed to find an attractive and smart man, lock him down, and live happily ever after. What this means is that women will meet a guy, and if he meets these (very) wide criteria, she can learn to like him, and accept him for who he is (sometimes no matter how ridiculous the situation). Men on the other hand, are programmed to find a hot, doting girl, and let her take care of them. They want to test you out (ie get to know you over the course of 3-5 dates) before they can tell if they like you. They are far less accepting of a woman’s faults, because men know that it’s easier for them to find a woman because women are more accepting of their faults. Therefore they want to “make sure” they find the best person for them and will be quite thorough about it. Translation: women will fall for men faster, and worry more about whether they will call or not. Men are more concerned about finding the “right” person, versus finding “a” person (disclaimer: of course there are exceptions to every rule). So what does this all mean? If you want a boyfriend, you have to wait to have sex.
Now if you are like me, and you are looking for a good time and not a long time, then saddle up little missy and have some fun. Go for it, meet guys online, pick ‘em up in bars, and feel free to hunt them for sport. Just make sure of 2 things: Never ever have unprotected sex. Not only are there some pretty nasty diseases out there, but if you get preggers by some jackass who is a shitty person (who may have had the hottest body…) you have just potentially ruined your life (not to mention your sex hunting ways). And make certain that you can handle the fuck and chuck. If you are the type to get your heart involved, than this lifestyle is not for you. If you have even the slightest hope that a relationship will spawn, then don’t do it. It could be an added bonus if a relationship does develop, but let it happen naturally, don’t dwell on it because you will only think yourself crazy, and miss out on a lot of fun.
It’s really up to you what you want. If you want to test the odds and screw every Tom, Dick and Harry, go for it. But if you want a better chance at a lasting relationship, then my wee grasshopper, you must delay your gratification. You can always wait to have sex, but you can never undo having sex. Be sure you know what you want, and that you are there for the right reasons. Good luck and be safe!*
Lisa Powell
OVEN BAKED COOKIE
PENELOPE CRUZ
She's cultured, she's funny and she's gorgeous. What's not to love?
I didn't think much of her when she first hit the scene but she was on punk'd and instantly became cute. She's former cookie Salma Hayek's best friend and has 3 films coming out within the next year.
She keeps getting more awesome by the minute *