ISSUE 24 (2008) WINTER
French Cuisine: Two Films That Are Sure To Please
What is it about the movies that draws people to the theatre? What's up with sitting in a darkened room and watching a film? One of the reasons I frequently hear from friends and acquaintances (all three of them) is the desire to escape, to lose oneself, for a few hours. There's something to be said for immersing yourself in the visual and auditory splendour and excitement of a movie theatre. Here are two films with a French flair, that should keep you highly entertained.
RATATOUILLE (2007) After the usual assortment of upcoming film trailers, the producers of this film present to you a rare cinematic treat: a short cartoon. The inventive and amusing animated short exhibited before the main feature is called, "Lifted,” a very funny story that cheekily imagines a driving lesson aboard a UFO. It’s a great warm up act for the main feature: Ratatouille. This Pixar produced animated feature is a clever, entertaining computer animated feature about a rat named Remy (voiced by Patton Oswalt) who lives with his clan in the French countryside. Remy has an extraordinarily enhanced sense of smell and a keen desire to create culinary sensations. He lives in a rat clan along with his overweight, soft-hearted brother Emile (voiced by Peter Sohn) and a gruff dad, Django (voiced by Brian Dennehy). These two are quite content to wallow in trash and generally disapprove of Remy's all-too-human ambitions. When their clan is discovered and forced to flee their comfortable space in the home of an elderly woman, they take a whirlwind trip through the sewers and end up in Paris near the restaurant of Remy’s hero, Chef Auguste Gusteau (voiced by Brad Garrett), whose populist motto (“anyone can cook!") is music to Remy’s ears. Unfortunately, Gusteau has recently left the earthly kitchens and is now cooking for the angels in heaven. His restaurant is now managed by a conniving chef named Skinner (voiced by Ian Holm) who plots to take over the establishment from the new owner, Chef Gusteau’s gangly nephew Linguini (voiced by Lou Ramano). This young, uncoordinated fellow finds friendship and an ally against Skinner in another of the chefs, the lovely Colette (voiced by Janeane Garolfalo). Of course, everyone fears the restaurant critic, the wonderfully named Anton Ego (skillfully voiced with verve by Peter O’Toole). The story outlines the remarkable partnership between the rat, Remy and the untalented Linguini. I’ll not provide any more plot detail. Why spoil the fun? The animation is astounding. You’ll appreciate how the story and the camera change their point of view between that of the rats and that of the humans. This film was created by Brad Bird who was the writer-director of one of the most inventive, funny and entertaining animated features to be released in the past five years: The Incredibles. This latest adventure is just as much fun. Enjoy!
Running Time: 110 minutes
Five Stars Out of Five
Ratatouille Is Now in Theatres and will be released to DVD in November, 2007
LA VIE EN ROSE (2007) Once again, Paris and France are front and center in a film’s story. La Vie en Rose is a biography, the story of Edith Piaf, a singer who was, and still is, a national treasure in France. Her story is both tragic and triumphant and this film effectively displays her life, warts and all. Edith Piaf was the daughter of a street singer and a circus performer, a contortionist. Her first taste of rapidly changing life situations was being dumped by her mother with her father. He proceeded to take the young girl to live with his mother who ran a brothel in Normandy. Edith grew very close to the women in the brothel, especially Titine (Emmanuelle Seigner). Unexpectedly, her father returned and transported her from this loving environment to live in a traveling circus. When he decided to leave the show, father and daughter traveled throughout France, paying their way by doing street performances for money. One day when his contortionist act was met with yawns, the audience asked what she could do and her father commanded her to, "do something!" She sang a riveting version of "La Marseilles." At that pivotal moment, Edith Piaf, singer and performer, was born. The story moves back and forth throughout the various stages of her life, childhood through to her death. We celebrate her breakthroughs and successes and also the many tragedies that befell the woman. Central to her life was the realization that everything is fleeting, everything changes except her desire and need to sing (along with champagne and morphine). Marion Cotillard is extraordinary as Edith Piaf. It’s worth doing a search on YouTube, to discover the many videos of Edith Piaf. You will be amazed to see the uncanny resemblance between Piaf and Cotillard and how this extraordinary actress captures the changes in Piaf's physicality and demeanor over time. Beautifully directed by Olivier Dahan, this is one of the finest films of 2007.
Running Time: 140 minutes
Five Stars Out of Five
La Vie En Rose Is in Theatres Now and Will Be Available on DVD in September, 2007
Minds Eye
By Philip Henry
ISBN: 1-84685-297-8
Johnny Knox was that high school kid that every one knew, and no one actively disliked, but no one was friends with. Students are surprised when he dies, in what is first called a suicide and is later deemed natural causes, but life goes on pretty much as normal. Normal that is for everyone except for Steve Norton who has a terrifying experience shortly after the death that makes him realize that there was nothing 'natural' about the cause. In time he finds a few others, outcasts for the most part, that have also had run ins with this monster. Now only a small handful of teenagers stand between something from out of this world and a school full of unsuspecting victims.
Mind's Eye is told from the perspective of Steve as an adult, looking over the audio recordings and notes he made as a high school aged aspiring journalist. The result is uncanny and unnerving. As much as this is a full fledged horror story it is also a very gripping coming of age story. Philip Henry tackles those tempestuous years of high school, years which I think are the hardest for adults to remember with any real accuracy. But Henry does it perfectly. As enthralled as I was with the story- while I'm being honest, I have to admit that I stayed up all night and read it cover to cover with no break- I was equally sucked into reminiscing. Mind's Eye made me remember all the little details of growing up that I had forgotten about, the insecurities, the failures, the adults that just couldn't be made to understand. I don't know that I've seen an author capture that age during that time period so well.
While some readers may find the ending a little abrupt or the book almost too straight forward (there is very little mystery in Mind's Eye, you know who or what the bad guy is pretty much right from the start) true horror junkies will find much to love. The tension starts right at the beginning and builds subtly straight through to the end keeping you reading to find out what will happen next. Surprisingly, the humor laced throughout the book only adds to the tension. Steve Norton, his friends, and enemies ring so true you can't help but feel a connection to them. These are no high school stereotypes brought to life, the characters are well developed and as sex obsessed and wise cracking as the real thing.
A lot of horror stories are held up and compared to the master, Stephen King. Mind's Eye did put me in mind of the early works of King, or Peter Straubs' The Hellfire Club, but it definitely stood on its own. This is no imitation. It is pure unadulterated horror at its finest and it made me a Philip Henry fan in one sitting.
Let it Snow
Summer is now behind us. No longer can we get away with mini-skirts and tank-tops (at least not legally), instead we're faced with winter and months of Jack Frost continuously nipping at our nose. So to help you get through this chilly, but festive time of year are ten seasonal must-haves.
Topping the list of necessities is everyone's favourite ; the winter coat. Available in various cuts, styles and colours, no one can go wrong with a sleek, cosy cover-up. Keep an eye on bright hues this year ;green and red appear to be especially popular. And bear in mind; everyone looks great in a pea coat.
A definite accessory for an evening out in these coming months is a hat. Yes a toque is easily manageable, but try to opt for something different like a beret or flapper hat—circa 1920’s. Both are classic styles that have survived the ages.
Winter in Vancouver doesn’t necessarily mean snow; in fact it tends to mean rain, and lots of it. So here on the ‘wet coast’ you need to prepare yourself for the worst and stock up on an umbrella. For funky shapes and styles visit local Vancouver company, The Umbrella Shop.
Along with the changing season comes an old foe—dry skin. Be sure to lotion up immediately after showering with a good substantial product. Try out the Body Shop body butters in seasonal scents like cinnamon spice and cranberry.
Keep warm indoors listening to chestnuts roasting on an open fire and watching your favourite TV series on DVD. Catch up on old favourites like Dawson’s Creek and Felicity and skip the tedious Christmastime commercials.
If you insist on wearing your favourite dress in these cold, blustery months, be sure to wear it with a great pair of tights. A definite must this season is the colour grey, so pull on a pair of charcoal hued leggings and keep those bare legs warm.
Whether you’re skiing down the side of a mountain or just running to catch the bus, make sure your lips are protected with some chap-stick. Keep to old classics like Blistex and Bonne Bell and help your kissers look their best.
Make the most of these chilly months and get yourself a pair of bright leather gloves. Whether arm length or standard wrist size, nothing goes as great, or will keep you as warm, as these classic winter staples.
Winter brings many things, two of these being Christmas and New Year’s. So with hopes of the numerous holiday party invites you’ll be receiving, step out and pick up a new party dress. To help get you noticed, look for one made of brightly-coloured silk.
Finally, and most importantly, the toast of the winter season—boots, what else will last you throughout the years? Big trends appear to be equestrian- and ankle-styled boots. So go on, spend a little, after all you’ll be wearing them for the next 4 months.
Jennifer Patterson
Metalocolypso Inferno
If you're not already under the band Dethklok's spell, you might want to clear the next few nights for some cartoon action entertainment and watch Metalocolypse, the most brutal metal show on TV, Internet and now on DVD for the first time. Dethklok's first album, Dethalbum, debuted at number 21 on the Billboard Top 200 list, making it the highest charting death metal album ever.
The first season's 20 episodes show the world Metalocolypse and the 'chillingly brilliant and terrifying' story of Dethklok, the biggest entertainment act in the universe. The DVD includes one cubic metal ton of hidden features, including interviews with the band. In the first episode, the Curse of Dethklok, the audience is immediately caught up in what these five long haired dysfunctional death metal dudes are up to. They are the 12th largest economy in the universe and growing, so naturally the government wants to make sure they don't get out of control, in each episode the military's plans are luckily skewed. Dethklok may not know it yet but the man wants them out of the picture.
Other episodes include Dethwater, where they record their first album, in the deepest part of the ocean. Dethreligion, when they summon Satin, and It had begun, the last episode of the 20. After watching this many episodes, almost all of which have gushing blood and several deaths, decapitations and disembowelments, there may be long term side affects like a new love of death metal, and your five newest nihilist friends, Shwisgaar Shwigelf, Toki Wartooth, William Murderface murderface murderface. Pickles the drummer, and the lead singer Nathan Explosion.
With satire mirroring the Simpsons and South Park on steroids along with a core of metal so strong that these guys have no questions about who they are, they are metal. Each show will take you into another world. Dethklok may be your future favorite fake band, from the creator of 'Home Movies' on Adult Swim, being a metal fan is not required but it helps. *
THE BUTCHER OF ROSTOV
By Tara Fraser
The year is 1978 and dusk is beginning to set in the a poor rundown village of Shakhty,USSR. Only two days before the eve of Christmas and the icy winds paint the nearby sidewalks with a thin frost. Nine year old Yelena Zakotnova is on her way to a friend's house, her tiny book bag swinging in correspondence to her stride. At the same time a thin and elderly man sporting a long trench coat and thick glasses accompanies her. His lanky frame looms carelessly over the small child as they walk briskly. She has no idea that she is in the company of none other than the Andrei Chikatilo. Continuing down the small dirt road, the sky darkens which each step. To their far right runs a river gated in by tall reeds. It was at that moment that Andrei described being taken by an uncontrollable urge to have sexual relations with Yelena. He lured her back to his guest house with a stick of bubble gum, a rare treat in these parts. Once inside he bound her with thick rope."She tried to struggle free but I was literally in a state of animal frenzy, I couldn't stop myself, I pulled off her pants and began thrusting my hands into her sexual organs. At the same time, to keep her quiet, I began squeezing her throat. I began ripping at her sexual organs. I had an orgasm while lying on top of her and tearing her sexual organs. I did not have intercourse as such with her. The sperm either went between her legs or on her stomach. When I realized the girl was dead, I dressed her and threw her body in the river. Then I threw her school case in too. I washed my hands and put my clothes in order. Then I returned to the streetcar stop, and went home . . . ". -Andrei Chikatilo's confession.
However due to the coronary reports it plainly shows that Yelena had been stabbed many times while being sexually assaulted. He later admitted to blind folding her as to avoid seeing her eyes and the murder being far more brutal than originally described.
This was the first of his many murders. Over a period of 12 years he repeatedly and selfishly took the lives of innocent children,homeless and mentally disable people. The age of his victims ranged from 9 to 45, his total adding up to 52.
Chikatilo was born in the tiny village of Yalochnoye, Russia in 1936. These were trying and traumatic times as the USSR was at war with Germany and Stalin's plans with agriculture had created a famine. His mother would warn him to stay near their house with terrifying tales of cannibalism. She claimed he had once had an older brother that had died in the famine and his body had been eaten by neighbors. There is no proof that this tale rings any truth, however cannibalism was not unheard of in these times. It was during these times that Chikatilo would most often fantasize about leading German soldiers into the nearby woods and executing them. He later on would replay this fantasy with some of his victims. With his father away at war he would share a small bed with his mother which he would sometimes wet and she in turn would beat and humiliate him for this act. When his father was captured by the Nazi's and released back home he wore a crown of shame as it was considered cowardly to return home early from war. His father was now the shame of the village and Chikatilo felt this on himself as well. It did not help when he realized he carried an even greater embarrassment of impotence. Doing his best to ignore this awful curse that had been placed upon him he threw himself into his studies and applied for Moscow State University. Unfortunately he failed the entrance exam.
Chikatilo married in 1963, an arranged marriage put together by his younger sister, who set him up with one of her friends when she took pity on him to obtain a girlfriend. Even though he was impotent the couple was able to have two children, he did this by ejaculating on his wife's stomach and pushing the semen inside her with his fingers. He later on became a school teacher and was ridiculed by his students. Later it was discovered that he was molesting the younger students and was forced out of that school. None of his actions were punished in any other form and so it was as easy for him to move to another location and continue teaching.
It was when he moved to the small village of Shakhty and where he first experimented with his visions of the raw combination of sex and violence. Through most of his murders he would follow the great Russian superstition that his reflection would be trapped in the eyes of his victims, so, he would carve them out. He would often consume the flesh of his victims, including the breasts and genitalia.
"I did not eat them, I nibbled on them. They were so pink and springy" he quoted.
In 1990, Chikatilo was arrested and charged with 53 counts of murder and 5 counts of child molestation. He was tried in court behind a cage to protect him from the victim's families. He attempted to plead insanity to win over the sympathy of the jury, however that failed. The courtroom was described as having a disturbing atmosphere as the victims families outwardly screamed threats and insults towards the caged killer. There were reported incidents of family members fainting when the victims names were read out and guards had to suppress what looked like a merging riot several times.
On October 15th Andre Chikatilo was found guilty of 52 murders and sentenced to death for each offence. He was reported to delivering a rambling speech on politics and his impotency to take blame for his actions. He screamed out that he was cleansing society of worthless people as most of his victims were runaways,prostitutes,street youth. This did nothing to change the decision and on February 14th ,1994 he was executed with a single shot to the back of his head.
"When I die, let them take my brain apart piece by piece and study it so that there may never be another like me"
-Andrei Chikatilo. A&E-biography.
My Idea for a Weight Loss Plan
Here's where the idea comes from. Personally, I find eating annoying. I don't enjoy it, and, in fact, I find it inconvenient. I keep myself fairly busy, and I hate having to stop what I'm doing to eat because my body won't carry on without nutrients, therefore, I do it as little as possible. Which is why I could never understand when people have problems with over eating. Do you know how much time you have to reserve to over-eat? I barely have enough time to under-eat. If over-eating is a problem for you, get a new hobby. This is the basis of my weight loss plan, and the activity I prescribe is Video Games.
I know what's on your mind. (if you've even actually read this far into this article) "Ivan, everyone that plays a lot of video games is a fat piece of crap." WRONG! That's a stereotype, and you're a racist......or something. For most people, the stereotype of an individual who spends a lot of time in front of his computer playing video games is an enormous fat blob with poor social skills and even poorer personal hygiene. This, of course, is incorrect. I don't play a lot of video games anymore but I know quite a few people who still do and they are the basis of my argument. Based on my evidence, the most common characteristics of a person who plays a lot of video games is a very thin person, with poor social skills and even poorer personal hygiene.
The reason that the stereotype of fatness was adopted is because it is actually a hybrid of someone who spends too much time in front of the T.V. and someone who is a devout star trek fan. Combine them both, add a pony-tail subtract the crappy badge, and voila, your stereotypical World of Warcraft champion.
This is only a stereotype, however, because unlike watching television, Playing video games requires the use of both hands, and, unless you have more than two hands, that means you don't have any hands left over to cram food into your fat face.
If you can succeed in becoming addicted to one of these games, like World of Warcraft, (which isn't hard; they spend billions making sure that it happens.) Everything else will go out the window. Tired of your friends talking about you behind your back? don't worry they'll be gone, and you'll make friends with a dwarf or some elves. There will be no time to prepare food or even eat it because you'll be too busy killing raptors and harvesting their horns to trade for new gloves. You're diet will probably be reduced entirely to individual servings of premium plus crackers whenever the hunger gets so bad that it starts to affect your ability to get into typed insult fights with 13 year olds.
Your muscles will go into a state of atrophy, and you will begin to starve yourself back to the physique of a high school chemistry student with no friends. This may take a while, and if it doesn't work, at least you don't have friends anymore to tell you you're fat. *
A Thought on Reality TV Ainslie Hogarth
Oftentimes, when I find myself slovenly loafing about the couch and living room area; a swell of peanut M&M crumbs forming around me and a mess of dishes piling up next to me, I notice that what is usually gracing my television screen is not the thoughtful hum of A&E or the educational buzz of the discovery channel, but the screaming cheers of a Maury Povich audience or the nattering arguments of the ladies of Flavor of Love. It is, more often than not, some reality TV show, whether it takes the form of the classic talk show (i.e. Montel Williams) or the more current reality TV elimination programs such as Survivor. Either way I find myself captivated by the programs, even though I hate every word that comes out of The Bachelors mouth and everything that The Girls Next Door do. Why am I, an educated adult, entertained by this garbage? It’s downright shameful. But I do love it so.
It is curious, however, that reality TV shows have had such a boom in recent years. Despite the fact that everyone knows and admits to how lowly and simple they are. Everyone hates Tyra Banks and her incessant stupidity and narcissism on America’s Next Top Model, but we all still watch it. There is something about watching real people; all the time, at their most stressed out that is somewhat calming. It is a chance to see how crazy other people are and realize that the nutty stuff you do, isn’t really all that nutty. Of course we all realize it has been chopped up and edited again and again but that is easy to ignore when Miss New York and Deelicious are bitch slapping each other over Flavor Flav…*shudder*.
Or when you see how the girls at the Playboy mansion live and the way that those crazy kids of Laguna Beach act, you really come to appreciate the normalcy in your own life. You come to appreciate that you are not the offspring of a hotel mogul or the spawn of a jerry-curled Commodore. Who knows? Maybe reality TV is a tactic of the government to help people to swallow the monotony of a 9-5 lifestyle; prevent them from going on a killing spree with an automatic assault rifle. But that’s a whole other psychotic can of worms that I will leave for my own private journals…just joking.
All I know is that in spite of the fact that I hate Simon Cowell and all of the losers on American Idol, I am still going to go right ahead and watch each season. And despite the fact that I consider The Bachelor a massive step in the wrong direction for women’s rights and it infuriates me every Wednesday, I am still going to tune in. I am going to watch Maury Povich exploit human misery and I am going to look on while Tyra Banks break girls’ spirits…just like the rest of the world. *
Ladies stop falling for bad boys!
Yes they can be so hot and make us so weak, we give up everything just to see them again. I admit i've been there done that many times but luckily at 23, I have matured enough to realize that these are not the type of guys you want to settle down with Ladies!!
I've met many women including my friends older than me,who keep falling for these men, and complain about their so called "relationship". '"Why hasn't he called me back', why does only come around once in awhile". Its because he ain't thinking about you.
It amazes me that women who are still treated like shit, make up excuses for these men!"oh his been busy" please!
Why haven't women figured that so called "bad boys" are only for fun times and nothing more! These men don't want nothing more, than you know what,isn't i obvious? They don't call you the next day, they'll say "catch you later" meaning see you in awhile and during that time their out making more friends just like you.
So ladies take my advice, you can't change these men, you just have to let them grow until hopefully they'll grow out of it, in the mean time live your life and look for a man who will treat you right and will call you the next day to ask you out on another next date.*
Tajah Olson
Art: Jason Willmann
Love is Just a Four Letter Word
Love is just a four letter word. A fancy line I once heard at a friends house party. The lyrics to the song spilling as carelessly as the beer onto the carpet. The raw truth of that line will follow me always. Thank you Mr.Dylan. Long nights complete with tears,half bottles of wine and terrible poetry do well to describe my last break-up with "the photographer".
He was an art student,littered with tattoos and well educated. Our nights were spent watching "B" movies and passionately discovering each others bodies in ways I had been craving. However, both half way through college and mentally changing, our paths took sudden turns. The arguments reigned as wild as our sex once was and after months we lay down the dead and said farewell.
Looking back on this I realize how these short flights of insanity attack everyone at some point. We are all connected by the fact that no matter who or where we are, we all suffer the same throes of passion and undergo the same pain in the name of that emotion. Today we find ourselves in a world which offers speed dating and the almighty internet search for "the one". Does this all boil down to a simple fear of dying alone, the inevitable? Or is it giving in to our true animalistic nature? Who knows.
As a child I was introduced to stories where love won every time. There was never a mention of divorce or adultery. Cinderella never questioned Prince Charming on his motives. All these books were very black and white. Woman meets man. Crazy adventure. Woman and man live happily ever after. Growing up on these stories we are almost forced to believe that there is no other alternative. No wonder the pain and disappointment ring so strong when you realize that your own "special someone" is not in fact your Prince Charming at all, that this idea that has been placed in your head may be non other than a fantasy?
If you look into the reality of the knight in shining armor fantasy, where love was believed to be exciting,pure and strong you'll find that marriages in that time only lasted as long as was considered to be convenient. Knights were in fact barbarians whom if they could not sway the woman to sleep with them would in fact rape her. There has never been courtly love. This idea was created by poets. Even back then, pure love was considered unattainable.
True love is different for each. To some a sequence of fleeting moments. To others a long lasting marriage. To me, it’s just a four letter word.*
WHAT : Keeping up with the Kardashians
WHEN: Sundays 10:30pm pt
WHERE: E!
This pitiful excuse for a show revolves around spoiled brat socialite Kim Kardashian, her bitchy sisters,stuck-up mother Kim and fragile, spineless father Bruce Jenner.
In the one episode I saw I was lucky enough to see Kim make her mother/manager cry by firing her, older sister Klhoe call her mother to warn her about the new nanny saying "a whore is watching your children - come home before your husband leaves you for this 12 year old biatch" and mother Kris changing her voice mail to say something to the likes of "This is Kim's ex-manager - if you want to reach my ungrateful daughter call her on her cell."
The only thing this show is good for is eye candy - which is few and far between as the girl's attitudes make them quite unattractive quite quickly.
It's like watching a house full of Paris Hilton's for an hour. The only thing that will cross your mind while viewing this crap is "who are these people and why should I care?"
0 stars out of Five
WHAT: Man Stroke Woman
WHEN: Tuesdays 7:30pm pt
WHERE: Comedy Network
This British comedy is so funny I actually count down the days until the next episode.It revolves around men and woman living together and is done in a robot chicken-esque way where each skit is under 1 minute long.It's great, that's all I can say.
Four stars out of Five
OVEN BAKED COOKIE
LIV TYLER
She was always a babe - ever since she appeared in Aerosmith's Crazy video when she was 16. And even though it was her father's band who got her her big break, she is one of the few people who has made everyone forget who her parents are by becoming famous on her own account.
Her resume includes tons of goodies from starring in an early 90's cult classic (Empire Records), becoming the Givenchy spokesperson and playing a role in Lord of the Rings, one of the best trilogies of all time.
Aside from being a great actress she has virtually stayed out of the limelight in terms of her personal life ; you never hear anyone saying "fuck I'm so sick of hearing about Liv Tyler."
For the record though, she has a son with husband Royston Langdon, former band member of Space Hog...he loves the all, the all in you.*
Laura V
update : they split up