ISSUE 4
BROKEN CONDOM BABIES Live
This is a bit of a cheat since their album isn’t out yet but when it is, you should definitely get it.
Honestly I haven’t enjoyed going to local shows since I was in high school but last night at the Anthill cd release party, I saw room for change.
Broken Condom Babies who opened the show, have their shit together. Great lyrics and a great sound altogether – although I had to roll my eyes at the two groupies who felt it necessary to get up and dance at stage foot in the 30 seated venue. The words to the songs are sweet at times - they re actually Thrush Hermit-esque, I felt. I could do without the shirt & tie concept and at times the lead singer’s ego seems a bit much but the drummer is the shit – and he s the same drummer for Anthill as well!
I went outside for a breather and a girl next to me and her friend said a few words :
" I' m not ready to go back in yet."
" Why? Cos it s Jamiroquai meets Radiohead?"
Like that's a bad thing! I m not sure if I' d splice those two bands to describe BCB but if you' re going to go to a show, see these guys. Better than what you hear on the radio, better than the headliners. Next show, The Roxy June 14. Check out their music*
Laura V
THE TOWN PANTS Live
I didn’t really know what to expect when I went to see The Town Pants. I had a strong sense that I had heard the name before but as far as the sound, it was totally lost on me. After trudging through some seriously miserable rain, I finally made it to the Arts Club Backstage Lounge on Granville Island. Turns out this show is in honour of their annual patio party.
Now, most of the time I would be excited about an annual patio party, however the intense Irish theme and the vibrant colors made me feel like I didn’t quite belong. I met some of the band members and milled around for about 40 minutes before they actuallyplayed. A lengthy analysis of the gear sitting on stage (Pipes, fiddles, banjos, upright bass, and hand drum kit) kick-started my brain and I suddenly had a pretty good idea of what to expect.
The Town Pants are reminiscent of bands like Great Big Sea; Irish feel-good drinking songs great for any occasion.
Fortunately for me, these guys proved to play and perform a lot better than them. The entire set was flawlessly tight, if there were many errors they were small enough to slip past me, at least. These guys definitely knew their style, as well as their instruments. The biggest highlights for me were the banjo player’s thrasher crotch-riding playing style, and the fiddler was simply too good at what she does.
All in all, they did an amazing job of connecting with their crowd and getting them out on the dance floor. These guys are professionals through and through, and put on a show worth watching, given you can appreciate well-orchestrated Irish drinking tunes. *
Brodie Muskett
DAN MANGAN Live
I always love going to Richard’s, it’s such a great venue… Too bad it’s being torn apart and turned into condos for yuppies but I guess that’s just sort of how things go down around here these days. I went there to see Dan Mangan and Birds of Wales.
I arrived and the place was packed, and a constant flow of beings continued to pour in and pool in front of the stage. These people seemed like die-hard fans, as there was half an hour from the time they accumulated by the stage to the time Mr. Mangan decided to show his face.
His compositions were well organized and presented very well. His group’s stage presence had people literally screaming for him. He had the attitude of that famous rock star who loves your city more than the last. Though I guess I wouldn’t exactly call it rock.
The sound was very similar to a lot of the ‘indie’ or experimental rock you’ll see on Much Music most of the time these days. I could almost guarantee you that John Mayer and Coldplay are amongst his greatest influences. It was presented well and the sound was perfect, however it was only one sound that was really prominent. The songs did not vary as much as I would have liked, it was too genre specific.
I had a tough time being impressed by Birds of Wales as well. The sound was a lot more fun, but again, hard pressed to appreciate the same song played a few times. It just seemed like your typical art-school rock to me. To my dismay though, these two bands are almost guaranteed to hit it extremely big in the near future; it seems like repetitive artsy noodling is what’s in.
On the way out they made me pay a late check on the bag I had brought in... Two dollars and then sent on my way. What a great ending. *
www.danmanganmusic.comBrodie MuskettPhoto : Jessica Balfour , www.myspace.com/danmangan
WHO : Ben Harper & The Innocent Criminals
With: Bedouin Soundclash and the Be Good Tanyas
Where: Deer Lake Park, Burnaby, B.C.
When: Sunday, May 28
60%. That’s what they were calling for on Sunday night. A 60% chance of rain. The tickets plainly said rain or shine, and the prospect of getting dumped on did nothing to dampen the spirits of the crowds heading into Deer Lake Park. Inside the gates, it was a see of tarps and people brandishing umbrellas spread out on the hillside, everyone prepared for the worst.
But we got lucky.
With an entire festival atmosphere unfolding on the hill below the Shadbolt Center and looking right out onto the lake, Bedouin Soundclash took the stage right around 6:30 and played for about 40-45 minutes. Overall, nothing spectacular, but they seem to be a bit of an acquired taste - best taken in small doses rather than a full set. Easily, the highlight of their show was the closing number, the single “When the Night Feels My Song.”
Right around 7:30, as the clouds were breaking overhead, Ben and his band took the stage. This is the fifth time I’ve seen him in concert, and the remarkable thing is that no two concerts are even remotely alike. Taking a bit of an unconventional stance, the show opened with “Take My Hand”, one of the tracks he performed with the Blind Boys of Alabama on the album There Will Be A Light. Not a heavy number by any means, but still a great way to open. They immediately followed up with “Both Sides of the Gun”, “Glory and Consequence”, “The Will to Live”, and then one hell of a climax with a 7-8 minute shot at “Temporary Remedy.” It was quite a bit different from their Commodore show last year as that one started with one helluva bang while this one built to more of a gradual climax. He lost the crowd a little during two slow songs, but quickly caught their attention again as he cranked up the speed and intensity throughout the rest of the set before heading into two back-to-back showstoppers with 15 minute versions of “Serve Your Soul” and “Jah Work/War.” It was an incredibly tight end to the first set and really grabbed the crowd’s full attention.
A few minutes later, Ben came back out on his own for an acoustic encore. He even made a point after the second song of telling the crowd that he has never heard 15,000 people be so quiet, and thanked us for that. For the third and fourth songs, he brought out Vancouver’s Be Good Tanyas to join him on stage. It was very soft, very intimate, if 15,000 can ever be considered “intimate.”
The first encore over, the crowd never stopped chanting and Ben delivered with a second encore, bringing out the entire band for four more songs. Starting with “Get it Like You Like it”, he quickly adhered to the demands of the crowd and brought out “Burn One Down.” In minutes, the collective smoke cloud that descended over the hillside made it hard to see. The final two songs of the night were huge crowd-pleaser “Steal My Kisses”, and the first single off the new Both Sides of the Gun album, “Better Way.” Both songs burned with an excitement that made you realize that they were truly loving every minute up on stage.
I’ve seen Ben Harper five times now, and each experience has been entirely original and unique, but nothing if not extraordinary each time. Keep an eye out - he loves coming to BC and hits us quite often. It’s worth every second. *
Andrew Wilmot
HOSTEL (2005)
Violence in movies takes on many forms. It can be used as a tool to propel the story such as David Cronenberg’s ‘A History of Violence’, which asks whether one can hide from a violent past, or is violence an inescapable reality?
A film can be a story about how violence is used to gain something, as in war or as revenge. ‘Munich’ studies how the Israeli use of violence in reprisal to violent acts against its citizenry, only perpetuates the cycle. Or it can be a story about how vile and violent humans can be. There is little doubt that human beings can be unspeakably violent towards one another. ‘Hotel Rwanda’ and any Second World War holocaust film will attest to that. Then there are films such as ‘Hostel’ a film that portrays humans torturing innocent young travelers but offers no insight into the motivations towards participating in these bloody acts.
In the opening scenes, we meet two young American college buddies,Paxton (Jay Hernandez) and Josh (Derek Richardson). They are hanging in an Amsterdam coffee house, happily puffing on a marijuana stoked hookah and talking sex. In fact, drugs and sex are their only topics of conversation.
Oli (Eythor Gudjonsson), a new friend from Iceland who shares their obsession for drugs and sex, accompanies them on their travels. A wild-eyed East European named Alex (Lubomir Bukovy) tells the three backpackers of a hostel where the girls are plentiful and sex starved. Before you can say horny and stupid, they’re on a train to a small, out-of-the-way Slovakian village.
At this hostel, they do meet lovely promiscuous women and then, mysteriously, Oli and then Josh disappear. If it weren’t for Paxton stumbling into a utility room afterbeing drugged at the disco, he’d have disappeared too. His search for his friends leads him to discover a place where young travelers are subjected to relentlessly gruesome
acts of torture.
I’ll not expose more of the very slim plot in the chance that you’ll bother to see this film. The story line is very linear and the only questions in my mind whilst watching the film were; will Paxton be subjected to the same fate? If so, will he escape or will he die? Did I care?
The characters themselves are very flat. There is no character development during the course of the story, no redemption, nor significant life lessons to be learned. They’re fun guys but we really don’t care about them. The violence is graphic and gratuitous and there is no explanation as to why the people torturing the young travelers perform these inhuman acts. One of them explains that he was not allowed to attend medical school and so he now tortures and performs ‘operations’ to fulfill his medical desires. (Okay, that explains everything) I had fleeting thoughts of what I’d do trapped in this situation but that’s the sum total of my involvement in the action of this film.
As the lead character, Paxton shows some heart in trying to save a Japanese girl as he attempts to escape this hell. But his acts of revenge at the end of the film are equally mystifying. Has he turned into the monster he is trying to escape?
On the plus side, the acting by the three travelers is very good, given the limitations of the script. And the cinematography is outstanding.
If you are fixing for a decent horror flick, rent ‘The Cell’ with Jennifer Lopez. This is a story about a serial killer done with a stylish, otherworldly flair. Or ‘A History of Violence’ with Viggo Mortensen. And, if you want to see a master storyteller’s take on this genre, rent director Julie Taymor’s ‘Titus.’ It’s a film of the play written by an obscure olde English writer, William Shakespeare.
It tells the story of Titus Andronicus, one of Shakespeare’s most vicious and vile characters.
One star out of Five.
Running Time: 1 hr. 35 minutes
MUNICH (2005)
"Every civilization finds it necessary to negotiate compromises with its own values.” These words are spoken by Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meir (Lynn Cohen) to her cabinet who are meeting to plot a response to the massacre of Israeli athletes and coaches at the 1972 Munich Olympics.
In this intense drama, director Steven Spielberg asks whether the cycle of revenge and violence is the compromise of values that can successfully bring peace to the troubled Middle East.
Although Spielberg is Jewish, he clearly takes no side in the debate and presents both the events in Munich and the response by Israel with cold precision.
Eric Bana (The Incredible Hulk) stars as Avner, an Israeli agent who is seconded to lead a five-man squad whose secret task is to assassinate the eleven men deemed responsible for the attack in Munich.
They will operate under extreme cover and few in government know of their existence or their whereabouts. This process of extermination covers many European and Middle Eastern locales and lasts over a period of two years. During this time, Avner must be separate from his wife (Ayelet Zurer) who is pregnant and who also does not know of his mission or his whereabouts. It is only through short telephone conversations that they maintain contact. It is Avner’s growing discomfort with the fact that the cycle of violence is increasing with each kill, and not diminishing, that anchors the main theme of this film. Geoffrey Rush plays Ephraim, the sole liaison between the government and the assassination squad. There are moments of edge-of-your-seat terror. In one scene, a little girl, who had left for school, returns home briefly. The telephone rings, a phone rigged to trigger an explosion that is meant to kill her father. Will she answer the phone? This underlies the fact that this was not a team of assasins who used spotting rifles to knock off their targets from afar.
Each assassination had to be planned in minute detail and take into account the neighbourhood, the innocent bystanders and even family members. In their attempt to be humane, the unpredictability of their craft was a factor in the success or failure of each mission.
The team (Daniel Craig, Hanns Zischler, Mathieu Kassovitz and Ciaran Hinds) are not hardened military professionals. There is a poet, a watch-maker and an intellectual and each offers a different spin on their reasons for involvement in this deadly game. This is a moving portrait on the underlying violence of the Israeli and Palestinian situation. Spielberg has crafted a film that is not afraid to confront the serious questions that surround the explosive issues. Spielberg succeeds in humanizing this inhuman process and also makes it very clear that there is no glory in killing. A most telling sequence of the depreciation of basic human values is near the end of the film.
Avner has moved his family to Brooklyn, and meets Ephrahim. Avner invites his liaison to break bread with his family on the Sabbath. This is a tradition in Jewish culture signifying kinship with Jewish people and their long history, family and thankfulness for the gifts of food and love. “Isn’t that what Jews do?” asks Avner.Ephraim just walks away, signifying the true depth of the coldness necessary to participate in this most deadly game. Spielberg offers no solutions. He reports with an icy passion that takes no prisoners. This is an excellent film but be forewarned: the film has many scenes of violence and the mood is relentlessly tense throughout.
Four out of Five Stars
Running time: 164 minutes.
THE PRODUCERS (2005)
In 1968, Mel Brooks wrote and directed one of his best comedies, The Producers. That film starred Zero Mostel as the flamboyant, unsuccessful Broadway producer Max Bialystock and Gene Wilder as the bright, neurotic accountant Leo Bloom. If you have seen the original film, it is easy to make comparisons but this is sheer folly. Though the stories parallel in structure, they are different films. The first film is a narrative comedy. The second is a musical. Both have their strengths and weaknesses.
The 2005 edition was first commissioned as a Broadway musical which has won 12 Tony awards. Nathan Lane as Max and Matthew Broderick as Leo reprise their Broadway roles for this film and their chemistry, their schtick, is obviously honed from doing the Broadway show together. They are a delight to watch.
It’s a simple story. Leo Bloom arrives at Max’s office to do the accounting and off-handedly explains that to make real money on Broadway, you find investors to provide huge money for what will be a sure-fire flop.After the show opens and closes on the first night, you pocket any money not invested and flee to Brazil.
Mel Brooks not only co-wrote the screenplay, he wrote all of the music and it’s quite good. This musical has all of the excesses and exaggerations of character and style that you expect from Brooks. The characters are campy and over-the-top. The sets and costumes are sometimes elaborate and fun. For example, during their Broadway Show there is a performance for the song ‘Springtime for Hitler,’ where dance girls wear bratwurst and pretzel headpieces and the chorus girls form an all-singing, all-dancing Busby Berkeley swastika.
Max’s mainsource of funding is lonely little old ladies and the dance number with Max and the old gals dancing with their walkers is goofy fun. And the ‘Keep It Gay’ number is the kind of outrage you’d expect from Mel Brooks.
In ‘The Producers’ you’ll find that the characters are driven by greed and engage cheerfully in shameful sexual behavior. Underlying this storyline is a deep cynicism about show business.
The supporting cast is outstanding. Uma Thurman appears as the sultry Swedish actress and sex goddess Ulla, Watch for Will Ferrell singing and dancing his way to the Broadway stage as the Nazi playwright Franz Leibkind. Gary Beach is the cross-dressing director Chris de Bris, and Roger Bart plays Carmen Ghia, the ‘common-law’ assistant to the director.
It’s a little surprising that the show’s choreographer, Susan Stroman, directed the film. Mel Brooks has been directing film for over 30 years. Stroman’s effort features too many fixed camera shots and choppy editing, especially in the musical numbers.
At over two hours, the film was too long. This is mostly attributed to the length of the many musical numbers and an ending that wouldn’t quit. Some of the musical numbers did not advance the story and were just more demonstrations of the talent of Lane and Broderick. The film would have been perfect at a tight 90 minutes.
If you do see this film, there’s a short musical number after the credits. It’s worth the wait and the chuckle. Best see it with a group of friends.
Three out of Five stars.
Running time: 129 minutes. *
Allan Stanleigh
SINNER & SAINT DISCUSS HALLMARK SYNDROME...
sinner :Wow! What a BUSY month we have ahead of us. Aside from the regular “stuff” - you know, work… or school… stuff for the kids, pets, parents, friends…. There are just a TON of holidays to consider as well.
I’m sure that everyone is already aware that Father’s Day falls in the month of June, following quickly on the tail of Mother’s Day. This is a day to celebrate your father, step father, male mentor… whoever fits the role. While you may have gone shopping at The Bombay Company or bought a gift certificate for the spa last month, you will now find yourself in the power tool aisle, perhaps at Home Depot, feverishly trying to decide between all of the options that the store has so thoughtfully laid out and put on sale for just this occasion.
But it doesn’t end here. In the month of June alone, there is also World Turtle Day to consider, along with World No-Tobacco Day, World Sea Turtle Day (a separate day altogether from Turtle Day), International Day of the African Child, World Day to Combat Desertification & Drought, World Refugee Day and International Day Against Drug Abuse & Trafficking. However, my personal favorite (by leaps and bounds) has to be International Day in Support of Victims of Torture. It isn’t that I know anyone personally who has been tortured, unless you were to include the break up of a love affair, loud neighbor sex (double points for this occurring while in the midst of a break up) or pulling out of the drive thru only to discover that they put mayo and onions on your burger after you specifically asked them not to. No, it isn’t of personal significance at all to me. I just happen to find the philosophy of this particular day to be of interest. On June 26, torture victims everywhere will be commemorated and “the voice against the use of torture is raised all over the world”. Apparently, this is a day when “thousands of people take to the streets to say NO to torture”.
I don’t ever remember saying YES, but I suppose that is really not the point.
The point, actually, is that there are just too many frigging “days” that we have to remember and or observe in order to be a card carrying member of our PC culture. While days such as Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and even Valentine’s Day (my personal favorite) serve a real purpose – it is the “Universal and International Infinity Day” (August 8) type events that
throw my into a tizzy. When Hallmark isn’t even making cards for the occasion, you know that it’s gotten out of control.
My suggestion then is that we are allowed 3 “personal occasions” per calendar year. Much the same as vacation floater days at work, each individual should be allowed to create, celebrate and inflict a holiday on the people closest to them. Just imagine – you arrive to work on a Thursday only to find Pamela from accounting walking around in a Hula skirt, greeting employees with “Happy I want a Hawaiian vacation day! We will all celebrate by dropping $5 into my jar!!” In reality, is this any different than being asked to contribute to a birthday, going away or even leaving the company present?? It is exactly the same, with just “that much” more enthusiasm from Pamela. The next day, it could be Jimmy’s turn to come to work with his wife’s picture on a dart board to celebrate “my wife cheated with the pizza delivery man” day. Everyone would get 5 darts on donation and then the money would go towards a good divorce lawyer.
After all, it’s the personal touch that we are missing from the days that we currently mark on our calendars. You see, it isn’t that the turtles or snakes or even giraffes of the world don’t deserve their own day of special recognition. It is just more specific and relevant to celebrate the people around us with as much enthusiasm as we give bunny rabbits, leprechauns and other Hallmark Holidays.
Now get off the sofa, grab your wallet and go pick out something pretty for International Lefthanders Day. *
Jody Winder
saint: In between emails for penis enlargement surgery and horny housewives, a junk email appeared in my box for a once in a lifetime fathers’ day gift. Unknowingly, the time had crept up on me, the time every year in which I inevitably forget to get my dad anything and then mail him a card three days late – thus, postmarked four days late – and then guffaw about the snail’s pace when mailing a letter across the border. That time.
My father and I are rather distant. While this began purely as his fault, in Harry-Chapin-Cat’s-In-the-Cradle-style, it has now become something that I perpetuate.
Even then, I often growl at how impossible my father is to shop for. We have opposing tastes when it comes to middle-aged men’s clothing (I prefer nice, well-tailored suits and slacks; he often goes for the sweat pants and t-shirt he got for free at his last convention look). He is also quite loaded. So, generally speaking, everything he really wants he already has.
So should I take advantage of the once in a lifetime e-mail offer and get my dad that indestructible, totally durable 188-piece tool kit of his dreams (complete with lifetime guarantee? Fuck that.
While I understand the importance of celebrating my mother and my father (if they hadn’t been so moved by that Carpenter’s song…), I have a real hard time believing that I need to spend money to celebrate that. The same goes for Christmas. Every year, when the 25th of December rolls around, I find myself struggling to justify exactly why I am shelling out hundreds of dollars worth of presents on the false birthday (he was most likely born around November 17th) of a religious icon from a religion that I don’t even practice!
Now, I’m not a cheap guy. I love to buy things for other people, and, when that fateful Xmas season comes along, I really do like to go all out. What worries me though is where this material lust comes from. Why is the monetary value of a gift I give so important?
I really think it comes from spending and entire lifetime in a commercial prison. As soon as we can talk, as kids, we are asking for things. At first, our requests are for things we actually need. Basic needs: food, water, sleep. Gradually though, our requests are warped by what we see on television, hear on the radio, read in magazines, or see at school. We then begin to WANT things. Transformer lunch kits, overly distressed jeans, rubber charity bracelets. We really, quite quickly, become a culture of materialists.
I suppose this isn’t all bad. After all, people do need to buy stuff for people to be able to sell stuff, and people sell stuff to make a living, but do we really need to make everything about the swag? My latest venture is to try to only buy people experiences. Spa trips, concert tickets, dinner dates. If you can’t beat ‘em; join ‘em. I figure that it is better to give someone an experience, something that they will remember for a long time to come, than to give them another useless item that spends half its life in their cupboard and the other half in their garage.
So the next time you’re trying to decide what to get your secretary on Secretary’s Day, contemplating what to buy for your Irish friend on Saint Patrick’s Day, or attempting to find a gift for your grandfather on Veteran’s Day, remember: nothing lasts longer than a memory.
Except maybe that 188-piece tool kit. *
Joel Gook
Book of Longing by Leonard Cohen
List price $32.99
The man… The myth… The monk?
Born in Montreal, Leonard Cohen led an artistic life and career that has included poetry, singing, and songwriting. He was a poet first, publishing his first book Let us Compare Mythologies in 1956. He achieved immense success throughout his career and wished to retire and lead a peaceful Zen Buddhist life. However, after discovering that his trusted accountant and friend had embezzled over $8.4 million from him personally as well as mismanaging his accounts into bankruptcy he knew that this would not be a possibility. To refund his own retirement, Cohen was forced to produce more work. So came Book of Longing.
Book of Longing is a fresh collection of poetry and drawings created when Leonard Cohen was on Mt. Baldy, in LA, Montreal, and Mumbai. There is a highly sexual and dryly passionate tone that adorns each page of this collection. There is also heavy emphasis on the exploration of the subjectivity of religion. The intermingling of sex and religion (or enlightenment) depicts a subtle yet poignant struggle that invades this collection.
The written portion ranges from prose poems to songs that reverberate a feeling of sardonic nostalgia. Many of them discuss his inability to become enlightened while at Mt. Baldy because due to his need for cigarettes or sex. Cohen is short, dry, and honest in his poetry.
If you don’t enjoy poetry then buy the book for its artwork. The sketches of an old man are intriguing and share the candor of the sketches of a brooding teenager. His visual-textual pieces offer reflection that offer the viewer a glimpse into his creative process; it’s a treat.
To know that Cohen produced this collection out of necessity only adds to its brilliance. The direct reflection expressed in this book is clearly not a conscious commodity rush written for the buyer. It conversely bleeds of personal writing for oneself. We are lucky as readers to have this glimpse into Cohen’s journals. In the end all I can say is God bless mismanaged accounting. *
C.S.
Photo : www.harpercollins.com
The Baby Merchant by Kit Reed Welcome to the future. Homeland Security has closed down America’s borders, even to parents just going overseas to adopt a baby. Woman find that the combination of waiting too long to try to conceive , the accumulation of pollution’s effects on their bodies, and the stresses of high paying careers, has owered their chances of ever getting pregnant. Babies are in high demand and the supply of them is dwindling. Children become such a precious commodity that the government and nervous parents team up to have all babies born implanted with a chip to keep track of them.
Meet Tom Starbird. Once you’ve reached the last of your fertility treatment options, and been turned down by every state adoption agency, he’s the man who, for the right price, can find the baby of your dreams. As long as you have the money to pay for one, that is. But don’t call him a baby stealer or kidnapper. Starbird sees himself as a kind of progeny Robin Hood. He takes kids from the parents who don’t really (he thinks) want them - the parents with seven or eight grubby little kids already. If you don’t think enough of your child to get him chipped, Starbird figures you’re asking to have him stolen. But deep down he’s not a bad guy. He screens his potential parents probably even more vigorously then the state agencies do.
Into this mix comes Sasha, a young art student about to give birth, who is on the run from a meddling Grandmother and a stalkerish ex. And don’t forget Jake Zorn, driven to have a child at any cost. When Starbird turns him down, Zorn threatens to expose his dirty business. In The Baby Merchant these three characters are about to collide.
The Baby Merchant is fast paced , suspenseful, and pretty damn snappy. The style is kind of like something a more mature, and thoughtful, Chuck Palahniuk might write- minus the shock factor. It is somehow very intelligent, disturbing, and entertaining all at the same time. Reed tells the story from all three main character’s point of view, and like in real life you discover there are no out and out bad guys, and no superheroes. Even the extremely unlikeable Jake Zorn comes across as more misguided then flat out evil. These characters are as real as it gets, and you find yourself, in some small way rooting for all of them, even though you know that for any one character to get what they want means the doom of the rest.
This is the type of story that stays with you. Set in the very near future, it is chilling when you realize how close we are to seeing Kit Reed’s world become our reality. *
Renee Mallett
Moving Sucks - but Shopping Doesn’t
I consider myself to be a bit of an expert on moving. I’ve moved a grand total of 14 times in the past 6 years. I hate everything about it, from the downsizing of my beloved collectibles, to the piercing sound of packing tape, to the crabby guy at the U-Haul counter. I’ve gotten in the habit of rewarding myself at the end of the move by buying a few new things to decorate my new house; often things that I left behind so that I would have an excuse to shop. Because of this, I have been in the habit of buying what’s cheap and cheerful, and I have learned some of the best places to get my goodies.
I never take any of the shelves I’ve put up, rarely take my exotic condiments (unless of course they were really tasty), and never ever under any circumstance take the bathroom mats (I don’t care how expensive they were, it just seems wrong to contaminate my new place with old dirt). I love to buy shoe racks. I don’t know what it is with me, I don’t ever seem to use them (just ask my boyfriend who shouts profanities at me when he trips over my dainty heels strewn in the doorway). I am obsessed with buying cushy toilet seats, with the pretty embroidery on them (ok, eww, as if I’m gonna sit on someone else’s bum grime, clean yes, germ no!), and feel the need to buy new spatulas with every move (I have at least 5, 2 burned, 1 half melted and 2 in proper working condition).
So what do you really need once you are freshly moved in? Where should you go to get your goodies? If someone else is buying, please take me to Ming Wo, or Kitchen Works. Unfortunately, I have no wedding planned therefore no registry, meaning I’m the one paying!!
Here is my list of things to buy:
1. Relaxation scented candles
2. Comfy slippers
3. High Quality sheets
4. Bathroom carpets
5. Cushy toilet seats
6. Nice painting
7. Utensil
8. Alarm clock
9. Shampoo and Conditioner
10. Broom and mop
There are so many places out there to buy pretty much everything on this list, but don’t worry; I have narrowed it down for you! There are a few stores that I feel really have all the products you need under one roof. Just in case you like the thrill of the hunt, I’ve list a few you can buy selected items at.
I personally LOVE Linen’s & Things and Home Outfitters. These are quasi high-end big box stores that tend to have practical things for every taste. The scented candle section is fantastic, but it’s the bedroom stuff hat gets me. I always seem to find great deals on 500 thread count+ sheets, and nice bathroom mats and towels. I bought a fantastic painting on sale for less than 50 bucks too! You may ask why I have alarm clock written down. Have you bought a new alarm clock recently? Did you know that you can wake up to a rolling ocean or a midnight storm? For the love of God, I have been startled out of my slumber by a screeching beep for far too long! The range of alarm clock types are mind boggling too, have fun setting them off, you’ll drive the stock boy crazy!
IKEA is another one of my favorites picks. IKEA, need I say more? If you can get over the horrible radio ads, which cause me speak with a hideous Swedish accent, it is by far the best bang for your buck. I hate to sound like an ad for them, but honestly, I bought pretty much my entire houses’ furnishings there, including my bamboo untensils. A word of warning however, the only stuff that matches IKEA stuff is IKEA stuff! That’s right, its like a conspiracy or something, they seem to be the only ones who have that particular shade of oak, pine, white and black furniture. So, if you don’t mind being a slave to the Sweeds, how about the all mighty multinational corporations?
Walmart; everything you need for cheap. Seriously, you can furnish an entire house, spiff up your wardrobe, do your groceries and get your eye glasses fixed. I just hate the fact that everything is mass produced; however when they want to sell me a cute little purse I wasn’t shopping for while buying my cushy toilet seat, I’m not complaining!
If you are in the mood for a drive, just nip over the border to my ABSOLUTE favorite store, Target. Try and class it up by calling it Taarrgeh, but no matter what you do, its got awesome house wares, bathroom goodies and great fashions. You want candles, they got em, you want slippers, got them too. And what about shampoo? Yep, you guessed it, you’
ll find it there!
For me, slippers are hard to find, because I am picky. I like the obnoxiously big fuzzy shaped ones. I buy mine at Claires, it’s an accessory chain with cheap crap all made in china. Nothing in the stores costs more than 9$ and there are enough colors, glitters and do-dads to give you sensory overload (buyer beware).
My last favorite place is a classic. Shoppers Drugmart. It has been bleeding my wallet dry for years. They’ve got everything you need in a drugstore and more. Tend to buy my household cleaning products, brooms, mops buckets etc. Most of them have post offices too, so while you’re there, you can change your address (which by the way will cost you a whopping 55$, which I feel is completely INSANE!).
If you like to shop, and you like to get deals, all of these stores will impress you. Sure you may have to sift through the leave behinds of hasty shoppers, or wade through the throngs of people looking for a bargain just like you, but if you tough it out, your efforts will be rewarded! Good luck and happy shopping. *
Lisa Powell
Art by Jason Willmann (c) 2006
BUFF, BRAINS and CLOSET SPACE
My top ten hottest male fashion icons!
You know, when I got this assignment my first thought was, “Wow. Now that is going to be a challenging and difficult list. Scouring endless pages of gorgeous men and compiling a list of my favorites.” Of course, that was right before I almost gave my editor a big, fat kiss!
And now, here we are. Out of hundreds of contenders, we have whittled our way down to only ten. The best. The snazziest. The ones who bring ‘cool’ to a whole new level. These guys may or may not be your personal choices, but they redefine fashion and stay true to themselves. That wins the ‘cool’ award in my books!
1. Adam Brody Yes, that’s right. Comic book loving, Playstation battling Seth Cohen. Adam Brody plays skinny, nerdy guy like nobody’s business. But underneath that awkward exterior…yep, he’s still an adorable little geek. He dresses like my boyfriend from back in grade 9, and I keep expecting to bump into him at the next Death Cab show. That said, when was the last time you saw a celeb wear a band shirt under a suit jacket? ‘Nuff said…..
2. Johnny Depp Like a strange and wary chameleon, our Johnny changes his colors at every turn. Just when you think you know the guy, he turns into another crazy character and blows your perceptions out of the water. And I’m only talking about off-screen, people! Johnny Depp has been around longer than some of us here on staff, and he is still going strong. If anyone could sway my vote based on originality and not giving a crap about what people think, this would be the man. I can’t even tell you what I like most about his fashion sense, because it hasn’t stood still long enough! Kudos, J.
3. Michael Ealy Surprisingly, this fine young lad is still relatively unknown. But expect that to change, as his talent is undeniable. On a purely threads-related level, the guy is as smooth as an R&B tune at midnight in a smoky club. Purely upper crust wardrobe plus 100% sex appeal equals a new fashion sensation in Michael Ealy.
4. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers In the ever-wise words of one Zoolander, this guy is so very “ridiculously good looking!” Now, I normally don’t go for any man that is prettier than me. But, in Jonathan’s case, we make exceptions. This guy has better style sense than most supermodels, probably because he has been seen at a photo shoot or two. He’s brave with cut and color, and it is fabulous to see a man that can stand out in a crowd. Plus, have you seen this face? *sigh*
5. Tom Welling It’s a bird, it’s a plane…yes, it’s that guy from ‘Smallville’ and he scorches this fashionista’s 3D goggles with just a glance. I have never seen the ‘clean and simple’ look carried off with such smoke and heat. Tom makes our hearts go pit-pat with just a crisp, white t-shirt. And it’s that classic appeal that gets this guy onto the radar and this list.
6. Wilmer Valderrama Ok, so this guy has a bit of a creepy obsession with dating under-aged teen poplets. But, c’mon….it’s Fez! And you have got to admit that Wilmer always looks like he spent more time on his wardrobe than on his latest girlfriend. Wilmer rolls with Rodeo Drive, baby, and it shows. The ‘Look at my Bling’ points fall straight to Fez on this one.
7. Milo Ventimiglia Show me a man who can pull off a jean jacket, and still look good, and I will show you a true ‘artiste de mode’! Milo has so far only appeared in some smaller pieces, but we do hope to see more of him. He moves from jeans and a tee to dinner tux faster than Jimmy Choo’s into my closet! Expect to see this cutie on more red carpets very soon...
8. Usher Raymond From hit singles to his very own clothing line, Usher has been burning up the runways and the dance floors for some time now. Never seen without a completely funked out ensemble (although often seen without his shirt on!) Usher struts onto this girl’s top ten list on pure confidence and drive alone!
9. Dwayne " The Rock" Johnson And if you don’t agree, he’ll kick your ass, so there! My crush on Dwayne has been a long time cookin’, and not just because of rippling muscles or rock hard abs. Honest. I swear it! But this guy is the real deal, sweethearts. Sweet and charming, friendly to his fans. And, sigh, a great dresser! Add to that his flexibility as shown in varying roles and characters (get your mind out of the gutter!) and this guy is pure gold. Plus, who else makes a blazer look hot???
10. Matthew McConaughey And you wonder why they call him the ‘Sexiest Man Alive’? Sheesh, it almost hurts to look at him. And yet, this cowboy is most at home in worn out boots and a faded pair of denims. So, why is he on this list? Because, while he cleans up nice when he has to, he holds his ground the rest of the time and remains real. No ‘dressing up to run to Starbucks’ for this guy. What you see is what you get. And we sure don’t mind looking! *
Bonnie Lynn
E3 2006: Summary
Well, it’s here. The Summer lull. While this is the biggest cash grab of the year for the film industry, the videogame industry takes more after television than anything else. This is the time of the year when very few games make it to stores, and even fewer that are actually worth your hard-earned cash. Most companies finish rolling out their a-list and b-list material at the end of the Spring, waiting for the Autumn and the holiday shopping disaster to start once again before blessing us with anything worthwhile. It’s a shame too, since the summer is when so many could use a great game as an escape from the blistering heat (okay, so we’re not quite there yet, but dammit, July will be hot!).
But there is one item of note this time of year: E3. The annual Electronic Entertainment Expo held in Los Angeles every May. Running from May 8th to May 12th, E3 is the biggest show of the year outside of the Fall Tokyo Game Show, and is the most widely used platform for any announcements coming down the pipeline. The show is always a huge event, but this year proved a bit bigger than most.
While Microsoft’s Xbox 360 has been in stores since late last year, Sony and Nintendo used E3 to reveal the final specs and details regarding their upcoming systems - the Playstation 3 and the Nintendo Wii (pronounced “We” - stop making pee jokes already). Both systems are expected out in November (Nintendo just giving the month while Sony giving the exact date - November 17th) and are expected to level the next-generation playing field with Microsoft in their own respective ways.
What was most interesting about this show versus past years, is that none of the big three companies feels the same. Every other year, each system feels within a stone’s throw of one another with only marginal differences between them (better graphics/sound, hard drive space, etc.) We’ve already been privy to the early capabilities of the Xbox 360,
and while it has failed to wow many, it’s second generation software seems poised to kick ass, especially when taken into consideration just how slick and sweet the Xbox Live system is for online play. That is easily Microsoft’s golden ticket, and with Halo 3 and Grand Theft Auto 4 announced at the show, they seem in good stead to continue where the
previous generation left off.
Opposite Microsoft is the 800 lb. Gorilla - Sony. The Playstation 3, while most likely going to kick some serious ass, is the superficial teen in the group - taking a little from everyone without having an original thought in it’s head. They’ve got the prettiest graphics and the best sound. Following the current trend, they’ve created a wireless controller - looking nearly identical to the previous dual shock used for the Playstation 2. Taking a hit from Microsoft, they’ve created their own online arena (although specifics are still up in the air) and will be releasing two configurations of the system on November 17th - one with a 20 gig hard drive and another with a 60 gig drive, and all for the paltry sum of - wait for it - around 670 Canadian. Fuck. The biggest slap in the face, though, is the revelation of a limited motion sensor controller. What sucks about this is that it is clearly derived directly from the design that Nintendo revealed some time ago for their upcoming child. Games for the PS3 are, without a doubt, stunning. But it’s fair to say that two titles stole the floor at the show - Metal Gear Solid 4 and Final Fantasy XIII. Both are slated to be Playstation 3 exclusives and looked absolutely amazing in every possible way.
The biggest surprise of the show though was the underdog in all of this - Nintendo. Once the most dominant force in the industry, Nintendo has been relegated to a distant third for the past couple of generations due to the risks they’ve taken. Well, their penchant for risks seems primed to pay off at last as the Wii was easily the talk of the show. With a lineup stretching for about 4 hours for just a few minutes of playtime, people were willing to do anything to get their hands on the funky new motion sensor control system. From demos to screwing around on the show floor, the possibilities inherent in this thing are limitless. Not to mention their online strategy, which will have every Nintendo, Sega and Turbografix 16 game available for download on the system, many right at launch, and you already have the biggest and in some ways best launch lineup in history (so many classics, so little time). And in all of this, they announced that a Wii version of the Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess and Metroid Prime 3: Corruption will also be available at launch, with Super Mario Galaxy and Smash Brothers Brawl available soon after. In other words, you have 4 of their most successful franchises coming out with months of a system launch. Most companies can only hope for that kind of luck. They came out swinging this time around and it showed.
All in all, a very interesting show, especially seeing the resurgence of Nintendo after such a long absence at the top. It may not have the best graphics of the three, but damned if it doesn’t have the most potential. It’s a good time to be a gamer. Just start saving your pennies. *
Andrew Wilmot
OVEN BAKED COOKIE
EVANGELINE LILLY
I loved Lost from the the first time I saw it – and that s back in the day when they were talking about canceling , yes even before YOU knew about it.
I saw Evangeline Lilly and holy smokes! We all know I love dark hair and light eyes but it wasn’t just the looks that made her hot, it was her character Kate .The tomboyish ‘ I can do it too!’ type in an unannoying way – which is rare.
Unfortunately I saw her on Leno a few weeks ago and she really is a tomboy… in an annoying way. Plus she just gave a bad interview. Very foot in your mouthish. I' ll never forget those first nights on that island though. Ahhh.
Oh yeah, she' s Canadian did you know?*