ISS 6 (2006) JULY 5 - JULY 19
In this issue : Nathan Sellyn talks about his new book, Sinner & Saint discuss commercialism, Bonnie Lynn lists the TOP most annoying celebrities, We talk about who should keep the mutual friends after a break-up and lots more!
Green Day, American Idiot (punk/pop)
It’s been almost two years since Green Day unleashed their seventh album upon the world. Following a slow period filled with a greatest hits album (International Superhits!), a B-sides album (Shenanigans), and an album that wasn’t quite as successful as they’d have liked it to be (Warning), the punk trio had their work cut out for them if they wanted to regain the success of their golden Dookie years. Despite the pressure, Green Day decided to take a bit of a risk, creating an album that turned out to be a rock opera. After 92 weeks in the charts, a whole slew of awards chucked in their direction, and over 5.6 million copies sold worldwide, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the risk paid off in the end.
The album itself features a more developed feel to it than anything Green Day has released to date. Though the mid-thirty-year-old members chose a teenager dubbed Jesus of Suburbia to be their main subject, maintaining a Blink182-esque refusal to age beyond 19, the sound is less snot-nosed punk, smothered instead in creamy ballad richness that results in a maturity beyond their adolescent topic.
The intriguing thing about this album is, although the four singles (“American Idiot”, “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”, “Holiday”, and “Wake Me Up When September Ends”) have stood firmly and successfully on their own, listening to the album as a whole gives them a completely different feel. As the saga of Jesus and his angst-filled revolt against society progresses through the album, each song runs smoothly into the next, with the shifts seeming no less natural than the scene changes presented in the supposed opera. This doesn’t mean the format is all the same, however. The album is fairly eclectic, with a couple nine minute songs even switching their overall sound around four times before they’re through, and most of the shorter songs changing tempo or style at least once as well. However, what would be a rag-tag bunch of tunes in any other album is actually held together by the storyline of the punk-rock opera, lending it a fluidity that would not seem possible otherwise.
Songs like “St. Jimmy” and “She’s a Rebel” do manage to show a bit of the classic Green Day spark that we’ve come to know and love, with a good hearty punk beat and snarling guitars matching Billie Joe Armstrong’s signature growl. For the most part, however, American Idiot should not be mistaken as conventional Green Day. The concept may have been risky, but this punk-rock opera is actually worth a second look. Not that this is news…5.6 million people can’t ALL be wrong.
Price: $12.96
Nelly Furtado, Loose (Pop/R&B)
In her last album, Folklore, Victoria’s poster-girl got in touch with her roots, taking influence from her Portuguese heritage (among other things) to create a collection of songs that were all over the map. The results weren’t quite as marketable as she might have liked them to be, selling around one fourth of what her explosive debut sold worldwide. Perhaps this is why for the recording of Loose, Furtado relocated to Miami, switching her point of focus from the roots she explored in Folklore to the shallows of the dance floor.
With renowned hip-hop guru Timbaland playing a key roll in the album, producing the majority of the tracks and appearing in the first single, “Promiscuous”, the album is for the most part less concerned with making an emotional impact than it is with finding the sexiest rhythm for clubbers to grind to. The first four tracks in particular feature the gorgeously airtight beats seen in most of Timbaland’s previous work. While “Promiscuous” and “Maneater” (the first single for the UK) veer boldly off the regular Nelly path, they are catchy and clever in their own right, and will probably get more play time than Britney’s “Toxic”, circa 2004.
By the fifth song, “No Hay Iguel” kicks the hip-hop influence of the start of the album to the curb, replacing it with a clattering Latino rhythm that’ll get the asses shaking. Though songs like “Say It Right” grant a moment of revival for the club beats, the majority of the second half of Loose slows things down, with the more melodious “In God’s Hands” allowing Furtado’s unique voice to shine through.
The final song (before the two bonus songs), “All Good Things”, is a perfect blend of both genres, taking a hushed beat and winding it through folky instrumentals in perfect harmony, while the vocals sway easily along. Despite Chris Martin’s vocals being removed at the last minute, his influence is heavily felt through the Coldplay-esque chorus. Though it probably wouldn’t make a great single, it’s a beautiful little song nonetheless.
While it is easy to dismiss Loose at first as a symbol that Furtado has sold out to the same machine that pimped out Jewel, once listened to it shows that it is merely a continuation of the eclectic pattern she has shown in her former albums, if only in a different direction. Though original Furtado fans might not find it overall as listenable as the more melodious tunes of her past, Loose shows Furtado in her element: trying something new and going all out for it.
Price: $9.97
Keane, Under the Iron Sea, (Alternative/ Soft-Rock)
In 2004, Keane showed the world that you don’t need a guitar to make a sensation in the world of Rock. Using primarily a piano, a drum kit, the odd base and keyboard work, and powerful voice, the trio from East Sussex broke through the rock stereotypes with their epic debut, Hopes and Fears. Two years later, it is time to see whether their formula can find a repeat success in Under the Iron Sea, their second album that debuted at #4 in the US, and #1 in the UK.
The album offers a similar style to their last, filled with stirring piano chords, dynamic yet subtle beats, and the moving voice of lead singer Tom Chaplin that made their previous work so remarkable. Beyond that, however, the album has a more shadowy feel to it. It opens with the thoughtful “Atlantic”, a track that is thick with echoing keyboard, making it at once dark and whimsical, like the woods in a storybook. The feisty single, “Is It Any Wonder”, shatters through the murkiness with a spunky keyboard riff that smacks of early U2, as anxious lyrics and a lively tempo get the heart
moving. It is by far the most energetic track of the album, with the majority of the other songs leaning towards the tone of “Atlantic”.“Hamburg Song” slows things right down, using only a faint organ/accordion combination to supplement the effectiveness of Chaplin’s gentle pleas and the piano notes. This minimalist approach contrasts sharply to the rest of the album, where every gap is so musically filled that the ears are drowned in luxurious sensation. “Try Again” has you practically floating through the clouds on its dreamlike chorus and verses, while “Frog Prince” dives head first into the heretofore hinted fairytale mood with a chorus that swoops and soars like a Disney bluebird.
Under the Iron Sea shows that Keane is up to the challenge of round two with the gun-slingers of the music scene. While they might not be as adrenaline-pumping as other bands, the album has a certain energy that is far more moving than a galloping beat or a frenzied guitar.
Price: $15.99
Joanna McIntyre
WHO : Bif Naked
WHEN : May 19th
WHERE: Commodore Ballroom
Bif Naked played the Commodore Ballroom having just finished her most recent American tour. Actually the more accurate description would be Bif Naked ripped up the Commodore Ballroom at her most recent show in Vancouver. To describe Bif’s live performance as anything less than polished would be a mistake. As a resident veteran in independent music for more than 15 years, Bif Naked is a study in progression. For the uninitiated, May 19th was a full throttle introduction to her current incarnation as Rock Diva. Having selected a dozen and a half songs from her catalogue that lend themselves nicely to turning up the volume, Bif aced through a set list that left the near-capacity crowd roaring for more. More, more, more.
More of her tattooed gym-hard body emerging in all directions from a silver satin one piece that shimmied around her like a flag in the breeze as she marched the stage; Bif is beautiful and wears her coy smile as the saucy accessory to a stage presence that is half and half cutie-patutie and kick your ass sass. There is an element of classy seduction to her live performance that is independent of the music; tango to the eyes and a knock out punch to the ears.
More of her stage banter and between-song raps. She’s friendly, and when she wasn’t being backed by the audio onslaught of the Marshall stacks behind her guitar player, she was soaking us in the details of her tour through the US, her joy in finally arriving home in Vancouver, and how that certain special someone still eludes. There was nothing rock star or condescending about any of it; she just wanted to tell us how it was going; we were the good friend that she’d been longing to see.
More of her band and their technical mastery of rock. Three hard-working musicians, absolutely committed and totally serious about playing well, sweated and slammed their way through the set in unison with Bif. Plenty of rocking out was done along the way, including heavy doses of heading banging, power stance, and drum stick twirling, all of it culminating in blistering solo attacks throughout.
More of the up-tempo, feel-good hooks and plunges that litter her songs. Bif played a majority of material from her last two studio releases, “Superbeautifulmonster” and “Purge,” while dipping back into nineties on numerous occasions, including a rousing rendition of " My Bike", a sexy, rap ballad about love and bicycles. She kept the energy up, choosing not to play any number of songs on her recordings distinctly slower and mellow in their feel. Allegiances with metal lovers in the audience were reaffirmed with a great cover of “Nothing Else Matters” by Metallica and a crashing instrumental saluting speed metal with Bif on guitar.
After one encore and much gracious gesturing and gratitude from the four of them, Bif and her band left stage destined for Fort McMurray, AB the next night where, undoubtedly, another audience would be roaring for more. More, more, more. *
Matt Ondown
CLICK (2006)
If you go to see the movie ‘Click’ you’ll get to see two different films for the price of one: a comedy and a drama. In the beginning, we meet Michael Newman (Adam Sandler), an up-and-coming architect who spends all of his waking hours working, even at home, in the hope that he will one day make partner in the firm. His choice of work over family takes its toll on his lovely and patient wife Donna (Kate Beckinsale) and their two young kids.
One late night, frustrated with his inability to tame the many remote controls that inhabit his living room, he goes out in search of a universal remote. The only store open is a shop called Bed, Kitchen and Beyond. When Michael opens the door marked ‘Beyond’ and wanders down the long hallway, he meets a rather mad scientist named Morty (Christopher Walken). Morty offers a new piece of technology that has no cost but can never be returned. This remote control can perform some rather unique wizardry. It can freeze time; mute an obnoxious person, or even fast-forward through a boring dinner.
The problems soon become apparent when Donna reminds Michael of a promise he made at the dinner table. Michael must rewind to find out exactly what he promised to do. It’s at this point in the story that the movie begins to turn away from comedy and towards more serious issues.
<script> tableWorkaround2(191) </script><script> tableWorkaround2(4) </script><script> tableWorkaround</script>As Michael explores the capabilities of his remote, he realizes that if he fast-forwards through an event, he can’t go back and try to change the outcome. He can only review the past. How Michael’s life plays out becomes the substance of the storyline. The ending of this film is taken directly from the Charles Dickens novel ‘A Christmas Carol’ with the remote
substituting for the ghosts of Christmas.
I like Adam Sandler as an actor, especially for his work in ‘Punch Drunk Love.’ Just as the film is a comedy and a drama, Sandler’s acting covers both styles, with partial success. Being Adam Sandler, it seems he can’t help but stoop to stupid, juvenile comedy. For example, he freezes the present moment to perform inane stunts such as pulling down someone’s pants, kicking them in the balls, or literally farting in someone’s face. As the film progresses, he turns into a serious actor. Christopher Walken is an actor who finds his way into many films yet you never tire of his work. (Michael Caine is another). In this film, he’s wonderful as the keeper of the remote. Kate Beckinsale has a nice, easy-going style that changes skillfully as her dissatisfaction with her marriage becomes more pronounced. And you’ll enjoy Julie Kavner and Henry Winkler as Michael’s aging parents and David Hasselhoff as Michael’s boss.
There are some funny moments and some heartfelt scenes in ‘Click.’ Overall, it’s a decent movie that aspires to be much, much more than the end product. Don’t spend your money at the theatre. Wait for the rental.
Two stars out of Five.
Running time: 98 minutes.
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NACHO LIBRE (2006)
When you examine the target audience of this film, that being males from 20 to 25, you begin to understand both the style of the film and the many unenthusiastic reviews it has garnered. Is this movie as disappointing as the reviewers say it is? A friend of mine summed it up best when she said: ‘I didn’t care for the toilet humour but overall I found it entertaining.’Jack Black stars as Ignacio, a Mexican who was orphaned early in his life and grew up in a monastery. Now an adult, he still lives in the monastery and is responsible for preparing the meals for the priests, the nuns and the young orphan boys (who are always referred to as ‘the orphans’). Since he was a child, Ignacio has always dreamed of becoming a luchadore, a masked wrestler. Luchadore wrestling is not your mainstream WWF type match. It’s a small, independent circuit of wrestlers operating in Mexico and the American South-West.
Ignacio dreams of becoming a luchadore to win the heart of the beautiful nun, Sister Encarnacion (Ana de la Reguera) and provide money to buy decent food for the orphans, something more enticing than the slop he now serves. And so Ignacio fulfills his childhood dreams and dons the mask of Nacho Libre. His partner is a skinny Mexican named Esquelto (Hector Jimenez), a wild man who Ignacio meets by chance when Esquelto steals a bag of old tortilla chips that had been left by merchants for the orphans.
As Ignacio’s and Esquelto have no training as wrestlers, they do not fare well in their matches. Yet the people love them and they are successful. There is more to the story, but not much. There’s no real tension in the plot other than whether the monastery will find out about Ingacio’s secret life. The story has scenes that are written only to get laughs but do not propel the story forward, a cardinal sin in comedic writing. For instance, Ignacio, convinced he can gain the power of an eagle, climbs a cliff to eat the contents of a raw eagle egg. He cracks open the egg, which is the size of a large ostrich egg, and spills the contents all over his face. It’s a yuck moment and you laugh but so what?
In many ways, this is a showcase of Jack Black’s considerable comedic skills. He is a frenetic, funny actor who has demonstrated his energetic talent in such films as ‘High Fidelity’ and especially ‘School of Rock.’ He’s worth the price of admission.
Jared Hess who is best known for his first film, ‘Napoleon Dynamite’, directs the film. ‘Nacho Libre’ exudes some of the same characteristics that made ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ a success such as quirky characters whose behaviour may seem strange yet is believable in the context of the story. In this film there is much more slapstick and physical comedy
than ‘Napoleon Dynamite.’ In fact, the audience in the theatre laughed consistently during the film. Note: the big laughs came from the guys 20 to 25 years old. For overall silly
entertainment, check it out.
Three stars out of Five.
Running time: 91 minutes.
TRANSAMERICA (2005)
Felicity Huffman received a well-deserved Academy Award nomination for best actress of 2005 for her role in this film. She plays Sabrina (Bree), a man in the process of becoming a female. One week before here scheduled surgery, Bree receives a call for Stanley (her male name) from the New York City Police. They are holding his son in jail. Being a parent is a complete surprise for Bree who had only one lover during her life as a man. Her psychologist, (Elizabeth Pena), insists she resolve this unexpected situation before she approves the final surgery.
Bree decides to travel from her home in Los Angeles to New York and meet the young man. It turns out that her son; Toby (Kevin Zegers) is a street hustler whose life ambition is to become a porn star in L.A. He accepts Bree’s offer to drive him to Los Angeles as it will get him out of jail and fulfills his wish to live in L.A. Bree conceals her real identity from Toby and poses as a Christian caseworker who specializes in converting sex workers to Jesus. She turns out to be sincere but boring and conservative, much different than her street-wise son. Finding a bridge, some common ground becomes the challenge during their long days on the road. The ‘trans’ in Transamerica refers to transsexual and also refers to the word across. This is a road movie and there are adventures and new people at every stop as the travel across America.
As the journey unfolds, they become low on cash and energy. In desperation, Bree decides to visit her family in Phoenix. Her parents (Burt Young and Fionnul Flanagan) and her sister (Carrie Preston) haven’t seen Stanley since he changed his name to Sabrina. They suffer the shock of seeing their former son, now daughter and experience the delight in meeting their grandson. But the family home is anything but ideal and Toby begins to think that maybe Bree ain’t so bad after all.
Contrast this encounter with that of Calvin Two Goats (Graham Green), a Native American who is able to accept Bree for who she is. How does she react to his expressions of interest? She blushes.
Felicity Huffman is exceptional in this role. She plays her character as someone not yet totally comfortable in this new gender identity. Huffman nails this by her physicality: the way she holds her body, the awkwardness of her movements, her somewhat off-balance walking.
As a film reviewer, I’m not going to debate the transsexual, homosexual and sex trade elements of this film. I’ll leave those discussions and speculations to the viewer. It is the earnestness, the continuity of Bree’s sincerity that binds the disparate elements of this film together. Not only is she learning the role of a woman, she’s suddenly taken on the role of mother. To me, this is really a story about acceptance: of how others perceive you and your values and also, how you accept your self. It’s a road of discovery and worth the ride.
Four Stars out of Five
Running time: 103 minutes *
Allan Stanleigh
An Interview with Nathan Sellyn
Nathan Sellyn’s Indigenous Beasts is a debut with potential to shake the literary scene into something much more interesting. This collection of short stories opens up the dark real human world that many of us prefer to ignore. I recently had the chance to ask Nathan a few questions about the book and his new status as the ‘next big thing.’ Here’s what he had to
say :
CS: Why did you write this book?
NS: Unimpressive as it sounds, I wrote it because I had no choice. My undergraduate degree required me to produce a thesis. Since my concentration lay in English and Creative Writing, my thesis took the form of a short story collection. That collection eventually became the book. The finished product changed a great deal from its original form, but the majority of the stories were originally crafted as mandatory exercises. I don't mean to imply that I wouldn't have written the book if I hadn't been required to do so. I just would have taken longer
to do it.
CS: You have been dubbed the potential next great satirist. How do you respond to such monumental acclaims?
NS: To be fair, that comment came at the end of what was otherwise a pretty mixed review. Nonetheless, I'll never turn down a compliment. But it's amusing to me that such a comparison was drawn, given that only the final story in the book can really be considered satire. Many of the stories contain satirical elements, but only that last one – 'The Basics of the Species' – was intended for that purpose. But I'm glad it did its job. I suppose 'Here Be Monsters' is also satirical, in some ways. It's funny, it's a story that gets compared to 'American Psycho,' which is blatantly satire, but the two are satirical in very different ways. Consumer culture is not a factor in 'Here Be Monsters.' But, nonetheless, I'm honoured to receive such a compliment.
CS: Do you see the world as the dark place that exists in your book or are you just commenting on the jaded view that art seems to require today?
NS: Well, I'm happier than most of my characters. My personal world isn't nearly as dark as the one they inhabit. But the reality I created for them, in my opinion, isn't an alternate one. They certainly have some terrible stuff happen to them – beatings, suicide, molestation, heartbreak – but that dark element is everywhere in our world. The characters are just being honest about themselves. One protagonist wonders about the kinds of secrets his victim keeps. Everyone has secrets, incidents in their past they'd rather not reveal. My characters just expound upon those incidents.
CS: The raw honesty that drips from your book, was it a natural occurrence in your writing, or a response to the bubblegum that usually lines the shelves at Chapters?
NS: My apologies if it's dripping, you can send me the cleaning bill. I made a very conscious decision to try and avoid having any unreliable narrators – that's one of the reasons almost all the stories are written in the first person. The characters reveal facets of their identity that ordinary people would rather conceal. I guess what does differentiate the book from a large portion of contemporary fiction is that it lacks any happy endings. But, in my opinion, that's reality. Success and happiness are fleeting things, and it's a rare person who can hold on to either for an extended period of time. Most of the time, things don't work out, and you go home alone / don't get the job / get kicked in the head for hitting on a stripper. That's all the stories are honest about.
CS: I once heard art described as anything that can make you feel. You succeed in making your reader feel uncomfortable on many occasions. Are you worried that people will be deterred from reading your book because of this feeling?
NS: I don't know if I'm worried – I'm aware of it. The violence does make some people squeamish, and I can understand why some readers would rather not expose themselves to that feeling. Amusingly enough, I'm the same way – I'd rather go to a comedy than a horror film. In fact, my favourite parts of horror films are the beginnings, when everything is happy and the monsters haven't shown up yet. But fiction for the page is a different animal. As you pointed out, I think my narratives are pretty honest, even when that honesty is brutal. And I think those who read the book and recognize that won't feel deterred. Keeping your head in the sand never feels rewarding.
CS: Which is your favourite story?
NS: 'Ma Belle' is the one I'm closest to, simply because it's set in Montreal. I really tried to write a Montreal story with that one, a story that evoked the kind of beautifully faded romance that permeates that city. And I was happy with the result.
CS: What can we expect from you next?’
NS: A novel. To fashion a career as a writer you need to do novels, unless you're Alice Munro. It will contain some pretty large satirical elements – despite my saying above that only one story in the collection was really intended to be satirical. It revolves around a character returning home to his family after his father's death, and will be set almost entirely in
Vancouver. It's an interesting city we have here –often regarded as one of the world's most beautiful places to live, it also possesses an alluringly dark underbelly. That dual nature is something I'm eager to write about. *
Interview by C.S.
Photo : www.myspace.com/nathansellynBuy Nathan's Book"Sellyn writes like Alice Munro, well, like Alice Munro would if she was a testosterone-driven young man and had chug-a-lugged a gallon of espresso."
-The Edmonton Journal
"An impressive debut. These are powerful stories, suspenseful and unpredictable, aimed for the jugular."
-Joyce Carol Oates
"Unflinching. Angry. Honest and original. Sometimes even bizarre. But Nathan Sellyn's stories are far more than that. Boys learning the brutality of growing up, and full-grown men trying to come to terms
with the youth they've lost. Young Sellyn's stories are shockingly good. This is a fine, fine first collection with a dark heart. And Sellyn is a writer at the start of a great career."
-Joseph Boyden, author of Three-Day Road
"Indigenous Beasts announces a talent that could go in any number of enticing directions, and run as long and as far as the writer wants to drive it."
-The Montreal Gazette
"Nathan Sellyn manages to put some lovely words into the mouths of the men in his first collection of stories. And theres nary a metrosexual or yoga devotee among them."
-The Georgia Straight
"Sellyn's strength is his ability to focus on the darker and often violent and bizzare undertones inherent in the world around us."
-The Calgary Herald
"Sellyn has a real talent that has not been tamed by the endless workshopping of a creative-writing degree. ... Since Mordecai Richler's death, nobody has picked up the mantle of English-language satire.
Could Sellyn, a former Montrealer, be the one?"
-The Winnipeg Free Press
"A stylish debut with originality and flair to spare."
-The Vancouver Sun
"Shocking and gritty? Hell, yes. Bitterly funny and insightful... At first glance, Indigenous Beasts may be too abrasive for some. But beneath the blood and guts lies the promise of a very exciting Canadian
writer."
-The Victoria Times Colonist
"You make all the fathers look like assholes."
-My father
"The stories are bloody and real... funny, strange, and smart."
-The Globe & Mail
SINNER & SAINT DISCUSS... COMMERCIALISM
Shhh.. I’m watching my commercials!! I will talk to you when whatever sitcom I’m pretending to watch in between is back on. If you think that I’m nuts, then you should take a minute to see for yourself what I’m talking about. Who needs another show about a seemingly happy family when you can watch a fancy silver car racing along the seawall or a doctor who has lost 60 lbs and is selling his secret herbal miracle cure to rid you of those pesky fat cells? Not me.
In today’s consumer driven society, it is the commercials that really make television what it is, with the usual crime dramas or decorating shows being used only as fillers. Celebrities will sell their soul and swear the life of their first born on a shade of hair colour and even dairy products are sold by making some kind of sexual innuendo..
But does it really work? I can’t even count the number of times that I have watched those ridiculously morbid Volkswagen commercials and said to my now sick and tired boyfriend “the person who did the marketing for THAT commercial should be fired!” I just don’t get the concept of driving another car into the car you are selling and scaring the shit out of your audience. Although, to make the comment (again and again) you could also argue that the ad does its job; it gets my attention. I remember the brand, the colour of the car and that the driver and passengers (who all recover from each accident remarkably well) are in or around my age group. Oh, and they’re cute too. I remember that I hate the ad, but I notice the car as it drives by me on the street. For better or worse, they got it right.
The companies who really know what they’re doing are the ones that know how to hit us where it hurts. They know when we’re tired, drunk, lonely… That’s right – I’m talking about the infomercials. Better known as the leaches of the media world, they promise strong abs, improved cooking methods and a sexy fantasy – all just a phone call away. Go ahead and scoff at this statement if you want, but it works. Drunken, fat lawyers come home after a client dinner and end up signing for a delivery 6-8 weeks later, only to open a box with the most recent edition of the popular Ab Roller. I am almost ashamed to admit that I still have a Protein Power Plan package in a box somewhere from a sleepless night 8 years ago wherein I became convinced that potassium pills and cassette tapes were the answer to my desire for a better life and a smaller dress size.
If we believe what these infomercial-nobody types tell us, what happens when it’s our favorite TV or movie star on the screen? Does this give more or less credibility to their claims? In my opinion, Julia Roberts’ career has done a huge nose dive by accepting a L’Oreal contract for 2 million when you consider that she was at one time the highest paid
actress in Hollywood, demanding 20 million per flick. But her trademark red hair and Mr. Ed smile is known throughout North America. And that, my friends, is what sells cosmetics. Just this week I was asked a trivia question about the most famous heavyweight champion of American boxing and was stumped, but if they’d hinted to me that it was
the same man who can grill my meat with less fat on my plate, I would have known right away that the answer was George Foreman.
There is money in advertising. In a world of poverty and hunger and illness, it is almost more money than I care to think about – every dime going towards vanity and pride and comfort for the poor saps who bust their asses working all day so that they can wear the latest fashions to that office job and come home at night to a big screen TV instead of playing soccer with their kids.
Big screen TV $4000.
Soccer Ball, $20.
Spending time with your kids before they become teenagers and hate you – priceless.
IF YOU EVEN REMOTELY “GET” THAT REFERENCE – YOU HAVE JUST MADE MY POINT FOR ME.
We want to consume, to compete and to achieve a status that is unnecessary but appeals to our sense of greed and self esteem. Advertisements help us decide what we need to buy to get there, but just like a drug these companies satiate our cravings and then leave us empty and wanting more. More lipstick, more appliances, more cars and more clothes – all within our reach and most without ever having to leave the comfort of that new leather couch.
I am not, by any means, on a high horse or even a pony sized contraption here. I am as guilty as anyone else (remember the box with those cassette tapes and potassium pills!!) for my desire to “have” and then have some more. My conscience, however, reminds me that as I write this piece I am sitting in my backyard wearing nothing more than a bikini and a smile. The car I drive is nowhere in sight, my new shoes and my suitcase of make up are all immediately invisible. I am happy just as I am.
At least until I turn on the television again. *
Jody Winder
So, sex sells, and, under the right circumstances, we buy. The companies show two sexy, smiling, shirtless men flirting in a meadow; we start using a new detergent. They flash pictures of chicks getting “G’s” carved into their pubic hair; we buy their neckties. The big advertising machine rolls out a few TV spots with hot girls chasing after some dork; we start
using body spray (for real guys!?!). Of course.
Now, we men aren’t the only sex that gets targeted with spicy sexual images, but, you have to admit, we’re the easiest to target, whether our tastes are for women or for men. In fact, a lead researcher of sex in advertising, Dr. Richard F. Taflinger, goes as far as to say the following in his paramount study “Taking Advantage – You and Me, Babe: Sex and
Advertising:
a man's biological criteria can be simple: 1) she must be healthy; 2) she must be young; 3) she must be receptive; 4) and she must be impregnable. The sex act is of paramount importance to the man; it is how he impregnates the woman. After that, his concern is having more women to impregnate. (gay men, substitute “her” with “him” and “impregnable”
with “fuckable” – pretty accurate, huh?).
After such a glowing review, we look real good don’t we boys?
But sex isn’t the only thing that gets us motivated enough to buy something we can’t afford, is it? Jealousy. Desire. Competition. Humour. Celebrities. They all play a part.
Let’s focus in on celebrities just for a second. They can be seen in absolutely every format of advertising: print, billboards, TV, etc. They can be involved in AWESOME quick, little cameos (see: Morgan Fairchild for Old Navy – she’s the ONLY excuse for those ill-fitting khakis) or desperate, painful pleas for attention (see: Paris Hilton slumped over a soapy
sports car hawking Harvey’s burgers – not so hungry now, huh?). Our culture’s complete celebrity obsession has quickly found a permanent place in the advertising industry. They had found it a success when someone funny or hot or simply recognizable told us to buy what they were selling. And, to this very day, after decades and decades of it, we still buy
whatever Kate Moss, Kobe Bryant, and Beyonce persuasively suggest we should buy.
So do we feel guilty about our easily-persuaded spending habits and attempt to change them, or do we acknowledge and embrace our commercial crush?
It’s my humble opinion that we accept it, and we move on. We are a culture driven by commercialism, and, although it’s not a highest of lights our culture has to offer, it most certainly does have its pros. It creates wealth which, in turn, creates comfort. And we like to be comfortable, don’t we?
So feel free to buy that beautiful, luxurious sofa – just make sure some d-lister is spread out on it in Good Housekeeping. *
Joel Gook
Joel just redecorated his downtown apartment. Still no sofa.
Bloodstone by Nate Kenyon
Ex-con Billy Smith feels drawn to the town of White Falls. He also feels compelled to kidnap a Miami hooker on his way. But the unlikely pair soon find that they have been sharing the same horrifying dreams about the small Maine town. Together they delve into the town’s sinister history, and uncover an ancient evil that has been stalking the innocent residents for generations.
By turns a little to basic, and at times trying a little too hard, Bloodstone is saved by Kenyons’ excellent writing ability. The large cast of characters, the obligatory haunted house, and the claustrophobically small town clearly aim for horror classics like ‘Salems Lot or Peter Straubs’ Ghost Story, but fall short.
However, Bloodstone surprised me more then once. A lot of things I expected to be loose threads were all neatly tied together at the end. And just when the plot lines seemed to be spinning out of control the author, masterfully, pulled it all back again. The climax was exciting and unexpected, if a bit sudden. I think the real problem with Bloodstone is that the influence of Stephen King is too prominent. Like many in the horror genre that pick Maine as their setting, Kenyon would serve himself, and his readers, better by developing more of his own voice.*
Renee Mallett
Photo : www.amazon.com
Trash Talk : Celebrities that I find either really annoying or that I am sick of hearing about already!
OK, so I am traditionally a nice person. Letting people cut me off while standing in line; ignoring it when someone puts their drink on my pretty new table without a coaster; even letting a drunk guy in a bar slap my ass a time or two without reciprocating with a punch in the face. But you know what they say about the quiet ones, right? So, I have finally decided to have my say and make this entire piece about trashing celebs that I am really annoyed with. Hey, love it or leave it, man.
Ahh…the stunningly irritating Ms. Paris Hilton. Need I say more? I mean, what is she really famous for, anyways? She’s an heiress, people! It’s not like she actually did anything to earn being followed around by paparazzi. Unless you count a sex life that rotates faster than those spinny rides at the amusement park.
ANNOY-O-METER: 5 / 5
The former Mrs. Charlie Sheen, Denise Richards has been all over the tabs as having stolen Heather Locklear’s man. All this after having been Heather’s best friend! *sigh* Who can a girl trust these days? But that is not even what bugs me about Denise. The thing is, I don’t think that she is attractive in any way. At all. Period. I just don’t get the big deal.
ANNOY-O-METER: 2.5 / 5
OK, Relax. Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, I am not protesting Gwen Stefani as a person or a performer. On both notes, wacky and loveable. Fine. What I don’t get is why the hell anyone is running out to buy her designer label clothes and merch. I mean, have you seen the stuff? Just because some famous person jumped off a fashion
bridge, does not mean that you have to follow.
ANNOY-O-METER: 2 out of 5
It’s true. The pert and perky OC star has yet to stir my sauce, really. Have you ever tried to watch her, really watch her, on the show? Thank God for the fluffy plot lines, because anything requiring true talent would just be pushing it. And what’s with the Keds?? No matter who sports them, they will never be cool again unless you are 11 years old. Overall,
just nothing interesting about Mischa Barton that warrants her celeb status.
ANNOY-O-METER: 3 / 5
Now this is one woman that I half expect to see hiding out in my bushes with a machete once this story runs. C-R-A-Z-Y. Not just temper tantrums, either. What looks good on the outside in a string bikini suddenly looks horribly ugly when viewed from the inside. I think that Naomi Campbell's major anger issues need to be off the front pages and into a
specialist.
ANNOY-O-METER: 3.5 / 5
Yep, you heard me. Jake Gyllenhaal is on my yuck list. I just don’t get it, really. All of these reported Kirsten Dunst / Lindsay Lohan catfights, over this guy? Sheesh. I don’t think he’s got talent and I don’t think he is even close to good looking. He must have a really great “personality”. Yeah. That’s it.
ANNOY-O-METER: 4 / 5
Speaking of La-Lohan, let’s move onto her. What happened to the sweet, adorable kid in Freaky Friday? I am not sure what is rumor or truth, and frankly, I don’t care. I am just sick to death of reading about it every other day. Lindsay Lohan wants to be seen as a serious actor, à la Audrey Hepburn old-school class. My advice to Lindsay? Smarten up, apply yourself to your art rather than your boozing, man-eating rep, and lose the once-a-week hair color change. In other words, if you want to be seen as a lady, act like one. If, in fact, you want to be seen as another Paris Hilton, just keep going. You’re on the right track.
ANNOY-O-METER: 5 / 5
Folks, I could go on here. Tom-Kat, Brangelina, poor Jen and Vince, and let’s not even touch Britney. Looks like we would run out of space before the celeb annoy-o-meter was even close to drying up. Sad fact is, people just eat this celebrity gossip crap right up. We need some fresh meat, people! Someone get on the phone to good girls Hillary Duff and Amanda Peet. We need some new scandals, pronto! Enough about stolen baby photos and who might be next in lineto pop out a youngling. Unfortunately, with celebs like these, we may never run out of stupid things to talk about. *
Bonnie Lynn
WHO KEEPS THE FRIENDS?
Ah, the joys of dating; the lovey-dovey feelings of becoming a part of another’s life, and making friends with all of your significant others friends and family. Isn’t it great when you become best friends with another couple? So what happens when you break up? Do you stay friends, or you break off ties, or plot against your new ex and turn all of their
friends against them?
I have had the good fortune of meeting a lot of great people in my life. There is nothing quite like hitting it off with someone. You know when you meet the kind of person you could talk to for hours, chat over a cup a joe, or just watch T.V. with? Good connections are hard to find, which is why most people want to stay friends with the friends they’ve made through their ex-lover. This doesn’t always work, especially if it is a messy break-up, or your new friends are better/older friends with your ex
So what do you do? Is there a protocol on calling dibs on certain friendships? Not quite. All of the people I interviewed came up with similar answers. Either yes, no or maybe! Those that said no said that the friends they made were very old friends of their ex’s, and didn’t want to face the awkward conversation of “so what went wrong” or find out if they were dating anyone new. It seems that these people hadn’t made any real connections that they felt were worth keeping, as they would still indirectly be involved in their ex’s life. It should be noted that most of the people I spoke with who had this opinion were under the age of 20! Perhaps they haven’t learned the value of a strong friendship, or, they were just ready to get going on the next relationship (ah, young love!)
A friend of mine in her 30’s said yes, you should remain friends. She felt that it is really hard to find good friends, especially as you get older, so when you meet someone you really click with, regardless of their connection to your ex, you should do your best to remain friendly. Another friend who said yes is a bit devious, and only wanted to stay in touch with her new friends to keep an eye on her ex, whom she was clearly not over (you’ve really got to respect her honesty eh?).
I feel that it depends on the circumstance. If you truly have made a good friend, then regardless of the situation, you should stay friends. Sometimes taking a few weeks off to sort out feelings and to morn is great for the new found friendship. I don’t think it hurts to set a few ground rules either, like vowing not to talk about the ex until emotions settle, and never to discuss who they are dating. As always, once a little time passes, you will forget how you met, and focus on enjoying your time together.
What about the families of our ex’s? In my opinion, for the most part, once the relationship with their family member is over, so is your relationship with the family. It gets weird at some point when you go over to hang out with your “other family” and your ex comes home with a new date (yep, it happened to me, and that was the last time I ever went back!). I guess there are exceptions to every situation. A friend of mine literally became family to her ex’s. They dated from when they were 16 to 25, and during that time, she lost both of her parents. They funny thing is she is best friends with her ex, and his wife and her husband are very close too. It’s amazing what a good tight connection can bring.
My suggestion to all of you facing a similar dilemma; examine the friendship. Do you enjoy hanging out, listening to their stories and just having them around, or, you still want them in your life to drive your ex crazy? You definitely want to know that they are there for you, and not to take sides.
If you can honestly figure out why it is you want them near you, you are one step ahead of the game. Good fiends are hard to find, and even harder to keep when things get tough. Be honest with yourself, and your new friends and you’ll know if they are worth keeping or chucking! *
Lisa Powell
Art by Jason Willmann
Hardware Review: Nintendo DS LiteCapabilities: 5/5
Durability: 5/5
Style: 5/5
Overall: 5/5
At the tail-end of 2004, North America witnessed the release of Nintendo’s newest handheld system, the Nintendo DS. With it’s dual screens, a bottom touch screen, a stylus and a mic built into the hardware, most immediately classified the system as a gimmick - something the company slapped together to ward off the impending doom that was the Sony PSP.
Oh how wrong we were.
A year and a half later, the DS has proven all the nay-sayers wrong. Where the PSP has proven to be more style than substance, the DS overcame it’s ugly-duckling exterior and provided the public with games that not only provided new ways to play, but kicked all kinds of ass as well. The only real detriment to the unit was that when compared to the PSP, it really didn’t look all that snazzy. Whereas the PSP looks like an expensive piece of hardware, the DS looked like a handheld game system, right down to the somewhat dim screens and the bulkier-than-necessary casing.
That was then, and this is now. A few months back, Nintendo released the DS Lite to the Japanese public, and it made one hell of a splash. Selling out across the country (and still damn hard to find over there), the DS Lite came forth as Nintendo saying that they have listened to the public and have made something that rectifies the problems of the past. On June 11th, the Lite found it’s way to our shores and in a matter of days, hit sales figures of over 100,000.
It’s not hard to see why. The new system is smaller, sleeker and lighter all around. Nintendo has taken some serious cues from Apple in their design ideals and created a system that looks just as classy as any iPod or Blackberry. Off-white in colour, the system is encased in a transparent plastic, giving the system that extra little bit of durability and style to boot. Both screens are a bit bigger in size, but more than anything, they are a hell of a lot brighter and crisper, making it just that much easier on the eyes.
While not quite as drastic, a few other changes have been made as well. For one, the buttons are a bit smaller, but they react much more. The stylus’ that come with the system are also marginally larger in size. They’re still too small to ever be really comfortable, but they get the job done.
Overall, the system is all positives with little or no minuses. Nintendo took a risk with this system, releasing something far removed from the mainstream, but still grounding all of their games in the ass-kicking history they are so well known for. What was considered the underdog at the start of all this has turned out to be the victor by a long shot. Nintendo hasn’t focused on movies or music, just classic gameplay made all shiny and new through just a few key innovations. It was a risk, without a doubt. But then, Nintendo seems to be taking a lot of those lately. We’ll find out in November of the rest of their gambles pay off. If the DS Lite is any indication, we should be in for a hell of a time with the Wii when it comes out later this year.
If you can find one and are looking for something to play on the go, you can’t go wrong with the DS Lite.
Title: New Super Mario Bros.
Nintendo DS / May, 2006
Price: $39.95
# of Players: 1 (2 with a wi-fi connection)
Graphics: 5/5
Sound: 3/5
Control: 4/5
Overall: 4.5/5
Wow. I was just trying to think of the first time I played the original Mario Bros. on the NES so many moons ago. Nothing makes you feel older than realizing your dealing with memories from more than twenty years ago. The original Mario games were plat forming at it’s best - straightforward levels, secrets and collectibles galore, and a level of difficulty that sent you crying if you weren’t prepared (just play the Lost Levels on Mario All Stars - oh the pain of it all). Actually, it’s been about fifteen years since Nintendo released their last traditional, 2-D Mario game with Super Mario World on the SNES. Needless to say, with it’s glorious pedigree, the standards were very high when they announced New Super Mario Bros. for the DS.
Suffice it to say, Mario has never disappointed before, and he sure as hell didn’t now. New Super Mario Bros. is a beautiful, completely engaging throwback to a much, much simpler time in videogames, when skill trumped all else and graphics were merely a means to an end. The game is presented in very much the same manner as Mario 3 or Mario World, with a series of thematic worlds and a number of levels inside of each world. The story is simplicity itself, with Bowser Jr. kidnapping the Princess and Mario rushing after her across the many worlds.
Each level feels familiar and new at the same time, invoking nostalgia to the best of it’s ability. Hell, even the flagpole and castle at the end of each level is ripped straight out of the original Mario. The levels are short and concise, some presenting a straight-forward design, others focusing on a gimmick, like rising lava or falling rocks.
The controls are not perfect and periodically feel a little soft, but that’s more a hazard of handheld gaming than anything else. The graphics are exceptionally well done, especially considering the simplicity of the overall game design. While 2-D, the characters are still rendered in full polygons. If nothing else, it gives everything just that little bit of extra visual weight and adds to the impact of the appearance. If anything, the only place in which the game falters is in it’s sound. While it can be argued that it is just a handheld system, Metroid and Castlevania games have proven that the system can handle some decent sounds beyond the typical music. Music aside, the sound effects are taken straight from Mario’s history and just give that extra little hit of nostalgia that rounds out the package nicely.
Everything about the game screams old-school design, and while that may put off some, those of us who fondly remember the afternoons spent learning every single nook and cranny of these games will likely embrace the simplicity of it all. If anything, the game is never boring. It’s not always the most challenging piece of software out there, but in the end, that really doesn’t matter here. *
Andrew Wilmot
OVEN BAKED COOKIE
AISHWARYA RAI
If you know who Aishwarya Rai is, good stuff. If not, she' s a HUGE star in India, her native country. The Bollywood star first came onto the movie scene when she won the title of Miss World in 1994. She' s now a spokes model for L’oreal and will be in The Last Legion with Ben Kingsley this year. Aside from all that, just look at her. *
Laura V