ISS 7 (2006) JULY 19 - AUG 9
The Cat Empire, Cities (Jazz/Funk/Rock)
The words “Cat Empire” have been liberally sprinkled throughout Vancouver this summer, and while it might summon for some people the image of the dwelling of the crazy feline-hording woman down the street, the luckier ones who managed to catch this Australian sextet in one of their mind-blowing Jazz Festival stints a few weeks back may have something different in mind. No, this album is not readily available in Wal-Mart, etc (not YET, anyway). However, the Cat Empire’s fourth release is well worth the hunt, offering up a jazzy dish of flavour-packed tunes that is sure to suit palates of all musical inclinations.
The title “Cities” is spawned not only as a tribute to their home city of Melbourne, but is also a mention to any and all of the many cities that have influenced the music of the dynamic band, the perfect label for the album that refuses to stick to just one genre. Songs like “Boogaloo” mix cheeky beats with old school guitar pieces, rocking a soul-filled sound that harkens back to days when the band members were no more than kittens, if that. In the blink of an eye, the snappy horn section loses some of its sharpness, stretching to brazen howl for the mambo-esque “Siente”. Before the blood has settled to its new Latino-inspired rhythm, the Empire has already headed off in a different direction, stopping at “Jungle” for a bit of tom-drum pummelling before taking things to an educational level in the culturally opinionated “Down at the 303”.
While their music may be all over the map, the Cat Empire is consistent in its ability to entertain the appendages, whatever the style, through alluring instrumental combinations and enticing rhythms. The lively “Side to Side” is a perfect example of this talent, with lead singer Felix Riebl offering up unnecessary lyrical dance instructions while the catchy beat and funky guitar and piano outright demand the compliance of every free limb to feel the groove. If you did see them live, witnessing firsthand the rabid flailing of the crowd, you will already understand that resistance to these demands is futile. For the rest of you, you will simply have to discover the overpowering genius that is Cities for yourself. This is one album that is well worth the import fee.
Price: Depends on where you can find it. Zulu Records takes requests for importing, or Amazon.com might have it.
Dashboard Confessional, Dusk and Summer (Emo/Alternative) For all of you out there who need something in between a good cry and a big hug- rejoice! Dashboard Confessional is back with a new album, featuring lead man Chris Carrabba in all his emotion-dripping glory, backed by a full-fledged band that carries the sound to levels that Carrabba’s previously acoustic tendencies could never have managed single-handedly. Dusk and Summer shares the lung-filling drive of 2004’s token single“Vindicated” (off the Spiderman II soundtrack), offering a more powerful medium to reach lonely and misunderstood souls all over the world. The first single, “Don’t Wait”, starts things soaring from square one, with a strumming acoustic guitar hovering over ranging electric chords as the drums kick in with bass-charged authority. Carrabba wastes no time with gentle crooning here, diving head first into a passionate intro of “oh”s before moving into the no-less-passionate verse. The chorus escalates in a forceful-yet-charismatic melody that catches the ears. It’s a great start to the album, capturing the attention from the first chord, and refusing to let it go.
The hard-hitting passion is carried on through the album, though it is mainly reserved for its appearances in the epic choruses, allowing Carrabba to work his teenage-girl-melting ways through sweetly murmured verses. “So Long, So Long” (featuring Counting Crows’ Adam Duritz on support vocals) lingers more in this sedated mode, using only a tempered piano and the odd sweep of a violin, before bringing in a muffled acoustic guitar and drums. As the sound rises with every verse, Carrabba and Duritz seem to gain confidence, growing in pitch and strength before reaching Carrabba’s crescendo-like howl shortly before the end.
There is one exception to the anthem-esque rule of the album: the gently strummed title track takes things back to when Dashboard was just Carrabba alone on stage with his guitar. While it is nothing groundbreaking, it is pretty enough, and would probably have been an ideal season finale closer for “Dawson’s Creek”, had it still been on the air (whether this is a good thing or a bad thing is up to you). The quiet approach is soon swallowed up as “Heaven Here” brings back the sound-rich enthusiasm to round things off in a finish that is truer to the album’s striving nature.
While past Dashboard work may be more suited to the freshly-dumped (or any girl aged 12-16), Dusk and Summer works hard to bring in a new signature sound, backing up emotions with instrumental power and carving out an album pumped full of radio-single potential. Hopefully their uplifted attitude will lead the way for gloomy devotees worldwide.
There is hope for the emotionally distressed!
Price: $14.99
Thom Yorke, The Eraser (Alternative/Electronica)
“Thom Yorke…Thom Yorke…wait, isn’t he the lead singer of Radiohead? Why the hell has he left Radiohead?? Is Radiohead dead???? WHY, THOM, WHY!?” Side projects are always a bad sign, especially when the discussed band hasn’t released a new album since 2003. Too our great relief, however, Thom insists The Eraser is not the death knell of Radiohead, making the solo album just that much more welcome.
Like most things that spring from the well of Thom Yorke creations, The Eraser scuttles away from convention with a flurry of electronics, while keeping the inclusion of guitars or piano to a basic minimum. As each song flows easily into the next, the album gives off a sense of unity that leaves it feeling less like a collection of songs and more like a continuous collaboration. The consistency makes things a little tricky at points: you’d be hard pressed to recall specifics in any given track after only one or two listens. If you are one for the singles, this might not be your best album.
The album opens with its title track, featuring a heavy piano chord that refuses to reveal a rhythm, before falling in with a synthesised beat that nips urgently at its plodding heels. The track continues along this vein, with the two opposing forces playing off each other as Yorke’s signature voice sweeps mournfully over the shifting elements. It’s a powerful,
haunting track, and gives a firm idea of what’s to come.
While the tempo sticks pretty close to this first example from here on out, each song offers a fresh batch of Yorke’s experiments of mixing synthesised beats and noises with standard voice and instrument combination. “Black Swan”’s looping bassline burbles alongside a laidback beat, with hints of simple guitar chords and creepy organ sounds
adding layers to flesh out the basic frame. As in most of the songs, Yorke’s voice blends easily with the mix, becoming just another detail in the musical mosaic. The album wraps up with the pattering, blipping “Cymbal Rush”, a track that starts off subtly and slowly with the spooky drag of organ notes harnessing the rush of synthesised effects.
Tension builds as the beat gains more influence, pushing the trudge of the tempo to the background as it breaks free of its chains, before clearing out completely, leaving only the robotic bleeps and pings to clean up the mess.
True, this album is more of a soundtrack to a pretentious film student’s ultra-profound final project than a radio-friendly collection. However, it is not so experimental as to not be listenable. The album leaves an essence of beauty in its wake as it slips from one track to the next, and while it is no Radiohead album, it will give us something to chew on while
the band takes their sweet time on future releases.
Price: $13.69 *
Joanna McIntyre
WHO : The Skammunists
WHERE : Ambleside Youth Center
WHEN: Fri July 14
WITH : The Jolts, Fatty Matty and the Yellow Belts, Poop
July 14th might be a low for me. Tired, worn out after long week of haggling with a variety of adult-sized corporate hacks and still stinging from an emotional break-up, I chose to spend that Friday night in West Vancouver with about fifty 14 year olds at the Ambleside Youth Centre for a ‘punk’ fest. And no, there wasn’t a heroin addict among them. Nor did anyone appear to have made a suicide pack which they would execute in the run-down Chelsea hotel in New York, a la Sid and Nancy.
In fact, they were all eager, well-behaved, well-dressed, and well-adjusted. As a parent I would have sighed and said, ‘there’s my little Johnny (Stevie, Jilly, Andy, Andie, Gaylord) all grow’d up on stage singing about lost love, anger and anguish’. And then I would have taken a couple pictures and hired an agent to turn Johnny (Stevie, Jilly, Andy, Andie, Gaylord) into the next Avril Lavigne and capitalize on this music craze some people are calling ‘punk’.
But I’m not a parent and they weren’t my kids and thankfully I had a credit card in my pocket and an angry friend downtown waiting on a bar stool with a pint of 1615 to make this ordeal bearable.I did last an hour and a half, though.
Here’s the scoop :
The Ambleside Youth Centre offered an all-ages punk extravaganza . The Centre has a disco ball, comfortable couches and mural art by the youth who support it. The stage is about elevated by 10 inches so there wasn’t too much diving into the mosh pit that night. The bands played about 30 minutes each and brought and set up their own equipment (probably because Jeeves was out feeding the pony).
The bands on the roster were The Jolts, Fatty Matty and the Yellow Belts, Poop and Skammunists. All probably fourteen years old, although to be fair I didn’t card a single one of them.
Although Poop (a trio – Tom, Andrew and John) played cover tunes including ‘King of the Hill’ most of their material was self-penned and short. They were VERY LOUD. Someone noted they had a ‘unique sound’ but I’m not sure about that – rather I think we just couldn’t put my finger on who or what they sounded like. Fatty Matt and the Yellowbelts are a five member guitar-driven band and are pretty talented, especially Red T-shirt Guy (on guitar). They enjoyed themselves on stage, had a lot of energy and the ‘crowd’ (used loosely) enjoyed them. They had a kinda Green Day sound to them but then everybody under the age of thirty in a guitar-driven band has a kinda Green Day sound to them. Their moms should call an agent and get that Avril Lavigne thing happening with them ‘cause they have some potential. While they were tearing their gear down my cell-phone rang and an angry man in Vancouver verbally assaulted me and threatened to drink my pint of 1615 unless I showed in 10 minutes. *
Michael Van Lane
WHO : In Davey's Grip, Careworn, Rio Bent
WHERE: The Lamplighter
WHEN : Thurs, July 13
I love punk, from the early Stooges to the Sonics to the Pistols to DOA. And the quiet little hamlet of Vancouver has had its share of good punk bands who have punched and kicked and thrashed across the stage, blazing gloriously for a few bright moments before fading out, burning out, or crashing out with band members re-emerging months or years later as framers or drywallers in the booming construction scene.
The Lamplighter in Gastown hosted three of Vancouver’s current crop of punk’s bottle rockets last week. A fourth (Ash Riot) bailed at the last moment due to illness. On Thursday’s roster were In Davey’s Grip, Careworn and the White Rock power trio, Rio Bent.
In Davey’s Grip is a four member band fronted by vocalist by Kim Urhahn. She sang, yelled and hollered with a lot of heart. However, the soundboard was unkind and her efforts were lost in a mix of muddy guitars and the thump thump of bassist Greg M., who wore his guitar so low he was actually plucking from around his knees (an excellent look
for a punk bassist).
Up next was Careworn (another four piece), also fronted by a vocalist (Monique Hoople) whose efforts were murdered by a muddy sound system. The drummer was awesome. The sound of his kick drum was so low I could barely hear it but I could feel the sonic boom in my chest cavity, while the snap of his snare split open the top of my skull with an axe
– approximately one and a half times every second for 35 minutes. Monique Hoople’s legs were pumping to the music, sometimes keeping a rhythm I couldn’t hear, as she leaned back against an imaginary wall singing about what is anybody’s guess (note to promoter: just because a person knows what an XLR cable is doesn’t make them a sound mixer). The small crowd who turned up last night watched intently from behind a pint, nodding their heads to the beat.Rio Bent climbed on stage just after midnight. I’ve seen them twice before and these guys (guitarist Kurtis Sheldan, bassist Allie Sheldan and drummer Dan) are a little hot rod of a punk band. The lyrics are typical punk angst but Allie’s vocals are so upbeat in a happy angry way and they overlay a variety of backing vocal melodies and guitar change-ups over a song’s rhythm section that you kinda like being alive. With Rio Bent, the heart of a pop group lies inside the body of nihilistic punk band, a definite by-product of growing up in White Rock and not East London or Brixton.
The Ramones are dead. Joe Strummer is dead. But a couple a times a month at the Lamplighter pub you can still raise a pint of beer and shout, along with twelve other people, ‘Long live punk!’ *
Michael Van Lane
WHO : Oliver
WHERE: SYNC
WHEN: Thurs July 6
In celebration of their CD release, Every Red Light, Chad Oliver and Tim Hewitt (collectively known as Oliver) performed at SYNC. And I, fearless and judgmental, arrived at the little known venue on 2nd avenue with a preplanned checklist of things to do, such as :
-Arrive early and scope out the place
-Find and drink free red wine in the gulping, uncouth way in which my family taught me
-Listen to performance
-Interview artist
But the CD release party, much like life, unfolded other than expected. The first deviation from my master plan is that SYNC is a tiny venue, a stage set up in the offices of Nettwerk Records. And when I say tiny I mean in the sense that twenty of Chad’s friends and the place is packed. I felt awkward, as if I had arrived at someone’s office party. The second horrifying deviation was a lack of alcohol of any kind. That little portion of my brain that scientists have labeled ‘alcoholic centre’ wouldn’t stop rattling the doors of its cage during Oliver’s forty minute performance. I’m sure several people thought I was ‘checking them out’ when, in fact, I was trying to see if they had scored any wine, beer, vodka, or aftershave.
The performance started shortly after 6PM and ran a full forty minutes. With Chad on acoustic guitar and Tim on bass, Oliver played 9 songs from the CD, backed-up by Ian Cameron (mandolin and violin) and Steve Hennessy (electric keyboards). Both guys have good stage presence: Chad Oliver stands an impressive 6’4” and sports a crazy head of dangling red dreadlocks. Standing next to him makes a normal sized man feel like a little girl. While Tim Hewitt, on the other hand, is much smaller and although a talented musician you know you could take him, especially after a pint of aftershave. The entire band was comfortable on stage, the banter was relaxed and pleasant and the musicianship was good. Chad’s voice is as fantastic as his website claims. Good vibes all ‘round.
So, now. If you’re Chad’s or Tim’s mom skip the next paragraph. I’m going to say some mean things but I think they need to be said. What Oliver lacks is a set of great songs. Although he won the Canadian Radio Star Songwriting Contest, Chad’s songs are all monotone. Of the 9 songs, only two had a catchychorus and only one had a distinctive bridge. Even the song titles seem dull: Right, Go, Lost, Goodbye, Stay.
Overall, I think these guys have good skills and talent and they demonstrated them during their set. But I think an A&R dude or dudette might be able to challenge them to reach their full potential in developing their material. Okay, moms – you can start reading again. *
Michael Van Lane
Hot Summer Blockbusters
The days of summer are sizzling (well, some of them) and producers are hoping that their highly hyped summer releases become sizzling successes at the box office. In the film world, there are two prime times for movie releases: summer and Christmas. Summer blockbusters usually have big stars, big budgets, big action, big special effects and oft- times, little story. This week, we review three of this summer’s most anticipated action films.
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN – DEAD MAN’S CHEST (2006) – The first film of this franchise, subtitled ‘The Curse of the Black Pearl,’ was an exuberant surprise. Johnny Depp pranced around as the pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow. Orlando Bloom, fresh off his turn as Legolas the Elf in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, played the swash buckling Will Turner. Keira Knightley, who shone recently in Pride and Prejudice, played Elizabeth Swann, the governor’s daughter. In the first film, she was set to marry the suave British Naval Officer Norrington (Jack Davenport) even though she truly loved Will. All of these characters return for the second installment of what will be a trilogy of pirate adventures.
In this story, Will and Elizabeth are about to tie the marital knot when they are arrested by Lord Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander). Beckett threatens to execute Elizabeth unless Will can find Jack Sparrow and, by whatever means, deliver Captain Jack’s magic compass to him. n the meantime, Captain Jack Sparrow has a debt to pay to the legendary Davy Jones (Bill Nighy). It seems Jack owes his soul to Davy Jones and it’s time to pay up. Captain Sparrow has one possible way out of this jam. He must find the locked chest that contains the still beating heart of Davy Jones and the key to open it. Stop the heart and you stop Davy Jones.
Once again, the special effects and the specialized make-up are marvelous. The crewmembers of Davy Jone’s ship, the Flying Dutchman, having lived both above and below the surface of the ocean. Each sailor is part human and part sea creature. You’ll see men with faces that sport moving tendrils and human heads revolving inside of conch shells. Bill
Nighy and Johnny Depp work well against each other, sparring in the negotiation of Jack Sparrow’s obligations. In fact, many have reported that Bill Nighy steals these scenes. And watch for the excellent work of Stellan Skarsgard as Will’s pirate father, Bootstrap Bill, now a member of Davy Jone’s crew. There is whimsy in the staging of outlandish stunts such
as elaborate sword fights atop rolling water wheels and Captain Jack falling down a cliff while roped to a long pole, after narrowly escaping a barbeque fire being prepared by cannibals. There is a Buster Keaton, slapstick quality to much of this film.
But in many ways, the thrill is gone. The characters don’t evolve into new personality profiles. The story is interesting and fun but lacks an edge. At two and a half hours, the movie is easily an hour too long. Friends who came to the theatre with me reported being bored during parts of the film. It’s fun and frivolous summer entertainment and it’s worth seeing in the theatre for the effects. But it’s overlong and overblown. If you do see this film, sit through the credits. They’ve added a scene that plays once the credits are done. It’s worth the chuckle.
Two Stars out of Five.
Running time: 150 min
SUPERMAN RETURNS (2006) The man of steel is back. We haven’t seen a Superman movie since 1987 when they released Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. In this latest edition, the man in tights returns, having disappeared for 5 years. He was off to his home planet Krypton, to confirm that it had indeed been destroyed. Of course, the return of Superman marks the return of Clark Kent to Metropolis and the offices of the Daily Planet, though no one seems to make the connection between both Superman and Clark re-appearing at the same time. During the superhero’s five-year absence, Lois Lane
has been busy. She now has a son and a significant other (though they’re not married).
Arch villain Lex Luthor, who should be rotting in jail for his dastardly deeds, has been released because Superman was out of town (actually, off the planet) and missed the court date where he was to testify against him. Lex is a super selfish, unfeeling villain, prepared to kill billions of people to achieve his goals. He is played lustily by Kevin Spacey. There’s an old adage that states that if you want an effective villain, hire a good actor. As he has demonstrated in such films as American Beauty, Spacey is an accomplished actor.
So, what of the new Superman? Brandon Routh is the new Superman and he has the chiseled good looks of the other actors who have donned the cape. Unfortunately, in this film, they’ve written both the Superman and Clark Kent characters with sparse dialogue so creating the Superman character is a little bland. Kate Bosworth is Lois Lane and her part has a little more meat. But both Lois and Superman are annoyingly tongue tied when trying to express the truth of their feelings for each other.
Brandon Routh is a credible Man of Steel and everything about this film is well crafted. But it lacks a certain pizzazz and at 140 minutes, much like Pirates of the Caribbean, it goes on a little too long. Still, it’s fun entertainment and that’s what you expect from a Superhero movie. See it on the big screen if you can.
Two and a half stars out of Five
Running time: 140 minutes.
X MEN: THE LAST STAND (2006)
This is the third installment of the X-Men. If you are not familiar with the basic premise, this is what to expect: the world now has a population of mutants who are humans with extraordinary talents. These include exceptional both physical talents (such as the ability to fly, super strength, super speed) and/or mental and psychic abilities such as controlling heat and cold and the ability to control atmospheric conditions. A school for mutants has been created by Dr. Charles Xavier and a select group of especially talented mutants form a team called the X-Men. There is a segment within the human population who see the mutants as non-human and threats to their view of what is normal and natural. Sound familiar?
The same stellar cast of actors we have come to know and love from the first two films return to inhabit the characters in this film. One of the defining characteristics of this series is the choice of acting talent in the main roles. Veteran actors Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan play the lead mutants and their characters breathe with life and energy on the screen. Stewart is Charles Xavier, the leader of the school for mutants. McKellan plays Xavier’s former colleague and now enemy, Magneto. Also starring are Hugh Jackman as the cigar chomping mutant, Wolverine, Halle Berry who plays Storm, the woman who can control the weather and Famke Janssen is Dr. Jean Grey who returns after apparently dying in the last film while sacrificing her life to save others. Kelsey Grammar plays a purple skinned mutant named Dr.
Hank McCoy, also known as Beast, and Anna Paquin does a turn as Rogue. Many reviewers have taken the time to bust the plot holes and obvious deficiencies of this film. To me, that’s just being too bloody intellectual when the film is, in fact, a comic book in motion picture format. So lighten up and enjoy the fabulous special effects and a plot that actually asks you to use your brain for a change and consider the moral values examined in the story. It is these questions about values that elevate this X-Men movie from the other two films reviewed in this edition of Kira’s Eye. The story: a mutant has been discovered with a gene that, when replicated and injected into other mutants, reverses the mutant traits. With the mutant traits eradicated, the mutant can now be considered a ‘normal’ human. The government sees this as ‘curing’ the mutants. Charles Xavier and the X-Men believe that people should be allowed to make their own choices. Magneto sees the government actions as a direct threat and an act of war against the mutants. To the mutants, they are natural and not in need of a ‘cure.’ See this film for the timely story line, the extravagant effects and the overall entertainment. It’s not overly long, the acting is first rate and there’s an interesting story line. The filming was completed in Vancouver and, for Vancouver residents, it’s fun to play spot the landmark. And just like Pirates of the Caribbean, there’s an extra scene added that plays after the final credits have run. So don’t leave
until the very, very end.
Three and a half stars out of Five
Running time: 104 minutes.*
Allan Stanleigh
EIGHT FINGERS DOWN GIVE THE CROWD ONE FINGER UP
Eight Fingers Down, the four piece band out of SoCal were one of many to take the stage at this year’s Warped Tour. Started in 2001 by lead singer/bassist and lead guitarist, they have since put out CDs “ Broken Crowns and Crooked Frowns” and “ The Joy of Complication”, had part in the Warped Tour for a few years and toured nationally several times. Shelbie headed out to Van to see the show. Here s what she came back with :
“Fuck you, goodbye” Unfortunately enough, pretty well sums up the atmosphere of the 8 Fingers Down set at this year’s Vans Warped Tour in Vancouver, B.C. This reaction by parts of the crowd was by no means any fault of the band; it was purely a case of conflicted interests from some very loud, boisterous, and obnoxious onlookers.
This wasn’t the way all people watching their set felt. As I looked around the crowd of kids swarmed around the somewhat smaller Volcom Stage, I saw a wide variety of people quite enjoying the performance. From older men pumping their firsts in the air, prep school looking males and females bobbing their heads and tapping their feet, to brightly coloured, liberty spikedand mohawk’d boys and girls dancing in the pit, the fans that were actually there to see 8 Fingers seemed to be having quite an enjoyable time.
The band, consisting of four very distinctly different members, Mike (Bass, Vocals, and Facial Expression Extraordinaire), Nick (Guitar, Vocals), Bret (Guitar, Vocals) and Alan (Drums) took to the stage at 7:30pm, one of the last bands of the day. They opened with the question “Who saw NOFX today? We like NOFX” they launched into their first song,
which continued into an energetic eight song set. Five songs into their set they broke out into a cover of Kansas’ Dust in the Wind. This opened up the pit and had everyone dancing
which in my opinion was the highlight of the show. *
www.eightfingersdown.com
Shelbie Jeaurond
Laura V
Photos : Shelbie Jeaurond, Steff Valor
When Gravity Fails by George Alec Effinger
Marid Audran may be a hard boiled, smart mouthed, private investigator right out of a classic pulp crime novel but the city he calls home is not what you would expect. Set in a futuristic Middle Eastern city, the Budayeen, is dark utopia of transvestites, drug dealers, and assorted miscreants and evildoers that make Frank Millers Sin City look like a nice place to bring your family. Madrid prides himself on his independence from the Budayeens crime lord ‘Papa’, and staunchly remains ‘unwired’. This common surgical procedure essentially turns the user’s brain into a high tech virtual reality game system that allows users to plug in different personalities and abilities on a whim. But when first his client, and then his friends, start to die in excruciating ways Marid must give up his personal freedoms to catch a ‘wired’ killer who switches himself between a calm James Bond style assassin, and a sadistic torturer named Kahn.
Considered an instant classic since its publication in the late 1980, When Gravity Fails has been lauded as a pinnacle of the cyberpunk genre - and for good reason. The book is totally original, completely engrossing, and a damn good futuristic whodunit. Rather then focusing on over-explaining the science/tech aspect, as most sci-fi novels seem to, Gravity relies on an intriguing cast of characters and a totally unique setting. Effinger sets a brisk pace in this novel, but you get so sucked in right from the beginning, you have no problem keeping up.
However for all the time spent developing the story and the great lengths that Marid goes to in order to catch the killer, the mystery is solved rather quickly. More then a little cynical and blackly funny, When Gravity Fails is a must read, despite the rushed conclusion. *
Renee Mallett
Wedding Guest Worries – Your top wedding etiquette and fashion questions, answered!
It’s wedding season, yet again, and the air is filled with white blossoms and slow songs. And, for many of us, our calendars are filled with dozens of invitations to bridal showers, bachelorette parties and, of course, weddings! What to wear? What’s appropriate? What’s in style this season? Here are the answers to your most pressing wedding guest worries.
Q: How much “modern” can I get away with wearing to the church reception? Is a strapless dress ok?
Bonnie says: You really have nothing else in your closet, and anyone who could lend you something appropriate is out of town? Wellthen, top it off with a beaded shrug or fitted jacket while in the church. This ceremony is a once-in-a-lifetime thing for the couple up front, and you should always go with coverage rather than risk ruining the moment with the possibility of offending someone. Once outside of the church, strapless is chic if used with a full skirt or light pattern. Tight, fitted strapless is so very wrong.
Q: I have been invited to both a church ceremony and an evening reception. Can I wear the same outfit to both?
Bonnie says:This really depends on the formality of the wedding itself. As most church ceremonies are traditionally very formal, you should aim to dress conservatively and preferably not in black. A nice suit dress or trousers with a light colored blouse would be appropriate. That hot little red salsa number that you picked up on sale at Urban Behaviour should be left at home. In terms of the evening reception, hopefully your invitation has given some clues as to the type of attire required. Black tie? Break out the fancy gear. Semi-formal can be something like a fitted knee-length dress with heels. Beach weddings are often more casual. When in doubt, definitely check with the bride or other guests planning on attending. A safe bet is something classy and with a touch of color. Anything shorter than just above the knee will possibly get you thrown out or, even better, have you seated with the 17 year old second cousin who keeps hitting on you.
Q: I have heard that only the bride should wear white to a wedding. Is this true?
Bonnie says: It’s not exactly carved in stone, but it still looks über-tacky when someone shows up in an all-white gown that rivals the bride’s. Patterns with white in them, or including some white in your outfit, is classier and totally fine. Hold off on the beads and sequins until it’s your turn at the altar. And, before any of you ask, NO you cannot get some extra wear out of your own wedding gown by wearing it to someone else’s reception. I don’t care how “casual” or “non-fussy” it is. No, No, No!
Q: I’m bringing a date to the reception, and I am wondering whether we should co-ordinate outfits?
Bonnie says: OK, Mindy, easy on the champagne and crab cakes. Let’s gently pull ourselves out of that ‘Saturday Night Fever’ re-run and come back down to earth. Just kidding. To be honest, if you are feeling like playing the matching game – and your date is actually suicidal enough to agree! – then go for it. As for me, you would not catch me dead in matching ANYTHING with my date. In fact, when J-Lo was dressing up poor Ben Affleck in those awful matching velour track suits, I just about wet myself laughing. About the farthest that I can recommend taking the matching thing in good conscience would be perhaps a matching blue handkerchief or tie in the same shade as your dress.
Q: Flip Flops – yes or no?
Bonnie says:Only if the wedding is extremely casual! Say, a beach wedding where your invite specifically states that the dress code is casual. Other than that, save ‘em for the weekend and break out the Jimmy Choo’s.
Q: Can you share some ideas and examples of this season’s hottest wedding guest attire?
Bonnie says:Aww, heck, why not. Here are some trendy tips to get you through the season.
-Brown is very in, especially paired with turquoise or pink
-Soft, floaty and feminine flatters almost all body types, while still keeping you cool and classic
-A crisp, tailored suit carries well if the ceremony and reception are back to back, or for the ladies who simply prefer pants
-If you just can’t tear yourself away from the darker colors, try a deep shade of grey or charcoal. Some brazen brides are also including black for their bridal party dresses, which opens up the color to also be worn by guests at the reception. *
Bonnie Lynn
SUBURBAN CONTENT
Lately, it has become very fashionable to move to Kits - at least within my social circle. I am not here to illustrate the "wrongs" of living in and around Kitsilano, because quite frankly, it would be too damn difficult! Rather, I am making a stand for the often misunderstood suburbs. Contrary to urban myth, it's not simply a maze of streets full of bored
housewives.
Long Live the Cul-de-Sac!
Firstly, I love the suburbs because of the perceived abundance of Space. I say perceived because in all actuality, houses are getting closer together, suites are growing in once-unused basements, and new housing developments set up shop overnight. Still, when I walk out my front doors, I feel like there is room to breathe right there. I don't have to walk two blocks to my car, because it is happily sitting there in my driveway. I can have coffee on my patio and watch my cat chase bugs in the grass, rather than watch my neighbour watching me watching him. I love that I have a lawn to mow and plants to tend in my own tiny bit of "park." I suppose my slightly claustrophobic and slightly reclusive nature have pre-destined me to live in suburbia - I can't stank the thought of sharing my "alone time" with hundreds of others on the beach.
Yet another "point" for the sprawling, space-taking mass that is the suburbs, is the neighbour factor. Okay, this is a weak point, because I have befallen the neighbours from hell on more than one occasion. Still, there must be something about the staggering frequency that one sees only a select few that creates a bond among those that share a street number. In the denser areas of the city, you come across a mass of people daily. Sure, some faces become familiar, but not like they do in the small suburban neighbourhoods. I see the same ten or so people daily. Thus, the waves "hello" turn into short conversations, which somehow morph into pet-sitting and plant-watering when you are away binge-drinking in Mexico. Now that is a good neighbour.
Finally, I love where I live because it is quiet. I don't share my street with buses and noisy pedestrians. Slamming car doors don't wake me, and no street lights glare into my bedroom window. Instead, I have a small pond and fountain just beneath my window that lulls me to sleep with its gentle trickle of water.
Space, Reliable Neighbours, and Silence.
It's not a lot, but it's all I need. For now, suburban content suits me just fine. *
Carolyn Sapach
WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH MEN?
What is the deal with men? They are so damn indecisive.Devon is my neighbour. We never spoke until about a month ago as I’m very careful about not making any direct contact with anyone living in close proximity. If I say hi once, I’ll have to keep doing it and in my opinion I’d rather not talk to you than be forced every time we make some sort of eye contact. He asked me to dinner on the day of cinqo de mayo, a Mexican holiday and to us, just another reason to party.
Devon drank mojitos and I drank sangria. We laughed, flirted a bit and felt quite comfortable for a first “date”. I quickly decided to myself this couldn’t go anywhere. After all he’s my neighbour. What if things got ugly? After splitting the bill (a sign which quickly told me this guy definitely wasn’t my type) we stumbled to a friend of mine’s party. Devon was very personable and quite the hit with the woman over 40 and as the night went on I realized this guy was pretty damn cute and a very good candidate for the guy you call when you just want to have a good time, no matter what hour of the day or night it may be.
We walked home - I staggered. We got to the fork in the road, our houses, side by side. Who’s going where now? I was curious to see his house since it looked exactly like mine from the outside, so I went in. We kissed, cuddled, fooled around a bit. It was bound to happen sooner or later. After all we weren’t complete strangers, we had seen each other going in and out and occasionally stumbling out of a taxi.
Things were getting hot in Devon’s room that night and finally I had to put an end to it. Anticipation is so much sexier. Devon let me know right up he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend. I told him, “ Good, because I don’t want to be your girlfriend.” With that out of the way, we were free to just be and every night for the next month Devon called me and I occasionally called him too, or just showed up. We would laugh, talk, and of course we would make love. When chemistry is this hot something more is bound to happen. So yesterday Devon tells me his mother is flying in from San Francisco and he wants me to meet her. What the fuck?! It’s not a big deal – is it?
I met her today and she tells me how great it is to meet me after hearing so much about me and on and on. That’s really sweet but what ever happened to keeping things casual, keeping it real? Who decided it was time to make the move to a “real relationship”. Well I certainly didn’t. This wasn’t supposed to happen, he said he didn’t want a girlfriend. The scary part is I actually think I’m starting to like him, just a bit. Is it time to start looking for another place, or is it time to face my biggest fear: Commitment. *
Charity West
WHY WON'T HE CALL?
It’s happened to all of us. You are on a date with a gorgeous guy. You are on fire; you’re being cute, witty and even sexy. He seems totally into you and you’ve already begun to envision your wedding. You go to bed that night, all warm and squishy, excited to hear from Mr. wonderful. You wait the standard 2-5 day window (a whole other subject) and nothing.
You call him. No answer, so you leave a charming message. Nothing. So you wait a few more days, and then it hits you, you’ve been “I’ll call you’d”.
If you are one of the few people who don’t know what this is, allow me to explain. Sometimes, after a great date when you are certain you and Mr. Right have chemistry, he disappears of the face of the planet. You feel rejected, let down, and most of all lied to. Why did he say he’d call, then not follow through? Why couldn’t he have saved you all those daydreams, and been honest and said “you know babe, I’m just not that into you!”? This is a subject that have had us women stumped. This is surely the one thing that men do much better than women.
The first time this happened to me, I was totally shocked. Later, a friend mentioned I probably shouldn’t have put out and gave me the whole “why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?” which certainly did not help the situation. I couldn’t believe that all the cuddling, nuzzling and even future plans we had made were all lies! I mean, I am a catch! What gives this guy the right to lead me on? Why is it that he’ll go to all that trouble to wine and dine you, share intimate thoughts, and some laughs, then never call you again? I asked around and got some interesting answers. Some make sense, and others are just plain lame.
The most concerning from a mental health perspective was my buddy who said that when he meets a girl he really likes, it freaks him out. He is scared that he will fall in love, have lots of babies and live happily ever after! Why is this such a bad thing? As it turns out, he wasn’t ready to give up sleeping with other chicks and was still enjoying his freedom from
a recent breakup. So ladies, it’s him not you in this case!
Another reason I heard was simple. “I wasn’t into her and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings!” HELLO?? Do you think showing her an awesome time, and getting her hopes up, then dropping her on her ass is less painful then being honest? He admitted that he was a chicken.
A colleague of mine shocked me, as I realized that this must have been the reason for at least 3 of my ‘I’ll call you’s” (or so I tell myself to soften the ego blow!). HE IS MARRIED! Yep, its true, sometimes that Mr. Wonderful isn’t that wonderful to his wife! There is nothing you can do about this one, but run. It doesn’t seem nearly as fun to run, than to stay and have a commit-aphobe wine you and dine you, and maybe even buy you some pretty baubles (take note, if the jewelry looks used, he probably took it from his wife’s jewelry box, in which case, he is sleazy and cheap, so run away even faster!).
So the guy who never called me after I put out, yep, he never called because I was too easy. As it turns out, if you put out too much, OR too little, he may never call again. I think this is the most ridiculous reason I have ever heard, unless you were a total slut in bed, or you were a total prude and flinched when he touched you. It seems that men are finicky about “action” be it too much or too little. Hmm, we need a guide book. Yeah, men may be from Mars and women from Venus but where the hell do they get off having the right to not call me if I am looking to get my groove on?
My favorite example of an “I’ll call you’er” was from my best friend (who is oddly enough a girl that is a serial “I’ll call you’er”). She is a gorgeous girl, inside and out. I have never met someone with more men chasing them all the time. Poor little thing is so nice men want to marry her after the first date! She tries to let guys down easy, but they never get the point, so she says “Maybe I’ll call you” to get them off her back. I swear to God, her cell phone has at least 300 random people in it that she hardly knows. Once she has tried to let Mr. Wrong down (and not succeeded), they always seem to keep calling as if to persuade her. It’s incredible her effect on men, because they call her for months on end (Geez, some girls have all the luck eh?!). She keeps their names in her phone so that she can dodge their calls. I mean, it is a really clever trick and I bet all you guys reading this are laughing at how easy I have just made dodging phone calls, but this is too good not to share. She is the worst call screener I have ever met. Plain and simple, she could learn to be a little more honest, but then again, it is quite entertaining to hear the messages they leave her!
Here are my thoughts : I am a very open minded person. When I meet someone I like, I give them a chance. I love the feelings of “I hope he’ll call” or, “I wonder if I’ll ever see him again”. I always approach these situation with caution, and I certainly never give him all of me on the first date - well, I do sleep with men on the first date sometimes, but I don’t let them in on who I am, which should be what the other person is looking for. If you are putting a lot of pressure on him, of course he’s gonna freak out, he just bloody met you! So maybe he does remind you of your Ex, or has the hottest body you’ve ever imagined, but sometimes, maybe it’s not meant to be.
My advice to all of you who have been burnt before is go easy, don’t make wedding plans on the first date, and most importantly have fun. If he sees that you are fun loving, care free, and just there to meet people to see if there is a love connection, chances are he will be more open to the thought of being with you. If you can’t do these things, then like any good sales person, try to “close the sale” at the end of the date. Make solid plans that he can’t get out of like breakfast the next morning, and tickety-boo, Bob's your uncle, you’ve trapped him! Good luck! *
Lisa Powell
Art : Jason Willmann (c) 2006
The Canada Cup of Beer ; Not Much Cheer!
Lisa Powell checks out the Canada Cup of Beer
Like any festival guru, I found myself at the First Annual Canada Cup of Beer held at the Thunderbird Stadium at UBC. I must tell you, I am a seasoned festival goer ; I even have special pants, that have pockets to hold all my goodies, a little Gillian hat to keeps the sun at bay, and of course, my trusty boyfriend, ready to partake in the crazy excitement I get from festivals.
We arrived a couple hours after it had started to let everyone warm up with the festival spirit I love so much. We had big hopes; I mean, the Canada Cup of Beer, holy crap! This had
the makings of a really really messy event.
Well, I hate to say it, but it was really lame. If it were a horse, many onlookers would have put it out of its misery. Don’t get me wrong, I had an absolute blast (pretty hard not to with 100 different types of beer to try) but it lacked a certain pizzazz. There was no hustle, and certainly no bustle. It was literally 30 tents, and some guys ghetto blaster playing tunes from the eighties - oh, and one guy selling hats for 4$ (I was not the only crazy drunkard to buy one, but hey who can say no to a good deal?)
The attendees were mostly UBC students who were hanging around for the summer, many of the UBC team coaches, a few drunks, and me and Rob. There were a few hippies too (damn, those hacky-sacking, pot smoking, shower dodgers are everywhere!!) lying in the grass giving it an outdoor concert type feel, minus the sound system.
I couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed at the whole event. Maybe its because I have become a slave to the corporate world, where every event I attend has huge sponsorship and some radio station blasting the tunes giving stuff away. I mean, the only food for the beer lovers to munch on was the regular old BBQ culprits (with no veggie dogs in site, how horribly disappointed I was in my inebriated state, not to get that perfect soy filled hot dog to quill my cravings). And hello, ‘VEGAN Friendly’ is not a term to be tossed around lightly, only the condiments were vegan….come on!
I felt the vendors lacked a certain enthusiasm, and were taking things a little too seriously. They should have been a lot more generous with their freebies. The only booth that really was having a good time was the Hotsten booth, which was giving 2 for 1. That’s the festival spirit! Certainly not some stuck up hot blonde hired for the day to draw people in. I am no hottie hater; just a good old fashion festival goer, looking for some free shit. All I got was a little plastic beer mug. All in all, I’d go again, but I’d go with lower expectations. Think kids selling lemonade on the side of the street for 10 cents a glass. Sure it seems like a deal, but after a few sips, you are ready for something way better! That said, ‘Just Here For The Beer’ has a fantastic concept to work with, something that can be built upon to explode into a iconic Canadian event. *
Lisa Powell
SUMMER DOLDRUMS
I beg the pardon of those who read this column expecting new and interesting reviews every now and then, but I need to pull out my soapbox, clear my throat and get ready to make with the speechifying. I started working on this page in the hopes of reviewing the titles that are off the beaten path, the obscure works that, while you will find them covered in gaming mags, will never be given the time of day by the major news outlets such as the Sun or Province - nothing against them, but they tend to focus on the main stream as much as possible. But you see, this attempt has hit
a snag; the summer.
The summer gaming season is notorious as the most half-assed time of year for the industry, after they’ve finished shelling out their A and B titles that didn’t make the holiday cut the year before but before the coming glut of titles that the new holiday season will invariably bring. It’s depressing to look at release schedules right now and find nearly everything is either a shitty puzzle game, an equally shitty kids’ game, a derivative sports title, or the worst offender of all, a summer movie tie-in game. Those are borderline criminal.
So I find that I’m stuck with nothing worthwhile to play, let alone review, and as such I find myself falling in times of need to older games and series, ones that, like the films that the current season seems to breed, are big and flashy, but still of the highest quality. They’re not all new and improved, but they are all worth checking out. This is the games play list for those as disenfranchised as I am by the summer lull. Enjoy!
*Warning: All comments and reviews are subject of the author, who is clearly right and better than you, so take in these comments and drink merrily!*
10: Legacy of Kain Series (Blood Omen-PS1; Soul Reaver-PS1; Soul Reaver 2-PS2; Defiance-PS2) Think Angel or Underworld crossed with some serious metaphysics. While there is a fifth game (Blood Omen 2), it really doesn’t fit into the timeline. This series of Vampires and destiny in a land called Nosgoth is easily one of the most ambitious narratives that has been told in a game or series. Each one deals heavily with fate, choice, pre-destiny, time travel, and all wrapped up in a gothic story of heavy betrayal and vengeance. A lot of critics have panned them for not having the greatest gameplay out there, but if you’re in it for the story, you can’t go wrong (especially when Defiance starts to climax). Great summer fair.
9: Resident Evil Series (Resident Evil 0-Gamecube; Resident Evil-PS1, Gamecube; Resident Evil 2-PS1, Gamecube; Resident Evil 3: Nemesis-PS1, Gamecube; Resident Evil: Code Veronica-Dreamcast, PS2, Gamecube; Resident Evil 4-Gamecube, PS2)
Think Dawn of the Dead, but with voice acting that will make you laugh like Shaun of the Dead. This series has been around for near a decade at this point, even spawning two films and an upcoming third. The quality varies heavily from title to title (2 and 4 being the best, 0 and 3 the worst), but the straight up shock and gore factor coupled with heavy action makes the series great for summer gaming, especially if you’ve got a group of people playing together to figure out the puzzles. The horrid voice acting just makes everything that much more fun.
8: Shadow of the Colossus (PS2) Hmm, can’t really think of any film comparisons. I’ve already reviewed this title, but it warrants another mention at simply being one of the best in recent memory. Plus, the beyond epic scale of some of the fights in it make it perfect at giving it a blockbuster feel.
7: Mario Series I don’t need to recount the games here, do I? Everyone knows about them and that they perfect, lighthearted fare for the summer. I recommend grabbing a DS and getting the handheld games so you can hit the outdoors and get some sun - can’t always be a shut in, right?
6: Castlevania Series Bram Stoker’s Dracula with a whip. Again, I don’t really need to recount this, right? Light on story, heavy on action, and some of the best titles are for handheld systems (Gameboy advance, Nintendo DS) which means getting your ass into the sun (or playing them at work when no one’s looking) If you can, though, track down Symphony of the Night for the PS1 - There’s a reason it’s considered one of the greatest games ever made - because it is.
5: Final Fantasy 6 (SNES, PS1) Lord of the Rings style adventuring but, you know, without the androgynous hobbits. There are 11 iterations of Final Fantasies out there (12 in November), each one its own world and story, but there’s way too much play time across the lot of them for anyone to go through in a summer. This was the pinnacle of the series, before they started obsessing over CGI and main characters that looked freakishly androgynous. One of the best stories, most memorable cast of characters, and a villain that actually comes out on top more often than not. I mean, how many games have multiple genocides in them? Exactly. Rock on.
4: Chrono Series (Chrono Trigger-PS1, SNES; Chrono Cross-PS1) Back to the Future, but less Christopher Lloyd and flux capacitors, more swords and magic. Fun, quick, and bloody heavy in terms of storylines (loads to do with causality and fate again) but still damn exciting. While they’re both RPG’s they fall short of the typical 50 hour length per game (each one clocks in around 20 hours) so they make for great storytelling. Probably the most fun you can have with time travel outside of getting a Delorean.
3: Metal Gear Solid Series (MGS 1-PS1, Gamecube; MGS 2-PS2; MGS 3-PS2) Bond, if he were a hard-ass with an eyepatch. The gaming equivalent of a Jerry Bruckheimer trilogy - but better directing (no Michael Bay). Great spy genre games, epic stories, Hollywood quality voice acting and direction, and more flash than a dozen other titles at once. Plus any game that brings one character back to life by having his transplanted arm infecting the mind of another character is worth it’s camp weight in gold.
2: God of War (PS2) How many movies about ancient Greece have there been? And how many of them deal with taking out a God, scaling Pandora’s temple while it’s strapped to the back of a crawling giant, or banging out a three-way before the main story has even gotten started? I’ve already covered this, but lets go again. Directed like a big budget action flick, more
action than any other game this generation, cool story of taking down a God, movie quality soundtrack, and insane amounts of blood and gore make this one of the pinnacles of any respectable summer gaming marathon. If it seems a little quick, try it on God mode and prepare to get gang-banged.
1: Metroid Series (Metroid-NES; Metroid II-Gameboy; Super Metroid-SNES; Metroid Fusion-Gameboy Advance; Metroid Prime-Gamecube; Metroid Prime II-Gamecube; Metroid Prime: Hunters-Nintendo DS)
Movie equivalent - any self-respecting sci-fi with the balls to let atmosphere do the job. Sure, I could have put Halo on this list, but that would be expected (plus I don’t own it), so I’m bringing attention to the other sci-fi child of the gaming world. Point for point, the greatest series ever created. The obligatory sci-fi in any summer movie season and bounty hunting done right - by shooting anything that moves. The Metroid games have been around since the original Nintendo and have gotten better and better. While the two Gamecube versions do kick ass, it’s the SNES Super Metroid that needs to be tracked down - easily, the single greatest game ever made (and pretty damn cinematic for it’s time). It’s just one of those titles that never seems to get boring in the slightest. Not to mention, one of the best final boss fights in gaming history.
And that is my list of go-to games in this time of crisis. Enjoy, blow some serious cash on these titles and thank me later when you’ve avoided skin cancer by staying in the air-conditioned comforts of your living room. Or get a life. Your choice. *
Andrew Wilmot
OVEN BAKED COOKIE
SHANNEN DOHERTY
I know what most of you are thinking and I don' t care, dammit. I never thought she was that great and the reputation she has is that “bitchy chick from 90210”. But 90210 was 100 years ago and so she' s a bitch – big deal, so am I.
She picked herself up after the early 90s was so bad to her, and got a part in Charmed alongside Alyssa Milano and Holly Marie Combs. as one of 3 witchy sisters.
Even though she left that sweet deal to pursue other ventures, she did well
as the ever critical host in the first season of Scare Tactics and is now fluttering around the movie scene. And for those who don't know, that guy Paris Hilton is doing in that video ? Shannen’s then husband. *